


This Ain't A Scene...

by Lathis



Series: Dark Titans [3]
Category: DCU, Ranma 1/2, Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 51,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28564605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lathis/pseuds/Lathis
Summary: Dark Titans is the sequel to The Titans and the Lost Boy.This series of stories follows the ongoing adventures of Heroes and Martial Artists alike, as two very different worlds collide.The Amazons make their way to the futuristic city of Metropolis, guest to the infamous Lex Luthor.  What secrets await them in the world of corporate intrigue?  And how do Happosai and Jinx figure into things?
Series: Dark Titans [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2057328
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

I don't own Ranma, Titans or DC in general.

Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.

* * *

With one last nostalgic glance to the receding forms of Ryouga and Kasumi, Cologne entered the airport. With only a minimum of effort, she found her way to the ticket booth and presented her ticket to the young woman that staffed it. She was running late, but she was certain that she would be able to get boarded... even if she had to use some unorthodox methods to do so.

"I'm sorry, but this ticket has been cancelled," replied the young woman.

Yes, for someone of her skill, not to mention her age, getting aboard a plane shouldn't be a problem...

Wait a moment.

She turned to face the attendant, the girl's words finally catching up to her. "Excuse me?" she asked icily. The girl shuddered slightly at her demeanor but handed back her ticket with a shaky hand regardless.

"T-t-this ticket, it was – it was cancelled, just a few hours after it was purchased. Certainly, you would have known about that... w-w-wouldn't you?" asked the uncertain youth.

The ancient elder pinned the girl with her glare, causing the poor attendant to cringe pitifully. "And _who_ may I ask cancelled this ticket?" she asked harshly. The young woman looked about to faint from terror when a voice interrupted them.

"I believe that I may be able to answer that."

Cologne turned with refined dignity to face the woman that now stood behind her. She appeared to be in her late twenties, early thirties; somewhat tall, and of Asian ancestry, perhaps... The young woman wore her raven hair short and swept back. Her face held a cold expression as she looked down at Cologne. The woman's outfit consisted of an artfully crafted ebony suit, but one that, to Colognes' trained eye, possessed several small alterations that would allow for a greater freedom of movement.

Hmm, yes, just by looking at the girl, Cologne could tell she was a martial artist, and a skilled one at that. She chuckled quietly to herself; this could be interesting.

"So, pup, I'm certain that you have some good reason for delaying my trip," she uttered in a serious voice.

The woman bristled slightly at the 'pup' reference but restrained herself. "Indeed, if you would come with me, I would speak with you in private." Her voice was hard, but obviously the girl seemed to know enough not to make any demands in her position. Cologne could sense she was very skilled, but this youth was a hundred years too early to even consider being a threat to her.

"Very well, I look forward to your explanation."

The woman nodded and began to lead them towards the back of the airport, where the planes were being loaded. As they walked, the woman began to speak.

"My name is Wu-san Sandra, though my contemporaries call me Lady Shiva," the woman finally introduced herself, "And you are Cologne, an elder of the nearly legendary Joketsuzoku village hidden within the mists of China. Frankly, I had not thought the legends true myself, but your recent activities in America have changed that opinion."

Cologne shrugged, unconcerned. The village did nothing to promote its existence, the less people that knew of it, the safer they were, considering their more archaic laws. "Ah, so you cancelled my ticket in hopes that I would teach you a few tricks while I was still here. Or perhaps you wish to challenge me, to ‘ _prove that you're the greatest warrior’_?" she asked in a mocking voice.

Their stroll led them out of the airport completely and onto the tarmac of the runways.

Again, Lady Shiva (what a silly name) bristled at her mocking words.

"Hardly, I've trained under masters greater than the likes of you. However, my current employer has taken a great interest in you and your village. He wishes to meet with you personally to discuss some matters of business."

Well, that piqued her curiosity. What businessman could possibly be interested in a tiny village of martial artists located on the far side of the planet? Her curiosity inflamed further, as their impromptu tour of the airport ended, leaving them standing before a very extravagant personal jet.

"And who, may I ask, is this mysterious employer of yours?" she asked, interested to see where this was going.

The woman smiled for the first time that night, though it was a bit of a feral smile. "A concerned industrialist, you may even have heard of him in your short time in America..."

"His name is Lex Luthor."

* * *

Cologne let out a pleased sigh as she leaned back into the leather of her heated seat. Even the jaded matriarch had to admit that the level of comfort afforded to her in this private jet was leaps and bounds beyond the first-class flight that Nabiki had chartered for them for their trip to America. She had a cup of some of the finest tea she had tasted in over a decade balancing perfectly on her lap. A devilishly handsome young man lingered in the corner of the cabin, his only purpose appearing to be to fulfill her any and every whim for the duration of the flight. To top it all, the soothing sounds of Chinese flutes filtered through the air, flowing forth from hidden speakers.

Unfortunately, as enjoyable as the journey itself was, the reading material left much to be desired. Running down the center of the opulently decorated cabin was a low, intricately carved, and lovingly stained coffee table. Strewn across the surface of said table was a wide selection of magazines and newspapers set out for her reading pleasure...

Even her age addled mind was able to quickly connect the common theme plastered across the face of each publication:

"Lex Luthor, Philanthropist of the Year"

"Mr. Luthor donates millions to feed the starving in Africa."

"Lexcorp breakthrough could save millions of lives."

"Lex Luthor begins construction of much anticipated Lexor City"

Cologne's eyes narrowed dangerously as she dropped the half-read magazine in her hand back to the table... not because of the Lex-centric nature of the publications, but in disgust at the fashion article that she had just read.

She would forever curse the French for creating the Beret! Why, oh _why_ hadn't she put a stop to it while she’d still had the chance? The wizened matriarch sighed regretfully, before relegating the thought back to the list of her life's many regrets.

A moment later, she perked back up. While it was obvious that reading was unlikely to be rewarding, she did have another source of entertainment handy. Though it was more of Happi's past time than her own, baiting brash, arrogant youths was _always_ enjoyable. Cologne's eyes slid across the cabin to where her impromptu guide was sitting, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

The crossed arms were a strong signal that this _Lady Shiva_ was not in the mood to talk, though the fact that the girl had sat as far away as possible without depressurizing the plane was also a fairly good hint as well. Cologne suppressed an evil chuckle; that just made her want to nettle the young warrior even more.

Apparently, the youth could feel the gaze upon her because she quickly looked up and shot an angry glare Cologne's way. It was a good glare, the Joketsuzoku had to admit, and had probably ended many a conversation in its time. Unfortunately, Cologne was not so easily cowed.

"So, Child, what style of martial arts is it that you practice?"

Rather predictable, true, but really, she had no other interest in the girl at all. Maybe the child would even be good for a laugh, studying martial arts flower arranging or some such foolishness.

"None of your business, Old Woman," came the curt reply.

 _'Oh ho!_ ' Cologne's eyes veritably twinkled with amusement as her level of interest jumped several notches. Nearly every young warrior that she knew always declared the martial arts they practiced proudly, the sillier the art, the prouder they boasted. For this child to hide her fighting style, it led her to some interesting conclusions...

"True enough, true enough, but please, humor an old woman. It is a long flight, and a little conversation will help the time pass more quickly."

Lady Shiva's icy features cooled further, which was an impressive feat, even by Cologne's standards.

"My current assignment is to escort you to Metropolis, not to _amuse_ you."

An odd expression settled on the young woman's face for a moment; half scowl, half... something else. Ah hah! That was it! Really, she should have recognized it earlier after having spent so much time around Hibiki Ryouga. The look on Lady Shiva's face was a rather unique mixture of resentment and jealousy.

 _Now_ the pieces were beginning to fall into place. She had thought the youth simply impudent, but it went beyond that. The younger warrior was obviously skilled, and by the way she carried herself, knew it. And yet here she was, playing tour guide for an aging old lady.

Judging by the fact that this woman was selling her skills to the highest bidder, she obviously believed herself to be highly talented. The fact that she had been hired by such a powerful mogul lent much credence to that claim. For her to be sent to bring Cologne to her employer, it was likely a double blow to her pride. Both being given such a mundane task, as well as being told that the person that she was going to retrieve was even more skilled than herself.

"Fair enough, I suppose. If you are so ashamed of your style that you dare not name it, I completely understand..." she trailed off, her voice flowing sarcasm more quickly than a mountain stream.

Reverse psychology was such a mundane tactic, so she figured she'd add the heavy emphasis to make her teasing intent even more obvious.

As expected, Lady Shiva's eyes rolled in annoyance at the insultingly blatant taunt. "It would be a waste of time telling you, Old Woman. The style I was taught is an ancient and secret style known only by my master, the O-Sensei."

Ah, there was that hint of pride beginning to show through-

Wait a moment...

"O-Sensei..." she mused to herself.

A look of smug satisfaction formed on her companion's face and her tightly crossed arms lowered a fraction of an inch. Now that the child felt she had the upper hand in the conversation, she was becoming more open.

It was just the kind of expression that Cologne couldn't resist wiping off a person's face.

"O-Sensei, is it? Are you referring to the founder of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, or... darn it all, what was that other fellow's name? They were both born around the same time and both joined the Japanese army for a time; I have such a hard time remembering which one is which. Still, I know there was another person wandering around that started going by that title as well, curses, it's just on the tip of my tongue... bah, oh well."

The young warrior met her gaze with a skeptical look. "You expect me to believe that _you've_ met O-sensei?" her tone was as skeptical as her expression.

A bark of laughter escaped Cologne's withered lips. "Please, Child, the circles that we masters of the martial arts travel through are not so large as you seem to think. And when you live for as long as those of our ilk tend to, it leads to _many_ opportunities to run into our contemporaries.” She tapped her chin, deep in though. "In fact, I did meet your master. It was some sixty or seventy years ago, now. I remember him kindly, not so much for his prowess, as for his story."

At this, Lady Shiva leaned forward, glaring heatedly. "And now you impugn O-Sensei's ability? Perhaps if the two of you had battled, your defeat would have led you to believe otherwise."

Cologne rolled her eyes at the girl's outburst. Not that she could blame her; students were often loyal to their teachers. Even if they weren't, it still stung the ego to hear someone claim that the person who taught you all you know is weak. Still-

"Bah! Don't be a fool, Girl! Of course we fought. Admittedly, neither of us were nearly the ancient masters that we are now, but that just gave us even more reason to challenge one another," she explained imperiously.

Even though her companion wished to hide it, an unmistakable hint of curiosity crept onto Lady Shiva's face. The girl leaned forward another inch, her arms slowly lowering to her sides and her legs uncrossing. Cologne smiled; she did so love reading body language. The aged matriarch leaned back into her own seat, getting more comfortable as she let the memories wash over her.

"I meant no disrespect with my earlier remark, Child. I did defeat your master; for someone that started training so late in life, he was actually quite skilled."

"What do you mean by that?" Lady Shiva asked, half in annoyance, half genuine curiosity.

"Well, you have to understand, in the Joketsuzoku village, we begin training almost as soon as we can walk... hmm, how best to put it?"

Suddenly, she perked up, thinking of an excellent example.

"Tell me, have you seen that new movie, '300'?"

A small, private smile formed on the young woman's lips as she gazed into the distance, "... mmm, three hundred men, eighteen hundred abs..."

Cologne chuckled; she'd take that as a 'yes'.

"Well, our society is not so different from that. We endure great hardship to be forged into the greatest warriors on the planet. And even among our people, I was hailed as a prodigy and a genius.”

She shook her head fondly.

"No, the outcome of our battle was never in doubt. Your master, although my senior by a decade or two, had started training years after myself. Nor was he privy to the ancient and esoteric arts that were made available to me. However, I do remember his story; we actually spoke at great length once our battle concluded."

Again, Lady Shiva betrayed another trace of her well-concealed curiosity to Cologne's trained eye. It was rare to hear about one's master's past, it was common for such people to be quite secretive. And, of course, hearing about your master's past defeats would be almost unheard of, enlightened master or not, no one liked to talk about getting beat up.

Cologne hid another chuckle before continuing her tale, "Unlike myself, your master was not born into the life of a martial artist, though he was still a warrior. Back, before the turn of the last century, he had been a soldier in the Japanese army, as I mentioned. One of his many missions took him to China, only adding to the endless bloodshed. At that point I was not so sympathetic to his story.”

This time, she grinned for the surly young woman.

"However, what he told me next changed my perception of him completely. In one of the battles he fought, he somehow managed to find himself bereft of his weapons and fighting for his life against a Chinese martial artist. In a decidedly honorable manner, your master decided to finish the battle on those terms. Unfortunately, one of his subordinates was not so confident in his abilities. Fearing for his life, the soldier shot the martial artist dead, ending the duel rather abruptly.”

She noted the look of understanding on Shiva’s face, obviously she was a pragmatist.

"Your master was so outraged by the action that he denounced the Japanese army for the soldier's shameful behavior. Then, in a noble decision, decided to take up the Art himself to atone for the warrior's death."

Slowly, with a look of mild amazement on her face, Lady Shiva leaned back. "It's amazing... You really _did_ meet O-Sensei. Everything that you've spoken of is true; he told me that much himself. I must know, what was the battle like? How did you defeat him?"

Cologne's wrinkled lips stretched out painfully as her smile widened further. It was always nice to have an interested audience, even one that was willing to sell their skills for something as petty as money. Even as she began to recount the battle as well as her memory would allow (though perhaps with a _few_ minor embellishments), she reflected on the young woman's last question.

She could explain the entire duel in finite detail, but she doubted that she would truly be able to get across just _how_ she defeated _O-Sensei_. It was painfully simple to her, yet infinitely complex to try to explain.

The aged Matriarch focused her eyes until the world faded from view, leaving only the ebbs and flows of kii that saturated the world and everything in it. This girl, though twice his age, reminded her keenly of the young Robin. Like him, her aura was focused to a razor's edge, but it had obviously never been _utilized_.

That was the most basic answer she could give, yet the one that her current companion would find all but impossible to understand. O-Sensei, for all his training and talent, did not believe in the concept of Ki. Well, not so much that he didn't believe in ki itself, more that the idea of utilizing his life force in battle had been laughable to him. So, no matter how good he could be by conventional standards, he had never, nor would ever, stand a chance against a true martial artist such as herself or her son-in-law.

She also knew that, like Robin, Lady Shiva would never understand unless it was explained to her exhaustively. How _could_ you possibly explain a technique of such power and grace as the Hiryua Shoten Ha to a person that believed something as basic as hitting some of the bodies more lethal pressure points was an _'Ultimate Technique'_?

Sadder yet, she knew that none of them, not Lady Shiva, not Robin, not even the boy's mysterious _mentor_ would _ever_ stumble across this key to the secrets of true power on their own. After all, how could they? People like these, they didn't _love_ the art, didn't _live_ for the art, sacrifice _everything_ for the art! For Lady Shiva and her ilk, the art was simply a means to an end, just a tool to be used. For the young woman, it was likely just her means to wealth and power. For Robin and his mentor, it was just another tool in the fight against injustice. Certainly, every one of them trained tirelessly, but they only did it so that they might defeat others, not to improve themselves, to push themselves to the absolute limits of human endurance... and then smash those frail boundaries to splinters.

Well, at least Robin was beginning to see the error of his ways. Between her training, his sparring with Ryouga and his nightly _sessions_ with Happosai, she had no doubt that the boy would surpass all his martial peers in a matter of months.

 _'Oh well'_ , even as her train of thought rolled gently into the station, she began wrapping up her retelling of the epic battle between O-Sensei and herself.

It was somewhat heartening to see the look of fierce concentration on Lady Shiva's face as she listened. The girl was analyzing every maneuver she described, likely breaking down the entire battle even as it was being narrated, noting every mistake made by either warrior and imagining what she could have done differently.

"Indeed, it was quite a battle, and after hearing his motivation for taking up the Art, I must admit that I found myself fancying him a bit. Why, if I hadn't been such a stickler for the law back in those days, I'd likely have been tempted to teach him a few of our village's techniques to help him on his quest."

Lady Shiva nodded along amiably... before shaking her head as the last bit of that first sentence suddenly registered.

"Wait a moment! You _fancied_ him?" she asked somewhat incredulously.

The look on her face was quite amusing, it seemed the Lady could only picture O-Sensei as the ancient master that had taught her.

Cologne's smile turned wicked as she decided to really drive home the mental image. "Oh my, yes! If only he had been a little stronger, I would have bedded him in an instant. He was quite handsome for a Japanese back then, you know?"

The expression of mingled shock and a slight green tinge went beyond amusing to truly comical. It was always so much fun to mentally traumatize young people that took themselves too seriously. It took her companion several long minutes to recover enough to speak.

"O-Sensei was _married_ for your information." Lady Shiva sounded positively scandalized at the notion. This, of course, only amused Cologne further.

Winking conspiratorially, the Ancient master leaned forward, "Never underestimate a determined Joketsuzoku, my dear. After all, I was quite the looker myself in those days and... let's just say that martial arts weren't the _only_ skills that I had mastered."

 _That_ did it! Having driven the final nail into the coffin, Cologne had only to sit back and watch. The look on her companion's face was truly priceless, she could practically _see_ Lady Shiva struggling to demolish the mental images forming in her mind even as they formed unbidden. Yes, even a hardened warrior could only take so much of this form of punishment before finally cracking. She had to admit though, her son-in-law would have probably made a mad dash for the lavatory several minutes ago.

"Ahhhh, you children are always good for a laugh. Tell me, how is O-Sensei doing these days? I hadn't thought on him for quite some time, maybe I should drop in for a visit one of these days," she asked, now in quite a good mood.

Lady Shiva's face immediately regained its former cold demeanor.

"He is dead."

There was only one thing that Cologne could think to say to that.

"...oh."

* * *

The man sat at his massive oak desk, oblivious to the vast space which composed his office. No, all his attention was focused directly on the large pair of heavy double doors that stood some thirty-two feet and four inches in front of him. The gears in his head were whirring madly, had been for nearly a week now. If he had been anyone other than himself, he would have almost sworn that he was _giddy_ with anticipation.

After all, it promised to be an eventful meeting.

A soft tone sounded from the face of desk; it was quickly followed by a voice emanating from the smooth, polished wood.

"Mr. Luthor, Lady Shiva and your Guest have arrived."

Lex Luthor smiled, running a palm over his bald scalp before reaching down and pressing a seemingly featureless part of the desk's surface.

"Please, Patricia, show them in."

A moment later, the large doors opened, and the familiar form of Miss Wu-San entered. He forced himself to school his features as he finally caught sight of the figure that strode after her with surprising spryness.

His informant had told him that she had been quite short and extremely old, but that hardly did the woman justice! He had heard the term 'shriveled with age' bandied about before, but this was the first time that he had ever imagined using it on a living, breathing human being.

Still, considering the life he had led, it would take more than something as minor as this to throw him off his game.

With dignified grace, he stood up behind his desk and straightened out his ebony, three-piece suit before walking around the furniture to stand before his guest. Without so much as a nod from him, Lady Shiva moved off to stand by one of the far walls. As soon as he stood before his guest, he bowed politely, staring into her large, owlish eyes. Then, still bowed slightly, he offered her his hand.

"Greetings, Elder Khu Lon of the Joketsuzoku. Please let me welcome you to Metropolis."

The ancient woman's eyebrow cocked in amusement at his words. An expression that could quite possibly have been a smile formed on the woman's impossibly wrinkled lips.

"My, my, you actually got it right. I must say I'm impressed, not many people bother with the proper pronunciation."

He smiled wider, sweeping out his arm grandly.

"But of course, Honored Elder. What kind of host would I be if I couldn't even pronounce my guests' names correctly? And frankly, I'm surprised that a person of your status and abilities would tolerate such disrespect," he stated in good humor.

Cologne smirked amiably, "Well, time does seem to have a way of putting life into perspective. Besides, if I struck down every whelp that showed me so much as an ounce of disrespect, the past few weeks would have forced me to cull nearly an entire generation of promising heroes and martial artists."

They both shared a good chuckle over that. Lex was quite pleased with how things were progressing. He had feared that there would have been a fierce clash of personalities between the two of them, resulting in an arduous uphill battle to achieve his goals.

Gesturing politely behind him, he indicated the plush leather chair that sat facing his desk. "Would you like to sit before we continue?"

His guest nodded, before slowly walking towards the chair. As she passed him, she replied, "Yes, that sounds just lovely. These old bones of mine aren't so strong as they used to be."

He smirked as he watched her gingerly leap up into the chair, laying her gnarled staff across her lap. She was obviously hiding the true extent of her abilities, and he didn't expect anything less from the wily old woman. Lex knew that she was far more... _active_ than she was letting on, but that information wasn't useful, since he had no idea just how much power she was hiding.

Without further ado, he made his way back to his own seat and sat facing the ancient woman. Resting his elbows comfortably on his desk, he clasped his hands together before him and graced her with a winning smile.

"Now, I'm certain that you have a few choice questions concerning why exactly you happen to be here right now, and I assure you that we'll address your concerns in good time. First, though, let us get properly acquainted."

He tapped a finger to his chest. "As you've undoubtedly determined, I am Lex Luthor, CEO of Lexcorp. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Cologne nodded politely, apparently amused by his overt display of manners. She then replied in kind, "And, as your informants have already informed you, I am Khu Lon, matriarch of the Joketsuzoku village."

Hmm, his estimation of the woman rose several notches. Not only was she effortlessly piecing the situation together, it appeared that luck was on his side; not only was she an elder, but the actual matriarch herself.

Perfect...

"Excellent, excellent, now that we're properly acquainted, we can begin our discussion in earnest," he stated happily. "Now, I must admit that my information regarding you and your village is quite limited, almost surprisingly so, considering my resources. In fact, most of the intelligence I've gathered was garnered from the exceptionally skilled martial artists that I've brought into my employ, such as Lady Shiva. And even then, they all spoke of your people as if you were only a legend."

It was a risky gambit, laying all his cards on the table like this, and it went against the grain something fierce, but still...

Again, his guest nodded in response. "Hmm, indeed, that is probably for the best right now. No need for either of us to reveal _all_ of our secrets at such an early stage in our relationship, now is there?"

Lex felt a chuckle bubbling up from the back of his throat and decided to just let it out. This Khu Lon was no fool, that was for certain. Of course, considering she was at least one hundred years old; he'd be greatly disappointed if she had been otherwise.

The matriarch then continued speaking, a slightly smug tone hiding at the core of her words. "I must admit that my knowledge of yourself is also quite limited. Considering that all I know of you is what I read on the plane on the way here, I'm sure you can understand...”

The old woman leaned back into her seat, absently patting her staff.

"However, even with the small amount of information granted me, I still believe that I have pieced together a fairly accurate assessment of the type of man you are, Mr. Lex Luthor," Cologne stated quite confidently.

Hmm, interesting. One of his eyebrows rose in interest as he took in the knowing look that had appeared on his guest's wrinkled face. "Hmmm, indeed? And what kind of man, may I ask, do you believe me to be?"

"You, Mr. Lex Luthor -" Suddenly Cologne's eyes narrowed dangerously, and she leveled a withering gaze in his direction, "Are a dangerous man. You are a man that knows, indisputably, what it is that he desires and is willing to do anything and everything in your power to gain what you desire. You are a man to whom morality and honor are cast aside in the face of your driving ambition; truly, you are the most dangerous type of male on this great green Earth."

The mega-billionaire was taken aback by the old woman's harsh words for a moment.

"That's a very harsh claim, Honored Elder. Whatever led you to that conclusion, I was fairly certain that the magazines I provided were all positive ones."

"Heh, well, that in and of itself was actually a clue," explained the ancient crone.

The harsh glare was gone now, replaced by an excited twinkling in her eyes. It looked very much like the look those television detectives got when they were about to unravel a great mystery at the end of the show.

"The very fact that you are a successful businessman is a fairly clear indicator that morals aren't very high on your list of priorities, but that's nothing really noteworthy. Being the leader of my people, I understand well the number of morally dubious decisions that one can be forced to make to ensure the survival of your interests... However, the magazines were a subtle hint. Let's face it, anyone as rich as you, doing so much good for the world, is obviously hiding something."

A wizened smile appeared on her wizened face. "As for the rest, it was actually the young Lady Shiva, who told me everything that I needed to know to determine the kind of man you are."

That caught the attention of his hired hand at the back of the room. The raven-haired woman suddenly pushed off from the wall, an indignant expression on her face. "What? I told her nothing of you, Mr. Luthor. We spoke of nothing but martial arts."

Again, Cologne nodded, though this time more to herself than to anyone else. "Indeed, don't get upset at the young girl, Mr. Luthor, she didn't divulge any of your dark secrets during our conversation. Of course, as with most people, it's the things which _aren't_ said which are most informative.”

A wry grin curled her lips.

"There were three main things which brought me to my conclusion. First, was your approach. Really? Canceling my ticket and sending a skilled warrior to _escort_ me back to your fair city? The fact that you did this in such a secretive manner obviously speaks to your willingness to do what needs to be done to gain your objectives. Also, doing things in that way also limited my choices, whereas if you had simply contacted me openly about a meeting, there was a chance that I would have declined out of hand."

Lex nodded, perhaps he was getting a little too used to strong arming people. It was hard not to, though, when you were one of the wealthiest men on the planet and had the resources to do so quite easily. He then gestured for her to continue.

"Next, was Lady Shiva herself. Though she never divulged the fact, it was child's play to determine that she was an assassin," stated the matriarch calmly.

Again, Lady Shiva started, but quickly moved back against the wall at a glance from him.

"I could give you a list of reasons for this: her reluctance to name her style, the fact that she is willing to sell her skills for something as petty as money, but really, it was nothing so deductive on my part."

With that, Cologne flipped her staff up, before snatching it from the air and pointing the narrow tip of the implement directly at Lady Shiva's impassive face. All without taking her own eyes off Lex himself. Somewhat impressive, really.

"It was her eyes. I knew the moment I saw her, that she was no mere employee or bodyguard. Your little lapdog there had the eyes of a killer and nothing she could ever hope to do could hide that fact.”

Moving sedately, she laid her staff back across her lap.

"Of course, that ties back to my opinion of you. After all, you knew that she was an assassin, likely one of the most notorious in your pale world of mediocre martial artists, and yet you still hired her on. In fact, it's likely more apt to say that is _exactly_ why she is now in your employ, correct?" she asked leadingly.

A shallow incline of his head was all the answer she needed to continue. He wasn't even bothering to hide his growing smirk. Formidable indeed.

"Of course, neither of those things are of any real consequence. As I've said, I am aware of the types of decisions that people of power are forced to make, and I would be a hypocrite if I said I've never resorted to _questionable_ means to ensure the safety of my people. However, the most glaring reason for my rather ‘harsh’ words is also the most obvious."

This time, the look she graced him with caused a nervous lump to form in his throat. Him! The most powerful man in Metropolis, the man that could stare down the likes of Superman without blinking. Somehow, this ancient, shriveled up old woman made him nervous. Amazing!

Again, he simply waited for Cologne to continue her explanation. She was only too happy to oblige.

"The battle against the Headmaster was _not_ a fact made available to the public. Most of the battle occurred beneath the earth. And those few battles that occurred on the surface only involved the children and were resolved with relative swiftness. Even the finale, which, though spectacular, was also quite brief, ending long before any police or news crews arrived.”

Her gaze seemed to pierce him, as if she was studying his inner workings.

"Considering there was no report announced, news-wise or police-wise, let alone a report that actually made mention of myself, it leads to an obvious conclusion. That conclusion is that your _informants_ were spies, either among the H.I.V.E. academy's students or staff. That, in turn, means that you are actively observing the goings on of notorious criminals such as the Headmaster, yet you are not inclined to do anything to stop them, despite your tremendous resources. I would not even be surprised to learn that your company supplied some of the Academy's needs through covert means."

Finally, Cologne leaned back into her seat and rearranged her staff across her legs. A wide, satisfied smile spread across her withered features.

"And that, Mr. Luthor, is why I believe that you are a dangerous man."

Lex's smile only widened, and he leaned back into his own custom crafted chair. "Very good, Elder Khu Lon, very good indeed. Everything which you've stated is absolutely correct. Even your postulations are on the mark. And all that being true, then you shouldn't be surprised by this."

At which point, he pulled the pistol from his jacket, aimed dead center of the Old Woman's forehead...

And fired.

* * *

Ranma suddenly shot up in his desk. It took him a moment to reorient himself, since it was English class and he'd been sleeping quite soundly... Still...

For some reason that he couldn't understand, the strangest feeling had washed over him, strongly enough to rouse him from his slumber. It had felt, in his inexperienced opinion, as if someone, somewhere, had just done the most stupid thing in the entire history of the world...

Meh, whatever, he was sure that whatever it was wouldn't come back to bite him in the butt later.

Satisfied, he gently lowered his head back to his desk.

* * *

Cologne chuckled in amusement at the scene unfolding around her. Behind her, Lady Shiva had nearly leapt half the length of the spacious room in a single bound when the gun had gone off. What exactly the youth intended to do, the old woman had no idea. Before her, even as he gingerly rubbed his aching wrist, Mr. Luthor was smiling like it was his birthday. With casual ease, Cologne lowered the tip of her staff to the floor before her and snaked the end of it through the trigger guard of the pistol lying at the base of her chair. A quick flip lifted the gun into the air, where she deftly snatched it from the air for her inspection.

She clucked her tongue disapprovingly at what she saw. "Tsk, really, Mr. Luthor? A Ruger Mark Two? I'd have thought you'd be more of a traditionalist. I had thought that you'd had an actual Luger in your jacket when I first came in. Heh, I must be slipping."

The tall, bald man shook his injured wrist one last time before lowering it back to his side. The excited grin never left the man's face. "Traditions are fine and all, but I also believe in progress, Honored Elder. One must keep up with the times, if not forge on into the future itself."

Hmm, a male with views so progressive they would make Perfume's ideals seem positively conservative. She nearly chuckled to herself; she simply _had_ to bring this man back to the village some time, if only to drive the other Elders mad with frustration.

"Indeed, indeed. I have seen the price that must be paid for clinging too tightly to the past. So then, have I passed your test? Are you ready to finally tell me just what it is that you've brought me here for?" she asked, with a small amount of steel in her voice.

Her host laughed then, a good-natured laugh, which, in the deep baritone of the man's voice, was quite pleasant. He casually waved off her curiosity...until he winced in pain and pulled his, likely sprained, wrist back to his chest.

"Too soon, Elder Khu Lon, too _soon_. We've only just met. I admit that I'm burning with anticipation to tell you everything, however you have every reason not to trust me, and you have yet to give me any reason to trust you. If this partnership is to work, we first need to forge a bond of mutual trust and respect between us."

Hmm, that made some sense to the aged Matriarch. A man with as much power as this man appeared to possess obviously possessed grand ambitions to match, much grander ambitions then that fool, the Headmaster. Even with everything she had gleaned from the man so far, she herself had no real idea what those ambitions could be yet, only unsupported suspicions. However, to his credit, he had been totally honest with her up to this point, even admitting to her harshest accusations.

"Very well, Mr. Luthor. You have piqued my curiosity. What exactly is it that you had in mind for this... partnership?"

Lex finally returned to his seat, steepling his fingers before him even as he leaned back.

"Well, for starters," he started, "I would like you to be my guest for a time. I'd like you to be audience to all the inner workings of my company, so that you might gain a better insight into what it is that we do, and how we go about it. And, of course, while you're here, you would be treated to all the finest that Lexcorp could possibly offer."

Cologne considered this carefully, a slow grin blooming on her lips. "So, you intend to win my trust by lavishing me with anything and everything that I could possibly desire?"

He returned her crooked grin and nodded.

"Anywhere you wish to travel, no matter how far, any food you desire, no matter how exotic, every whim you may have, shall be indulged. Anything you could possibly want will be provided for you, just name it," he stated imperiously.

To her credit, she mulled over her dilemma for an entire second before reaching her decision. Matching gazes with the statuesque male's cool eyes, her grin blossomed into a full-blown smile.

"Well, now that you mention it, there are one or two things I can think of..."

* * *

With one final sweep of the broom, the last of the dust was cast from the sidewalk and onto the road.

Mousse sighed lazily and leaned heavily on the wooden cleaning implement. He took a moment to lift his glasses up to his forehead, letting the world melt away into a gentle mass of colorful blurs. It wasn't like there was anything he cared to see on the street, and he could _see_ well enough without them now.

Normally, he would have been overjoyed to have so little work to do around the restaurant, but now the tedium was just killing him. They'd only been back from the States for about a week and business had been slow the whole time. Without their main cook, they'd been forced to cut out delivery orders completely, and since the shriveled-up monkey still wasn't back, they hadn't exactly been keeping... 'regular hours'.

To be honest, he had been enjoying the lazy days, but now he realized he just didn't have anything to fill his time with anymore. Saotome was keeping his distance, which was nice, and Mousse wasn't as fickle as Ryouga to attack the pigtailed boy for no reason at all. Ukyou was away for the foreseeable future, too, so he didn't even have her to go to and whine about the injustices of life.

His train of thought caused him to chuckle to himself. Oddly enough, Shampoo had been talking to him more, but mostly to complain about how bored she was, or to complain that she'd missed out on her chance to fight any real villains back at the academy because of him.

In a way, he was feeling a bit jealous of the Hibiki boy. _He_ was out in the world, living with exciting people, fighting exciting villains, not at all like what Mousse was up to. Feh, for all the excitement that Mousse had seen lately, he might as well be cooped up in a cave looking at a funny looking rock...

Hmm, that wasn't really it, though. He was more jealous that Ryouga had gotten to spend so much more time at the academy than him. Ryouga had been there for months, Mousse had only gotten to spend, maybe, a week in the actual classes, what with his special training and all.

He smirked to himself as he nodded to an attractive lady (construction worker), as she passed by. Now _that_ was what he really missed, the private training that the Headmaster had put him through. True, the man whose care he had been put under hadn't had much to teach him as far as combat was concerned; however, there was a lot more to the assassin's craft than one would initially think. Sure, it wasn't the most honorable profession, but his teacher had been most knowledgeable, and the lessons had been intense.

Man, if he'd only had another week of that, he was sure that he'd have been able to figure out how to adapt his hidden weapon technique to fool even the most sophisticated scanners in existence.

Oh well, lost opportunities, he supposed-

"Mousse! Get your lazy butt in here!"

Shampoo, obviously, and speaking Mandarin with much aplomb. That was another thing that they'd let slip since Cologne had been away. His lady love hadn't bothered speaking Japanese, unless Ranma was around, since they'd stepped on the plane back to Tokyo. He could hardly blame her. She still had some trouble with the language, and no one liked to look like a fool for something they couldn't help.

Well, what was he waiting around for? Her wish was his command after all.

A moment later, he was inside the restaurant, broom mysteriously absent now. Sitting lazily on the counter (and he'd just _polished_ there!) was the lavender haired beauty. In her hand was a large, white envelope.

As soon as she saw him, she stuck her tongue out at him teasingly and returned her attention back to the envelope.

"You're always so slow, Mousse. Can't you ever stop thinking, even for a minute?"

The hidden weapons master rolled his eyes, before remembering that he could barely see without his glasses on. With a quick nod of his head, his trusty spectacles slid down before his eyes.

"What is it, my dearest Shampoo? Did you need something?" he asked, adding just a touch of sarcasm to retaliate for her teasing.

"We got a letter in the mail; it's addressed to the both of us. It looks like it's from the United States," she replied, sounding interested for the first time since that Martial Arts Flower Arranging person had blown through town two days ago.

Hmm, interesting, there was a pretty short list of people it could be from then. Even shorter if it was addressed to _both_ of them. That most likely cut out Ukyou and Ryouga to be certain.

Without further hesitation, Shampoo tore into the envelope. The fragile, white paper didn't stand a chance against the curious Amazon, giving way before her inquisitive fury. What was revealed when she'd finished mutilating the envelope was-

"Airplane tickets?" she asked, confused.

"Airplane tickets?" he asked, also confused. "Hmm, you don't suppose that Nabiki decided to add some actual martial artists to her crew, since the Titans got Ryouga, do you?"

Now that'd be pretty fun... not that he really wanted to fight the Hibiki boy face to face, but hey, that was what Mammoth was for. He wouldn't mind another go at Raven, though, now _that_ was a formidable opponent-

"Biih," Shampoo gave him another raspberry, "Don't be stupid, Mousse. As if Nabiki would want someone as weak as _you_ on her team."

Again, the nearly blind martial artist rolled his eyes in affectionate annoyance.

"Fine, then who are they from?"

The love of his life took a minute to examine the tickets...

"Hmmm, it says that they're from Great Grandmother!"

Shampoo's eyes widened in surprise at the destination.

"She wants both of us to come to Metropolis!"

"Metropolis!" Mousse replied in shock...

"Where on earth is Metropolis?"


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Ranma, Titans or DC in general.

Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.

* * *

Shampoo winced as her companion let out a low whistle of appreciation for their surroundings. In response, she buried her elbow in his side with enough force to bruise internal organs. With an explosive burst of breath, he turned to stare at her; only to have an annoyed glare fired his way.

"Stupid Mousse. No act like backwards country bumpkin. Is only office building."

The longhaired male continued to stare at her for another moment, before breaking out into a wide smile.

"But Shampoo, we _are_ backwards country bumpkins. Besides," He then gestured to the lavish hallway they had been instructed to walk down. Persian rugs carpeted the entire stretch, tables and chairs of English Oak lined the walls. Priceless works of art hung every ten feet, as if to taunt visitors with the insane wealth that their host possessed. "Have you even _seen_ this place? This Luthor guy is so rich, I think they need to make up a new word just to describe it."

Shampoo grumbled under her breath. Just because it was true didn't mean he had to act so impressed. Where was his warrior's pride? So, with all the pride of a true warrior, she stuck out her tongue and raspberried him.

" _Biiih_! Speak for self, bumpkin. Fine, him rich man... just... not whistle so loud. Shampoo have wicked hangover."

Even someone as proud as Shampoo would admit that their latest flight to the States had been simply _amazing._ And that stewardess... steward... or had his name just been Stuart? Anyway, the young man that had been pampering her on their ultra first-class flight had been very understanding about her desire to indulge herself since her Great Grandmother wasn't around to spoil her fun.

"Heh, the way that guy was feeding you drinks, you'd think he was trying to induct you into the mile-high club."

Hmph! The nerve of some people! Sure, she may have gotten a _little_ tipsy, but it wasn't like she would ever betray her husband... though, that attendant _had_ been very handsome...

Okay, honestly, she had been so drunk on that plane that the only reason she hadn't dragged Stuart into the bathroom herself was because he looked like the kind of guy that would need three friends and a baseball bat to fight his way out of a paper bag.

And besides!

She looked at Mousse through lidded eyes.

"Shampoo surprised you even notice, considering how much you drooling over that too, too blonde stewardess."

Immediately, Mousse turned his head away from her and buried his hands deeply into his sleeves; both were nervous habits of his that were nearly as old as the boy himself. Of course, the fact that she wasn't completely blind meant that his feeble efforts did nothing to hide his reddened cheeks.

"I-I-I don't know what you're talking about, Shampoo! You know I only have eyes for you. Besides, I wasn't even wearing my glasses for most of the flight; I could hardly even see her..."

An evil grin spread across her lips as she pressed her attack. "Oh _really_? Shampoo sure even _dead man_ notice blond girl's rack when it shoved _that_ close to face."

"Eh heh heh..."

Mousse nearly turned sideways as they continued walking. He then pulled a hand from his sleeve and began to rub the back of his head nervously. It wasn't one of _his_ nervous traits, it was one that she usually saw that stupid Lost Boy doing and seeing Mousse do it annoyed her. On the other hand, Ranma did it occasionally too, so it was a _little_ cute.

Still, it reminded her too much of that cabbage headed Lost Boy, so under the cover of swatting him upside the head, she knocked his hand back to his side.

"Hmph, and no think Shampoo _not_ notice fact you no wear glasses. Mousse only do _that_ when trying to impress someone."

Seriously, she made the mistake of saying he had nice eyes _once_ and 'Bam'! The blind duck practically refused to wear his glasses unless his life was on the line. Having that redheaded alien girl reinforce the idea had only made it worse.

"Ummmm... heh... ah, well, you are aware that the shriveled old mummy is going to _kill_ us for drinking on the plane, right?"

Shampoo giggled to herself. That was easily one of the most blatant dodges that she had ever heard. Still, she'd better let it go, before _he_ turned the conversation back to the fact that _she_ hadn't been acting any more mature than him.

"You worry too much. We is martial artists. We masters of own bodies; Shampoo sure we can hide tiny hangovers from Great Grandmother."

The look that he shot her simply screamed _'You can't possibly believe that'_ but he was kind enough not to say it. Instead, he just tipped his head to the side, indicating the massive set of double doors before them.

"Well, I suppose we're about to find out..."

Shampoo nodded, nervously straightening out her clothing and smoothing down her hair as much as possible with only Mousse's enormous glasses as mirrors.

Several moments passed...

"Um, so, should we knock?"

"... Shampoo no know... usually elders call us in when _they_ good and ready."

Several more moments passed...

"That's it, I'm knocking."

"Mousse not dare! Great Grandmother call us in when she want talk to us."

"This isn't the village, Shampoo. I don't think they care."

"Great Grandmother _is_ village!"

"... That doesn't even make sense..."

"You shut up before Shampoo induct _you_ into village ruling caste."

"What? How would you..." Mousse suddenly looked down to his groin, his eyes widening in a most amusing manner, "... oh..."

Shampoo crossed her arms under her chest, smiling wickedly as she revelled in her victory. "Maybe Mousse not so stupid after all-"

Suddenly, the doors before them opened, causing both bickering martial artists to jump an inch. Standing at the foot of the door, literally, was her Great Grandmother; the aged warrior pinned them both with an annoyed glare.

"What are you fool children standing there like gawking chickens for? We've been waiting for you for _minutes_."

The lavender haired Amazon went red in the face, before pushing the blood from her cheeks by sheer force of will alone. She then turned to glare at Mousse, just _daring_ him to say-

Oh _no_ he did _not_!

He did _not_ just stick his tongue out at her! If that little blind duck didn't watch himself, she'd give him a _real_ taste of the Three Year Smiling Death.

Without wasting another moment, her Great Grandmother herded them into the room. Only minimal use of her cane was used, a fact which led Shampoo to believe that the ancient woman wasn't _that_ upset... though now she just traded one set of reddened cheeks for another.

Wow...

It took her a full tick of the clock to take in the entirety of the room before her. If the hallway had been impressive, then the room they entered defied all adjectives. A massive bay of windows sprawled across the back of the room, almost as large as the expanse of windows in the Titan's main room. The literal wall of glass filled the room with painful, painful natural light, but offered a simply _gorgeous_ view of the city.

And that was just the most blatant feature. Rugs, paintings, pretty much everything that had been in the hallway was in here as well, only even _more_ extravagant. The main difference being the desk that was set in the center of the room... though, it was possible that someone had backed a flatbed truck into the room and simply lined it with wood. Really, how much paperwork could one person possibly have to do to require a desk _that_ large? Almost as an after thought, she noticed there were three extremely comfortable looking chairs set before the monolithic desk.

Despite the size of the room, it only had two other occupants. Leaning against one of the distant walls was a raven-haired woman. She looked to be pretty old, at least in her thirties, and was watching them like a hawk watches a family of tiny rabbits. Shampoo immediately locked glares with the woman and shot her a challenging look. She knew a martial artist when she saw one, and she'd be damned if she was going to be intimidated by some corporate lackey.

The room’s only other occupant was currently seated behind the expanse of the desk. The moment they entered, the suit wearing gentleman rose to his feet, revealing that he was much larger than Shampoo had been expecting...

Much balder as well, though she noticed _that_ well before he stood up.

"Ah, Xian Pu, Mu Tzu, it's so good that you could make it. Please, let me welcome you to Metropolis. My name is-"

"Lex Luthor."

Shampoo looked to the longhaired boy beside her. His confident statement had been even more startling than their host pronouncing their names correctly. Mousse just turned to her and shrugged.

"The name on the building helped..."

Mr. Luthor smiled knowingly. "Now don't sell yourself short, young man. I'm sure that a person with your rather _unique_ education would know my name quite well, Mr. Mu Tzu."

Understanding dawned on her immediately. Mr. Luthor _had_ to be referring to Mousse's recent stint at that villain academy... but why would Mousse know this man's name from there? The wily Amazon cast a critical eye on the statuesque figure of their host. He almost seemed larger than life, the way he towered over them, practically radiating a calm confidence. With Mr. Luthor behind it, the oversized desk suddenly didn't seem so ridiculous...

Just what kind of man was Lex Luthor?

"Now then, you must be tired after your long trip, please have a seat." Mr. Luthor gestured to the nice looking chairs before him, "Now that you've finally arrived, we have some very important business to discuss."

Shampoo hesitated for a moment, but quickly followed suit when her Great Grandmother took a seat herself. She had to admit, between shooting death glares at the older woman leaning on the wall, that her curiosity was absolutely _killing_ her. As soon as she sat down on - though melted _into_ seemed a more apt description - her chair, Mousse shrugged and sat down on her Great Grandmother's left side.

She certainly hoped she wasn't smiling as blatantly as he was. Damn! These chairs were comfortable.

"So, if you don't mind me asking," Mousse began cautiously, "Just what kind of business do you have with us?"

Was she getting so bad, that she wasn't even bothered by the fact that her male companion was speaking out of line, when it was obviously the Elder's place to initiate the discussion about to take place? When had she gotten so soft that she didn't even bat an eye when Mousse so flagrantly disregarded the village's laws?

When had she stopped _really_ caring about the laws themselves?

The lavender eyed warrior quickly banished such disturbing thoughts from her mind as Mr. Luthor smiled another of his charismatic and charming smiles. The man then leaned back into his chair, casually steepling his fingers before him. Shampoo had to admit, she'd never met a male that possessed such a presence before, at least, one that wasn't the direct result of a powerful battle aura.

"Well, Mr. Mu Tzu, I have a project in the initial stages of development, and I very much need the assistance and cooperation of the Joketsuzoku people to accomplish my goals. However, this project is at a very delicate stage, so it is not yet in my best interest to inform you of the plan in its entirety, at least until I'm sure you can be trusted..."

What? How _dare_ he infer that she was untrustworthy! She was just about to make her opinion very vocal, when-

"Which is why I am offering each of you positions here at Lexcorp. I feel this is the best way to form a bond of trust, as we build a working relationship over the coming weeks and months."

Weeks? _Months_? Just what was her Great Grandmother getting them into? What about Ranma? How was she supposed to win him over from a half a world away?

"Wait, wait – wait just a minute," Mousse interrupted again, "You flew us around the entire world, just to offer us _jobs_? ...What kind of jobs?"

It didn't take someone with Shampoo's lifetime of experience to see that Mousse was more than just a _little_ interested. Not that she could blame the blind duck. He didn't have any real ties to Nerima, especially since most everyone had already left to become heroes and other such foolishness. Mr. Luthor picked up on it immediately, leaning forward, a sharp look on his features.

"Well, I've taken the liberty of having my human resources people prepare a small aptitude test for the two of you, just to see where you... best fit into our company. Though, I have a few ideas of areas where you might thrive, already. Of course, since the two of you _are_ so young, it would be prudent of me to start you off with more conservative salaries, say... Two hundred thousand dollars a year?"

Two hundred thousand? Was that a lot, or not? Damn, why hadn't she paid more attention to the exchange rates? She had enough trouble with Yuan to Yen. Unsure of herself, Shampoo turned to Mousse to see what he thought-

...For some reason, her lifelong companion appeared to be choking on his own tongue!

Without thinking, she leapt from her seat and slapped him across the back hard enough to knock the gagging fool to the floor.

"Stupid Mousse, you stop dying now! You embarrassing Shampoo!"

After a few more whacks for good measure, Mousse finally remembered how to breathe and inhaled a huge lungful of air... which immediately incited a coughing fit of epic proportions, complete with chest thumping, hacking, wheezing and tears... the whole nine yards, really.

"Two – two - 'cough' - _hundred_ **_thousand_**... a _year_?"

Hmm, judging by _that_ response, it appeared that it was a _lot_ of money. Feh, like she cared about that.

Looking quite amused, Mr. Luthor somehow manufactured a helpless expression and waved his hands to the sides in a most put-upon fashion. "I'm sorry, son, but that's all I can offer now. If you're looking for a raise, you'll have to go through the same channels as the rest of Lexcorp's employees."

A dry, rustling chuckle filled the air, finally reminding them all that the Ancient Amazon was _indeed_ still among them.

"A clever tactic, Mr. Luthor, attempting to bring us into the fold, as it were. So, tell me, what ridiculous sum of money to you intend to throw in my direction to secure _my_ cooperation?"

Again, Mr. Luthor leaned back, steepling his fingers before him. Apparently, it was his 'bargaining' position. The man's chair swiveled to the side slightly as he met Cologne's gaze with a determined gaze of his own.

"Do you think I would be foolish enough to believe that mere monetary gain would be enough to sway one such as yourself, Elder Khu Lon? Heh, even your rather stoic Great Granddaughter was unimpressed with such a base offer. Must come with the ascetic warrior lifestyle, I suppose.”

He shook his head in amusement. "No, I was thinking something a little more influential would be in order, so, I've decided to make you Vice-President."

Stunned silence reigned for a moment.

"...Vice-President of what?" her Great Grandmother asked slowly.

Mr. Luthor smiled ever wider. The man gestured grandly all around them.

"Why, of all Lexcorp, of course. You would have unfettered access to anything and everything you saw fit. You would have the ability to influence major company decisions; division heads would be answerable to you; you would have the power to hire and fire people... to reallocate resources however you saw fit..."

The last was added so leadingly, that Shampoo could practically see the gears in her Great Grandmother's head start turning. The reallocation of resources as she saw fit? Shampoo couldn't even imagine the plans forming in the ancient warrior's mind... One thing bothered her, though.

"What about old Vice-President? Him no be upset?"

Not that she really cared, but these ultra-materialistic people tended to be petty.

Mr. Luthor's deep, bass laughter assuaged her concerns before he even bothered to explain.

"I admit that the man was a bit put-out by the decision, but when I told him that he was more than welcome to fight your Great Grandmother for the job, he quickly agreed it was for the best."

Before she even realized it, Shampoo was giggling at the mental image of a mousy little paper pusher squaring off against the Matriarch of the Amazon village in ritual combat. As she did, Mr. Luthor turned back to her Great Grandmother.

"Think of it, Elder. My intelligence and ambition, being guided by your wisdom and experience? We could make a formidable pair, the two of us. Just imagine the good you could do for your village, or the entire world in time? Not to _mention_ the shareholders."

Shampoo could only stare, wide eyed. It was true that her Great Grandmother was easily the most powerful woman in the entire village, both martially and politically. Thanks to her shrewd mind, the Elder's influence extended well beyond the village itself, with contacts across half of China...

But all of that was _nothing_ compared to the reigns of power that this male was freely preparing to hand her now. If her Great Grandmother accepted this offer, it would literally catapult her from complete obscurity to being a person capable of influencing global economies at a whim...

Shampoo didn't even want to _think_ about what the old woman could do with that kind of power.

Suddenly, the idea of Nabiki becoming a supervillain didn't seem nearly as terrifying as it had moments ago. She looked across to Mousse, to gauge his reaction, only to see an even _more_ horrified expression on his face.

With grace bordering on reverence, her Great Grandmother nodded her head a single time.

"Very well, Mr. Luthor. We accept your generous offer. After all, I believe it would do these children good to see a little more of the world." The Elder chuckled to herself, even as she gestured to Shampoo over her shoulder.

Mr. Luthor immediately rose to his feet and clapped his hands together excitedly. "Excellent, _excellent_! I believe the next several months shall be exciting for all of us."

The bald business mogul then pressed a seemingly random spot on the surface of his desk, causing a small screen to slide seamlessly out of the polished wood. A young woman's face appeared on the screen a moment later.

"Patricia, is everything prepared for our newest employee's aptitude tests?"

"Of course, Mr. Luthor. I'll escort them down myself as soon as you're done."

"Excellent. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you, my dear."

With that, another press of the button caused the screen to vanish once more. Mr. Luthor then returned his attention their way, anticipation filling his entire face.

"Miss Xian Pu, Mr. Mu Tzu, if you'd be so kind, Patricia is waiting for you at the end of the corridor. Elder Khu Lon, if you could please accompany me, we have a literal mountain of paperwork to get through tonight."

Even as her Great Grandmother nodded in agreement, a twinkle in her eyes that Shampoo wasn't sure she had _ever_ seen before, Shampoo herself and Mousse quickly got up and made their way to the door. She just couldn't believe it. Everything was happening so fast, it was leaving her dizzy... no, wait, that was just the hangover. She chuckled evilly to herself, she couldn't believe they had gotten away with –

"Oh, by the way, Shampoo..."

The lavender haired Amazon stopped mid-step, a cold chill racing up her spine. Wishing she had a blindfold, she reluctantly turned to face the firing squad.

"We _will_ be discussing your punishment for drinking alcohol on the plane... _later_."

Damn! Shampoo _hated_ it when she did that: left some nebulous punishment hanging over her head. Ever single time, she would be left waiting so long that she imagined the anticipation was even _worse_ than any possible punishment to come...

She'd been proven wrong every single time.

"Miss Xian Pu," Mr. Luthor spoke in a stern tone, "We here at Lexcorp do not condone underage drinking among our employees. I hope this won't be a problem, will it?"

Shampoo hung her head, her cheeks burning with shame at the double admonishment-

Except, just before she could turn away, and even as Cologne was still nodding imperiously in agreement, Mr. Luthor very quickly, and very subtly... smirked. It caught her attention just long enough for the older man to silently mouth

'Check your mini-fridge later.'

Immediately, Shampoo perked up slightly, but not too much, and nodded smartly. "Shampoo understand perfectly, Mr. Luthor. Will not be problem at all."

Maybe she had perked up a little too much, as her Great Grandmother suddenly turned an inquisitive gaze over her shoulder... only to see the sternly staring face of Mr. Luthor glaring at Shampoo...

Shampoo quickly took advantage of the distraction to make a break for it. She grabbed Mousse's hand and forcefully dragged him from the room before anything else could go wrong.

There was one thing that she had gleaned from this meeting, though...

She _liked_ the way this Mr. Luthor operated.

* * *

With a weary sigh, Mousse swung open the door before him... only to suck that very same breath back in as he gawked at the sheer size of the living quarters that sprawled out before him. He didn't have time to comment, though, as a powerful (yet delicate) hand playfully (yet forcefully) shoved him off to the side A moment later, an excited Shampoo strode into the room.

"Out of way, Blind Duck, this _Shampoo's_ room, remember?"

As soon as the bubbly Amazon saw the room, she let out an appreciative whistle of her own. The young warrior then whirled back to the door to address the devastatingly attractive brunette that had escorted them there; Patricia, if he recalled correctly.

"Which room Shampoo's bedroom?" she asked, sweeping her arm across the massive living area behind her. There were couches, chairs, a nice dining table, a small kitchenette, and most importantly, a ludicrously large entertainment system strewn artfully across the vast space. There were also four doors, two on each of the walls to their sides since the wall across from them was yet another expansive bay of windows.

Mousse was fairly sure they could reopen the Nekohanten in this apartment alone if they started feeling nostalgic.

Without missing a beat, Patricia took a step into the room and pointed out the four rooms in rapid succession.

"Bathroom, Master Bedroom, Guest Bedroom and Study." She then turned to face him, almost instantly causing his glasses to fog up. "Your room is very much identical, Mr. Mu Tzu, and it's only three doors down. I can show you the way if you like."

Mousse tugged at his collar, suddenly feeling a little hot under it. "Heh, uh... n-no thank you. I'm sure I can find it on my own, after I help Shampoo unpack..."

An alluring smile spread across the woman's lips and she took several gliding steps towards him. Before he even had a chance to start fumbling and tripping over himself to move back, the gorgeous woman quickly fished into the breast pocket of her blouse and produced a pair of, what looked to be credit cards.

He let his mind boggle at the impossibility of fitting even something as thin as those cards into a blouse _that_ tight... maybe she knew some hidden weapon techniques of her own...

"Well, Mr. Mu Tzu, you'll be needing these. They're the key cards for your rooms." She gently pressed the cards into his unresponsive hand, closing his fingers around them so they wouldn't drop to the floor. "The top one is yours and the bottom one is Miss Xian Pu's. After your positions are determined, they'll be upgraded to your new security clearances to let you get around the building, so make sure not to lose them."

With that, Patricia finally released his hand and proceeded to sashay out the door. Mousse found himself staring at the empty doorframe for several more seconds, before his self preservation instinct finally decided to kick back in. Immediately, he spun back to face the only other occupant of the room, hand at the back of his head and a nervous laugh on his lips.

"Eh, heh... well, I guess we don't have to worry about the commute... eh?"

Shampoo's flat stare bored through his skull and into the wall behind him. The lavender eyed girl held her unimpressed gaze for a long, long moment, arms crossed tightly under her chest, before letting out an annoyed sigh.

"You using Tag Body Spray and just not telling Shampoo? Bad taste must be big trend in U.S., is only explanation Shampoo can think of for what going on lately."

Mousse chuckled weakly, even as he grumbled on the inside. If it were anyone else, he'd just chalk it up to jealously, but this was _Shampoo_ they were talking about. She just seemed to enjoy reminding him of his social status, or lack thereof, from time to time.

Oh, why did change have to come so slowly?

"Feh, she was just being nice. It's not like I'd even have a _chance_ with a woman like _that_."

He nearly bit his tongue when he realized what he'd just said; unfortunately, it was already far too late for that. Shampoo whirled on him, fire in her eyes and Mandarin flame spewing from her tongue.

" _Excuse me_? _She's_ too good for you, but _I'm_ bland enough that you think you have a chance with _me_? Is that what you were trying to say?"

The nearly blind weapons master back peddled as quickly as his bulky robes would allow. He frantically waved his arms in a vain attempt to ward off the rising ire that he had so inadvertently sparked.

Damnit, Mousse, think, think like the wind!

"N-no-no! That's not what I meant at all!" he pontificated, switching back to Mandarin as well, "I... I was just thinking that – that I'm... too _young_ for her – yeah! I mean, look at her, she looks like she's in her-" _mid twenties_ "-early thirties!"

Shampoo glared at him suspiciously for another minute, but his desperate gambit seemed to have mollified the worst of her righteous female fury. Then, switching gears quickly enough to send his head spinning, the lavender haired goddess beamed him a smile and spun around to make her way to the master bedroom.

"Come on, Silly Duck, you need to unpack my clothes and weapons."

The slightly affectionate nickname put a wide smile on Mousse's face and he quickly made his way after her. He did so enjoy spending time with Shampoo like this, just the two of them. With no one else around, she didn't feel the need to put up such a tough front, and he didn't feel the need to continually try to claim her love.

It was just... nice.

He entered the master bedroom just in time to hear Shampoo squeal in joy, before she twirled around to land excitedly on her mammoth, queen sized bed. All he could do was stare for a moment, as the simply beautiful young woman stretched herself out across the shimmering satin sheets of the bed, literally purring in contentment.

A second later, he averted his gaze to the side before she had the chance to notice his adoring gaze. It was so rare to see Shampoo _genuinely_ enjoying herself like this, especially with him around, and he didn't want to ruin that for her. Of course, he wasn't in a rush to leave either, so he took a seat at the elaborate vanity that took up most of the nearby wall. It was a nice vanity too, just like the ones he saw the models using in the movies.

Idly, he wondered if there was one in his room too...

What? You didn't think his hair got that luxurious by itself?

"So, what did you think of that test?" Shampoo asked out of the blue, "I mean, what was with those questions? 'A fellow employee approaches you and informs you that your perfume-slash-cologne is too strong. How do you respond?'"

Mousse chuckled quietly. He had to agree, not only were a lot of the questions downright bizarre, but a lot of them were very repetitive as well. Of course, he was sure he had a good idea of what answers they had been looking for.

"Yeah, that was a good one. I picked 'B', myself: Apologize and thank them for their input, so that I might better integrate myself with the workforce. Heh, wasn't too hard to figure that one out... so, what response did you pick?"

Suddenly, Shampoo began to study the sheets below her with deadly intensity, absently drawing small circles in the fabric with a delicate finger. The nervous habit brought a smile to his face, as he was sure it was something that even Ranma rarely got to see.

"Um... yeah... I picked that one too..."

Mousse rolled his eyes. He didn't need to be a childhood friend to see through _that_ weak reply.

"Shampoo..."

The lavender eyed beauty glared hotly at him for a moment, irate with his presumption..., but then let out a very unladylike snort and flopped onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Then, for some reason, she switched back to Japanese.

" _Fine_ , Stupid Blind Duck. Shampoo add _new_ box to check. It say, 'Bash in head and feed to herd.'"

Mousse could only stare, wide eyed at the love of his life.

"S-Shampoo! You can't do that!"

" _Biiih_!" Shampoo's pink tongue darted out teasingly. "Shampoo know that... no have any herds."

Mousse's wide-eyed stare descended directly into incredulous gawking.

"That's _not_ what I meant! Please, at least tell me that that was the only question you changed."

At that, Shampoo crossed her hands behind her head and stared off into space, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh," she nearly purred, "Shampoo add _lots_ of boxes."

It was said in such a way that he was sure only her Amazon pride was stopping her from cackling madly. In anguish, he slapped a hand to his forehead.

" _Shampooooo_..."

Said Shampooooo rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Stop being so stupid, Mousse. Not like Big Desk Man fire us. Him not giving us jobs because he like us, him doing it to buy loyalty, so it not matter _what_ we do."

The hidden weapon master was about to respond... but found himself without a response to that. It honestly hadn't occurred to him, but the deceptively clever Amazon was absolutely right.

"Heh, well, I've gotta say it's working so far."

Shampoo stared at him seriously, before squealing happily again and kicking her legs into the air.

"Shampoo _know_! Was no sure until she lay on bed, but now Shampoo sold! No can _wait_ to see what new jobs are."

Hmm, he had to agree. He was pretty interested to see where his aptitude test would eventually place him...

"Aren't you worried about your test, though? I mean, it was developed to find us jobs that suited us."

The lavender eyed warrior nodded gleefully, "Exactly, Shampoo just wanted to give honest representation of self. No want to get stuck as secretary or something, that _men's_ work!"

Against his will, he chuckled at her mild sexism. It was times like this that he truly loved, simply sharing the enjoyment of each others company, without anyone else to interfere. It didn't take too long for a comfortable silence to descend over them.

"... So, what Mousse think Big Desk Man's plan is?"

So much for comfortable silences...

He considered the question for a moment.

"Well, the most obvious thing I can think of is that he wants to find a way to steal our martial arts secrets in order to create some kind of secret army of ultra powerful martial artists..."

Shampoo stared at him flatly.

"Mousse spend too much time at villain school. Besides, that no make sense."

He shrugged, reluctantly agreeing. "True enough, I suppose. Unless he has an army of five-year old kids ready to dedicate the next twenty years of their lives to the martial arts. I mean, it's not like he can clone us... is it?"

The two warriors shared a nervous glance...

"Naw!" they exclaimed in unison.

Shaking his head in amusement, Mousse slowly rose to his feet and began to root through his sleeves for Shampoo's luggage. "Well, nothing to do but enjoy our free time while we still have it. I figure I'll go set up my room after this; you have any plans for later?"

A slow, wicked grin spread across Shampoo's lips.

"Shampoo think she check out Study."

Mousse's eyes widened in horror.

"You didn't bring _that_ did you?"

His lady love's wicked smile only grew, becoming truly frightening.

"Shampoo never leave restaurant without it. You finish unpacking Shampoo's things; you know where it all should go..."

"Shampoo have _business_ to attend to."

* * *

Cyborg hung up the phone, casually dusting off his hands at another job well done. Well, that was the last of his chores done, so now he could finally kick back and relax. This in mind, he did a quick survey of the main room. It was pretty much empty, the only two occupants consisting of: Raven, sitting curled up on the couch, reading the newspaper for a change, and Beast Boy, several seats down and frantically bouncing up and down as he played on the Game Station.

Both seemed like viable sources of entertainment. He was always up for a game, but Raven was always so hilarious when she got mad... terrifying, but hilarious.

Not sure who was more deserving of his torment, the Titanium Titan strolled up behind the couch and casually began to look over both of his targets once more. The violet haired girl seemed to be pretty involved in whatever article she was reading, which meant that she would be especially annoyed if he disturbed her...

Well, that was an easy decision; now, what to do, what to –

" ** _Nooo_** _ooooooo_ oooooo!"

Beast Boy's anguished wail derailed his train of though, and even caused Raven to lower her paper... for about a second, before she remembered it was Beast Boy and she didn't care.

Hmm, angry Raven was fun, but not nearly as fun as Beast Boy when he was gettin' his butt whooped.

"Sounds like you're havin' a good time there, eh, BB?" he asked tauntingly.

Rather than take the bait, the emerald changeling growled loudly. "I _was_! But then that Nujiézú guy logged on and fragged me!"

The name brought Cyborg to a dead stop. Immediately, his circuits started to sizzle!

"Ah _hell_ no! That Nujiézú guy knows that this is _Cyborg's_ server!"

In one fluid motion, he hopped over the couch to sit beside his best buddy.

"Dawg, pass me a controller. I owe that griefer _big time_ after what went down the _last_ time he popped up!"

Whoever _Nujiézú_ was, he'd been a thorn in Cyborg's side, and his player score, for _months_ now. It was time for a size sixteen boot full of payback-

Cyborg Style!

\- Fifteen minutes later –

"-ere – no, where is – wait, _wait_ , I got... _Damnit_!"

Cyborg angrily dropped his controller to the floor and stomped his feet several times for good measure. Beast Boy, head hanging in shame, looked over at him pitiably.

"You know, I wouldn't even _mind_ all the head shots, but why does he have to wait till I _spot him_ before he blows my brains out? It's just _wrong,_ Dude, worlds and worlds of wrong!"

Cyborg was about to explain, in great detail, the depths of cheating that their opponent _had_ to be resorting to, to beat both of them but was interrupted by a wry chuckle from the peanut gallery. Both young men turned to _glare_ at the curled-up form of Raven.

"What makes you so certain that he is a _he_?" she asked leadingly.

This time, the look that they both gave her was calculated purely for the purpose of letting the girl know that she had just said the dumbest thing in the history of forever. The answer to that was as obvious as the calibrations one would need to make to the engine of the T-Ship to produce a magnetic bottle capable of containing the anti-matter produced as a waste product of the ship's unique propulsion system.

"Um, because he's _beating_ us, Rae."

Beast Boy chimed in, nodding fervently. "Like, Duh, Raven. There's no way that a _girl_ would be good enough to take us on."

For just a moment, Cyborg imagined that Raven was suddenly wearing four pairs of glowing crimson slits where her violet eyes normally were but shrugged it off as a trick of the mind. The glare she was impaling them with now was more than scary enough without dragging that kind of stuff into it.

"But your executioner colored their little space man _pink and purple_. Does that sound very _masculine_ to you?"

Cyborg just shook his head sadly.

"Jeez, Rae, I didn't know you were so critical of the gay community."

Raven's eyes nearly bulged from their sockets as she sputtered indignantly.

" _What does that have to do with_ –" In an amazing feat of will, the fuming female calmed herself and leveled her critical gaze their way once more. "So, you're saying that it's okay for you to be beaten by a gay man, but not by a woman?"

Cyborg and Beast Boy shared another quick glance, before they both shrugged. Man, she was asking all the easy questions today.

"Of _course_ it is. A guy is still a guy, gay or not.'

His emerald cohort nodded, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. "And really, with guys as good looking as _us_ around, how can you blame them?"

That did it, Raven was on her feet, practically simmering in her own indignant fury.

"Congratulations. You've actually found a way to make your acceptance of the gay community _more_ offensive than your sexist attitude towards women. That's it, I'm going to-"

"Talk to Ryouga?" Beast Boy supplied, lacing the words with enough innuendo to clue Starfire in.

Cyborg was starting to get worried, especially since Raven's death glare was starting to set off his proximity alarm... but then the pale girl let out a long, weary sigh.

"Do either of you know if he's in the tower?" she asked, almost pleadingly.

It was all he could do to contain his growing mirth. God, he loved teasing Raven.

"Sorry, Rae. He called me a half hour ago to order a few pizzas to Terra's cave. Sounds like he's pullin another all nighter. Heh, Dawg's been down there so long, that the pizza guys don't even think I'm makin crank calls anymore."

The weak sigh that the girl let out this time, nearly deflating her visibly before them, sparked a small touch of sympathy in his titanium heart. They'd gotten their laughs; he should really throw the girl a bone.

"Why don't ya head down and make sure he's doin alright? I bet the pizza will be getting there pretty soon, ya know?"

He felt better immediately, as the robed girl seemed to perk up at the thought... only to be crushed under the weight of the frown that suddenly descended on the girl's normally neutral features.

"Hmph, he's already made his opinions quite clear on having a girl with 'an aura as _huge_ as mine' disturbing him while he's with Terra. That's it, I'm going to talk to Ranma."

With that, their teammate began to levitate towards the main elevator.

"Umm, dude?" Beast Boy called out over his shoulder, even as he returned the rest of his attention back to the game before him, "Isn't it, like, four in the morning there? Dude's gonna be pretty ticked if you wake him up, won't he?"

Raven's head tilted to the side as she considered this for a moment, likely coming to the stunning conclusion that BB was right, then she shrugged. "First of all, you should be calling me ' _Dude'_ even less than you should be calling me 'Rae'. Second, it's Friday night there, so he won't mind."

And in a flash of black she was gone.

Cyborg shook his head in bewilderment, even as he turned back to the game and picked up his own controller.

"Man, Cy, that's some seriously messed up stuff, eh? Don't ever let me go all wonky like that, will ya?"

Absently, Cyborg nodded, even though it was already far too late to keep that promise, considering how crazy BB had gone over Terra, like, five seconds after meeting her. Still, there was just one thing he couldn't figure out.

"I just do _not_ get Ryo, dude. I know that _I_ like a little junk in the trunk... metaphysically speaking," he explained emphatically.

Beast Boy let out a bark of laughter. "Heh, metaphysically my _butt_!"

"No, not _your_ butt."

"Ha! Awesome one, dude!"

"Alright now, BB, down to business. It's time to bury Nujiézú so deep that it'll take him a year to dig his way out."

-Five Minutes Later-

"Buddha! Make the suffering _stop_!"

"I got – wha – _no_ **... AGH damnit**! A freakin' **plasma sword**?"


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Ranma, the Titans or DCU

Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.

* * *

Mousse did his best to conceal his amusement as Cologne was wracked by another awe-inspiring yawn. Apparently Luthor hadn't been joking when he'd said they'd had a mountain of paperwork to get through the night before. It seemed that even someone as versed in Amazonian law as Cologne had a limit to how many legal documents she could dredge through before faltering.

Oddly, Mr. Luthor himself seemed to be rather chipper this morning. It might have had something to do with the excited energy which encompassed the man as he led them through the corridors of the Lexcorp building. He was supposedly escorting them to meet with a group of their new co-workers, and Mr. Luthor seemed to think it would be an interesting meeting.

Of course, they hadn't been informed what their new jobs were yet, but their employer assured them that it would all be sorted out within the hour.

"We there yet?"

Shampoo's inquiry came out sounding more exhausted than irate. He chuckled quietly to himself; that would teach her to stay up all night –

Oops!

Apparently, he hadn't chuckled quietly enough, as a pair of lavender (heavily rimmed with red) eyes lanced through him. Luckily for the vision-impaired youth, he was saved from certain doom by their bald benefactor.

"Actually, indeed we are, Miss Xian Pu." Luthor grandly gestured to the large pair of double doors not too far down the hall from their current position. The sign above the door was enough to perk the both of them up immediately.

'Gymnasium'

Now he was _very_ curious about this meeting. What kind of corporate types would they be meeting in a gym?

Without further ado, Luthor moved forward and swung open the doors. What was revealed was a room beyond the weapon master's wildest dreams. It was a gymnasium, to be sure, but one that made the Hive Academy's gym look like a home exercise machine. Revolutionary and cutting edge seemed to be the theme for the day, with the latest and greatest equipment lining every wall; a few of the machines he recognized _from_ the Academy. Oddly enough, though, it looked like a lot of the exercise machines had either been moved to the side or taken out completely. Almost the entire center of the room was bare, except for a thick layer of Olympic quality floor mats which stretched nearly from one wall to the other.

Well, bare except for the mats and the five people training on them. So, these were their new co-workers, eh? Maybe there _was_ something to his 'martial artist army' idea. The five figures were quite distinctive... which said a lot coming from someone that lived in Nerima.

Wait just a moment!

Mr. Luthor took another step into the room, then gestured to the five figures politely. "Elder Khu Lon, Miss Xian Pu, Mr. Mu Tzu, may I introduce you to-"

" _Master Cain_?"

Everyone looked up at his unexpected outburst, but he couldn't possibly hide his surprise. What was _he_ doing here?

The man in question, an older, yet distinguished gentleman with graying hair and currently wearing a starched white gi, smiled widely.

"Mousse, my boy! How have you been holding up?"

The older martial artist strode forward and clasped hands with an exceedingly confused Mousse. He honestly wasn't sure what to say.

"Master Cain... I must admit, I hadn't expected to meet you again, let alone so soon..."

Master Cain leaned in and winked conspiratorially. "Well, I'd say I was surprised to see you here as well, but I'd hate to lie to such an excellent pupil."

 _That_ really sent Mousse's head spinning. What had he meant by that-

"Ahh, I see," stated Cologne, "So that would make you Mr. Luthor's informant from the Hive Academy, now wouldn't it, Mr. Cain?"

The hidden weapon master's very recently ex-instructor chuckled in amusement. "Lady, I've trained some of the greatest martial artists on the planet, but I've never seen _anyone_ that could do the things that Mousse could do. Even with the limited time I had to work with him, I saw the potential in him to become a _very_ valuable asset."

The man then turned back to Mousse, smiling knowingly, "And what do we do with a valuable asset, boy?"

Mousse buried his hands deeply into his sleeves, feeling strangely embarrassed that an answer immediately sprang to mind.

"...You sell it to the highest bidder," he replied contritely.

"That's right!" Master Cain stated proudly, "And, technically speaking, I didn't take the information to Mr. Luthor until _after_ I had left Brother Blood's employ, so informant is a bit of a misnomer."

Cologne nodded, grinning wryly, "I see, well, I apologize for that, then. So, I assume that you'll be continuing the boy's training in the less honorable arts, then?"

Mousse blanched slightly at the condemnation, but the older man just shrugged agreeably, "If that's what Mr. Luthor wants."

The sudden shift in topic finally brought the mogul back into the conversation. Luthor simply shrugged in amusement.

"We'll see how things progress. Now, as entertaining as it is to see old friends reacquaint themselves, please allow me to introduce the rest of your associates."

The bald businessman gestured quickly to Master Cain, "Obviously, you already know David Cain."

He then indicated the raven-haired woman that had been in his office the day before, "And you've enjoyed the company of Lady Shiva as well."

The next warrior he pointed out was a mountain of a man... wearing a huge tiger mask for some reason. Aside from that, Tiger Face was wearing a gaudy orange outfit with tiger stripe trimming.

"This gentleman is known as the Bronze Tiger." Tiger Face proceeded to nod politely in their direction. Though, the mask made it hard to tell if the man was being snide or genuine.

Lex then gestured to a man of obviously Greek heritage. The man, with slicked down black hair and a rather sharp goatee (and wearing shades indoors for some reason) stared them down with calculated coolness. "The young man, there, is Constantine Drakon."

Hmph, Mousse thought to himself, young by Luthor's standards, anyway. That Constantine guy looked to be at least in his late twenties, if not early thirties.

"And, of course, last but not least..." Lex's arm swung out, grandly bringing everyone's attention to... an empty space on the floor mats, "... Cheshire?"

Huh? Mousse had been sure that there had been another warrior present, an attractive young woman (probably only a few years younger than himself) wearing a cat mask (maybe she was Tiger Face's daughter?) and a green Gi... top? Honestly, he wasn't sure, as most Gi's he'd seen had come with pants, but then the top did go down to about mid thigh...

" _Nihao_..."

The hidden weapon master gave a start as he suddenly felt a presence appear right beside him... as in wrapping around his arm and pressing some incredibly soft and warm assets against him.

In the distant back of his mind, he noted a hint of a Vietnamese accent, but that piece of trivia was quickly lost to the current situation.

Of far greater concern was the intense buildup of fiery ki about four feet to his left. He didn't even need to look to know the royally pissed look that was doubtlessly forming on Shampoo's face, considering how often he had seen it before...

And then it was gone.

"This boring, Shampoo _bored_."

The cocky statement quickly drew all eyes to the youngest Amazon present. Shampoo chose that moment to take a step forward before pointing condescendingly at the warriors arrayed before her.

"You all supposed to be best fighters money can buy? Fine, you tell Shampoo who she have to kill to get title and then we no need you weaklings anymore."

The older woman, Lady Shiva if he recalled, glared balefully at the lavender haired warrior, hissing " _Insolent child_ ," under her breath.

Tiger Face simply crossed his arms over his massive chest impassively (he assumed, again, hard to tell through the mask), while the Greek took a step forward, smiling malevolently-

Only to be stopped by David Cain's outstretched arm. The veteran assassin then closed in on Shampoo himself, only to take her hand into his own.

"So, you are _the_ Shampoo that I've heard so much about. I must say, you're not nearly as dead as Mousse made you out to be." The gray-haired man sent a conspiratorial wink Mousse's way before continuing, "And forgive me for saying, but not even Mousse's most anguished wails of loss truly did your beauty justice, by dear."

The blissful sound of Shampoo's laughter filled the air, even as Mousse felt his cheeks start to burn.

"Master _Cain_!"

His humiliation only deepened as the shapely young woman on his arm began to giggle as well.

After Shampoo finished laughing, either at the old man's antics, or Mousse's embarrassment, she leveled an appraising gaze on the assassin.

"You teach Mousse, right? Did you help Mousse train to avenge Shampoo's 'death', or you try convince Mousse not to let vengeance consume soul?"

Master Cain met her serious look for a moment, before shaking his head in bemusement. "I'm afraid that it was the former, my dear. I've never been an advocate of 'forgive and forget' myself, and he was _quite_ broken up about the whole affair."

Shampoo maintained her deadly serious stare for another few seconds... before breaking into a wide smile.

"Alright, you Shampoo like, no kill you."

Mousse shook his head, now _that_ had been predictable. Still, that was high praise from the lavender eyed Amazon. David simply chuckled happily, before replying.

"I think you'll do well here, Shampoo. However, you must understand, we are a proud lot. After all, the people gathered in this room are some of the greatest martial artists _known_ in the world,"

Mousse felt the young woman on his arm swell with pride-

"Except for the girl,"

Only to deflate like the proverbial pricked balloon.

"So, challenging one of us to combat is no small matter."

Lex chose that moment to step in, linguistically speaking.

"Actually, I think a demonstration of Miss Xian Pu's skills would be a very enlightening experience. You can choose amongst yourself who will be her opponent. While you do that, Elder Khu Lon and I shall move up to the observation deck; we have some business to discuss."

The sharply dressed man then turned to Shampoo and smiled just a little _too_ charmingly for Mousse's taste.

"I look forward to seeing what you're capable of, Miss Xian Pu."

With that, the multi-billionaire turned and made his way to a door on the east wall. Cologne turned to follow but leveled an even stare at her Great Granddaughter before she did.

"Don't disappoint me, Shampoo. You have three thousand years of Amazon pride resting on your shoulders."

If the love of Mousse's life felt at all pressured by the rather blunt ultimatum, she didn't betray even a trace of it. Instead, Shampoo smiled wickedly and turned back to the gathered fighters.

"So, who Shampoo kill first?"

The four elder martial artists shared only the briefest of glances before Lady Shiva scoffed loudly.

"And debase ourselves? Feh, you can have the girl. Beat her, and _maybe_ you'll be worthy."

Rather than scream in outrage, as he half expected her to, Shampoo turned to face him... or more accurately, the young woman now tightly gripping his arm. The smile on her face was _not_ pleasant... even by Shampoo standards.

"...Perfect," she literally purred.

* * *

Cologne patiently crossed her arms behind her back as she gazed through the large sheet of plate glass that separated them from the gymnasium proper. She had to admit that she was feeling a little curious to see how things would progress, though it appeared they had chosen the least interesting warrior to be Shampoo's opponent.

Behind her, sitting casually in a chair and not even putting on the pretence of watching the fight, Lex Luthor leafed through a pair of manila folders. Business seemed like a good topic, since it didn't seem like the fight would be one of the high-octane slobber knockers that she had gotten so used to over the past few years.

She didn't bother turning from watching the goings on below as she began to speak.

"All of the arrangements for the shipment have been made. A train will carry it to the city that I have chosen, and from there, a contingent of warriors will take possession to take it back to the village. I assume there are no problems with this?"

From the sounds of it, Lex didn't bother looking up from his reading as he replied, "Well, it would be easier to just airlift the cargo, but I appreciate your desire for secrecy at the moment. I've even arranged a number of third-party specialists for you to choose from to check the shipment for tracking devices, just to be sure."

The corner of the Matriarch's mouth quirked up in amusement. "A sound precaution. I shall deal with that in the hour."

Silence reigned for several moments, punctuated only by the sound of shuffling paper and the occasional chuckle from Luthor.

"...So, are you certain about Shampoo?" she asked finally.

A pause followed by the sound of more rustling paper. "You mean making her an Executive Officer in Lexcorp's Security Forces?"

Cologne finally turned to face the man, eyeing him owlishly. Luthor met her gaze over the edge of the papers he was reading.

"Yes, actually. I believe it is an excellent opportunity for the girl... but I must admit that I'm not sure she's prepared for such responsibility."

As skilled as her Great Granddaughter was, she didn't exactly play well with others and there were times she despaired that Shampoo might never grow into the type of leader she was being groomed to become.

Lex read another line, letting about another small chuckle before returning his attention to her.

"Well, Khu Lon, you know as well as I; you'll never be ready for responsibility if you never receive any. Besides, I believe that your Great Granddaughter is an excellent fit for the job.”

The bald man leaned back into his chair, lowering the folders into his lap. He then raised a hand and began to tick off his fingers one by one. "She's aggressive, territorial, clever, manipulative and ruthless, and these are just the traits that I've heard from you."

He lifted the top folder, the one that he had been reading from, and waved it around.

"From her aptitude test, I've also learned that she's much smarter than the broken English would lead one to believe. While Mu Tsu was able to tell us everything that we wanted to hear, she was able to ascertain the full extent of the situation, that the test was essentially meaningless."

Cologne nodded. She and Lex had discussed Shampoo's and Mousse's future careers before the children had even put pen to paper on that test.

"Not to mention," Lex continued. He held up the test in question, "The girl has a wicked sense of humor."

The man chuckled in amusement before continuing, "I don't say this often about young people, but I like your Xian Pu. With her attitude and personality, I think that she'll do quite well here. In fact, I'm thinking of putting three squads directly under her command, see how she handles it."

Hmm, interesting indeed. Cologne would be quite happy to see her Great Granddaughter rise to the occasion.

She shook her head ruefully. As hard as it was for her to admit, she found herself being drawn deeper and deeper into the machinations of the man before her. She knew he couldn't be trusted, not yet, and knew he was still hiding his true agenda, but he possessed and uncanny knack of offering her exactly what she wanted. Power and influence for the village, a positive learning environment for Shampoo, and most importantly, a little excitement and uncertainty for an old, old woman.

On the other hand, that fool boy, Mousse, was still trailing around, but with the proper molding, even he looked to have the potential to become particularly useful. Speaking of which.

"So, have you determined what the boy's first target shall be?"

An enigmatic smile played across the man's lips. "I have a place or two in mind. However, I want Cain to confirm that Mu Tzu is up to the task before I send him out. Industrial espionage isn't a task to be taken lightly, after all."

Again, Cologne nodded in agreement. It was another sound precaution. Still, she had to give Mr. Luthor credit. He was determined to win her trust and was making better progress than most had in a lifetime. It wasn't just a matter of what he offered, but just how much of his organization he was laying bare before them. Shampoo would essentially become the eyes and ears of Lexcorp, watching over all its employees... and its enemies. Mousse had been assigned directly into Lexcorp's Black Ops. That was impressive in and of itself, considering it was not only revealing the less legal aspects of his operations, but actively inviting them to participate. And, of course, he had given her actual sway over his company.

Even for one such as herself, the sheer mass of possibilities that swirled though her mind was somewhat daunting.

Where to even begin?

So lost in thought, was she, that she didn't even realize she had been staring vacantly through the glass before her for several long moments.

"So, what do you think of the cadre of warriors I've assembled?"

Hmph, apparently the man had mistaken her contemplation with actual interest.

In reply, she scoffed loudly, "Feh, you promise me a group of the world's greatest fighters, yet all you have to show is yet more assassins."

"Now, now, Elder. Don't you think you're being somewhat harsh? There is some real talent down there. Most of the people out there have actually defeated the Batman in straight combat."

This time, a derisive bark of laughter was her response.

"You say that as if I should be impressed. I am quite aware of who you speak. Frankly, as far as I'm concerned, the only thing worthwhile that that man has done for the world of martial arts was to give Robin the basic physical conditioning to make the boy trainable."

A rueful chuckle issued from behind her. "Of course. I keep forgetting to whom I am speaking. Still, do you think you can work with them?"

At that question, she turned to peer at the man imperiously, "I don't like working with people so set in their ways. The girl, at least, is likely to have an open mind. Everyone else will undoubtedly require a constant contest of wills. How many of them will survive is anyone's guess."

Her eyes narrowed as she continued to study the confident man.

"I am loathe to admit it, but I still haven't completely divined your game yet. The simplest answer is that you want an army of martial artists under your control... but as we both know; the simplest answer is usually simple deception.

"You have all the trappings, yet five warriors do not an army make. And by now, you must know that there is no easy trick, no shortcut to training skilled warriors properly... so what is it that you're really looking for?"

Lex chose that moment to lean back into his chair, looking positively Machiavellian. "All in good time, Elder, all in good time... so, how is the fight progressing?"

The ancient Amazon let out a resigned sigh. The mystery of why she was here was even more tantalizing than all the wealth and power that he was showering upon them. If only she had more information... bah! Oh well, as the man said, all in good time.

With that, she took a casual glance over her shoulder, onto the battle below.

"... about as well as can be expected."

* * *

"Go on three."

"Ready?"

"One."

"Two."

"Three."

"Go!"

As one, the pair of paramedics carefully lifted the stretcher into its upright position. They were very mindful not to jostle its comatose occupant, in fear of exacerbating her already serious injuries. The first paramedic winced at the figure of the beaten and bloodied young woman securely strapped down to the gurney. It certainly looked like the girl was in for a bad night, but there was one thing he knew for certain...

He didn't want to be around when they had to dig out those mask fragments...

* * *

Shampoo smiled vindictively at the four remaining warriors. Every one of them was doing their absolute best to look unimpressed, but she could still see the trace of wonder dancing merrily at the back of their eyes. All she could think was:

 _'One down, four to go_.'

Unnoticed behind her, Mousse shook his head sadly...

* * *

Lex shook his head in amusement as he looked down on the remnants of the spectacle.

"Your Great Granddaughter certainly has a killer instinct. I believe it will take her far here."

To his side, the withered crone nodded in agreement, though her features were bereft of the amusement which filled his. Was she not satisfied with her Great Granddaughter's victory? It had seemed excessively thorough to him.

"Well," he continued, since it didn't seem like she was prepared to respond anytime soon, "Providing any of my people can survive your training, or Xian Pu's demonstrations, I'm certain that the gymnasium, at the very least, shall be a hive of activity. Unfortunately, other than that, I'm afraid that we'll likely be drawn into the tedium of running a multinational conglomeration before too much time passes. I doubt anything important will happen in the next few weeks... Which I think is for the best since I'd prefer to keep the knowledge of the existence of meta-martial artists such as yourself as limited as possible for as long as possible."

Cologne nodded slowly, "Keeping your aces up your sleeve, as it were. Always a wise tactic." She then gave him a strange look, "And what's this 'meta-martial artist' nonsense?"

Lex shrugged, "It seemed like a fitting term. Your abilities are as far beyond traditional martial artists as meta-humans are beyond normal humans."

The ancient warrior seemed to mull this over, before finally shrugging herself. "It does have a nice ring to it, and I can imagine how irate it will make your employee's down there, being demoted as it were. As for things progressing slowly, I share your sentiment that it is for the best. No need to rush head long into the darkness; things will move along at their own pace, I'm certain."

He allowed a wry smile to twist his lips as he idly watched the martial artists in the gymnasium below. It was true, patience wasn't one of his greatest virtues, but it _was_ the best course for now. Even though he held all the cards, he couldn't afford to rush things, not considering how wily the old woman was. No, what he had gathered before him was only the beginning, the beginning of something grand... but he could afford to wait. The most important things he had to concern himself with for the moment were keeping this new breed of warriors under wraps and earning the trust or the ancient matriarch. Then, then he could finally begin the second phase of his project.

It was all just a matter of time...

A stray thought crossed his mind, bringing an amused chuckle to his lips.

"Heh... 'Bash in head and feed to herds.' Really, Elder, your Great Granddaughter is _brilliant_."

Finally, he saw the corner of his companion's mouth twitch upwards, if only a fraction of an inch. Cologne then let out an obviously manufactured disgruntled groan. "Feh, not so brilliant as you make out. What is that fool girl thinking?"

"...She doesn't have any herds."

* * *

It had been, Cologne reminisced, very much as her erstwhile partner had anticipated. The weeks had literally flown by in a flurry of activity, though she had never actually found any of it to be tedious at all. Though Lex had yet to confide in her his full plan, she had had so many things stacked on her plate, to use the vulgar term, that she scarcely even cared.

First and foremost, she had buried her Great Granddaughter beneath a mountain of language teachers. Japanese, English, German, most every important language, really... Except French.

Oh, how she _hated_ the French.

And though it was too soon for anything to come of the newer languages, her Shampoo's grasp on English and Japanese had both started to firm up nicely after only several weeks of intensive drilling.

Next had been setting up a secure line of communication with the village council, which turned out to be much easier than she had anticipated, what with their access to Tamaranean technology. My, but hadn't Perfume been handling that alliance like a master in her absence? Now, a rather steady flow of supplies and equipment was trickling into the village, both for the villagers' use, as well as for trade. Of course, she made certain to use a different method and route each time... though, really, she refused to fool herself into thinking that her host couldn't locate the village at any time he so desired. It was just fun making everyone jump through hoops for her amusement, really.

Mousse had resumed his espionage training under Mr. Cain. Even she had to admit to being impressed by the new levels of mastery that the young male was attaining in his Hidden Weapons techniques. Even before he was kidnapped, the young warrior could fool simple devices, such as airport metal detectors... but now...

So impressed with the boy's progress was Lex, that he had even sent Mousse on an... 'information gathering' mission only the week before. Apparently, it had gone quite satisfactorily.

As for her new 'students'... well, she hadn't been forced to kill any of them, yet. Young David Cain was quite receptive, though a bit too old to really benefit from the training too extensively. Lady Shiva was, sadly, about the same; she had the raw talent, though... maybe with more time. As for Drakon and Tiger Face (Mousse's nickname for the man had spread quickly, much to the assassin's chagrin.), she was honestly surprised that she _hadn't_ killed them. Both men were simply insufferable, but _just_ skilled enough to merit their continued breathing.

As she had predicted, the only student that really gave her any real sense of hope was the young Cheshire. She was young, impressionable, open to new ideas, and by far the most dedicated of the lot. After all, considering the savage beating that Shampoo had laced on the girl, a fierce, if one-sided rivalry was a forgone conclusion. Cologne just chalked the girl's disturbing infatuation with Mousse up to the odd mental instabilities that seemed to plague all young warriors.

It seemed that everything was going perfectly; even Lex's plan to keep the knowledge of so-called 'Meta-martial artists' from spreading in any serious way...

At least until now.

Luthor's office was littered with martial artists, all watching last night's news, all the way from Tokyo, on a massive plasma screen.

To say 'so much for keeping things quiet' seemed to be just a legendary case of understatement. Leave it to her future son-in-law to create an international incident just as _they_ wanted to keep their existence a secret. Still, between the demons, the gods and the miscellaneous other martial artists that had flocked to Ranma's banner, it looked like it would be quite the exciting battle indeed.

"Feh," scoffed Constantine Drakon, "Are we supposed to be impressed by this pigtailed buffoon? Why are we even watching this farce?"

Cologne rolled her eyes, even as Shampoo whirled on the man.

"Shut up, Drakken! Ranma is a warrior beyond your wildest dreams, so watch and see what a _real_ man is like."

The Greek assassin returned her simmering glare, "It is pronounced 'Dra- _kon_ '!"

"As if I could care less." Shampoo, obviously enjoying her newfound proficiency in the language then spun back to the massive screen, "Go, Airen! Kick that demon's butt!"

Mousse let out a disgusted groan. "Why are you cheering for him, Shampoo? He's only fighting this demon to save Akane, after all."

Her Great Granddaughter seemed to consider this for a moment, before slightly modifying her cheer.

"Airen! Win by an incredibly narrow margin! Preferably after Violent Girl is already dead!"

It was Cologne's turn to let out a disgusted groan. Apparently, a new job and an improved vocabulary weren't enough to change her Great Granddaughter at all.

Beside her, Luthor studied the screen with fierce intensity. The large man rested his chiseled chin on an upturned fist, apparently deep in thought as he took in the battle unfolding before him... even though it technically took place hours before.

"I... think the situation is still salvageable, Elder. Your protégé has yet to do anything beyond conventional –"

" _Mouko Takabisha_!"

The screen flashed a blinding gold for several seconds.

Cologne let a self-satisfied smile creep on to her face at the wide eyes that now populated the faces of all those around her, excepting Shampoo and Mousse, of course.

"W-what was that?" asked a somewhat shaken Shiva.

"Just a middling ki technique," she supplied in a rather amused tone. She then turned to stare down her would be pupils.

"Mark well what you see, assassins. For what you see now is the power of a _true_ martial artist. One that lives for the art, breathes for the art, strives for the art and that would sacrifice all for the art. This is the defining divergence between those that simply hone their bodies into weapons with which to kill, and those that practice the art as an extension of their soul and love it with all of their heart."

Maybe she was being a bit heavy handed about it, judging by the pained looks on Shampoo's and Mousse's faces (after all, there were very few indeed that could measure up to her future son-in-law), but she wanted to make sure that her murderous compatriots at least started to understand the truth. The Martial Arts _were_ an art, not just a tool, and that was why none of these assassins, none of the so-called heroes, would ever be truly great. Without the love of the art, from a born and bred warrior such as herself, to the inner-city youth training after school, it was all meaningless.

"Hmmm..."

Cologne turned to glare at person interrupting her moment... only to see Lex wasn't paying any attention to her at all. The man was still watching the screen with fixed concentration.

"You know... energy blasts such as that are quite common amongst meta-humans. I doubt anyone will think anything of-"

" ** _Hiryua Shoten Ha_**!"

The entire room filled with blinding white light and the multi million-dollar speaker system suddenly assaulted them all with the very wailing of the damned themselves.

The rather vivid image of a manmade cyclone hungrily devouring most of a city block hung on the screen for a seeming eternity, the buildings seeming to disintegrate in slow motion as everyone in the room watched with slack jaws. Not even Cologne herself had _ever_ seen a Hiryua Shoten Ha of such unimaginable size, and she had been present for the whirlwind created by the combined power of Ranma, Ryouga and Starfire...

Then, impossibly, the towering cyclone swelled painfully before bursting messily up its entire length, raining debris for as far as the camera could see.

With glacial slowness, Cologne tore her eyes away from the spectacle before her to gaze upon the man beside her. Lex's jaw hung open for only a second, before clicking shut tightly, the muscles along his jaw clenching fiercely.

"This...," the man started grimly, "is a disaster."

Mousse had the audacity to chuckle out loud. "So much for keeping things under wraps."

Shampoo slapped a hand to her forehead, regressing slightly at the shock of the moment, "Shampoo forget about that!"

What else could possibly go wrong?

* * *

With an annoyed grunt, Ryouga dropped his communicator to the cave floor and petulantly turned his attention back to the only girl that seemed to understand him lately. Terra, as always, stared back with blissfully unjudging eyes. She was also kind enough to not point out the fact that he was, in fact, acting petulant in the first place.

Why couldn't every girl be a stone statue?

It would certainly make life simpler. They'd still be pretty to look at, but you wouldn't get: malleted, spatula'd, slapped, yelled at, ignored, or abandoned. You could even talk to them without ending up sounding like a complete moron... sounding crazy on the other hand...

Which just brought him back to the source of his annoyance. He had called the tower, hoping to talk to Raven; half to pick her brain, half just to hear her voice. Unfortunately, all he had gotten was a somewhat sleepy looking Kasumi informing him that Raven was _still_ talking to Ranma after that massive fight that the pigtailed boy had gotten himself into _hours_ ago.

The fanged boy let out a weary sigh. It would hardly be rational of him to get all worked up over something as silly as that. He knew that the two had forged a fast friendship after the ordeals they had gone through to save his sorry butt. It was obvious that the whole thing was just as innocent as his own relationship with Starfire. Besides, Raven had so few friends anyway...

Still...

"Argh!" He clubbed himself upside the head. This was exactly the reason he wasn't making any progress! The mountain of pizza boxes towering at the back of the cavern stood in silent testament to his lack of concentration. It was the Bakusai Tenketsu training all over again. He had to get his act together! If he didn't get results soon, he was fairly sure that Beast Boy was going to start using his bed as a litter box.

The mental images his imagination started to form at that disturbing thought were more than enough incentive to get back to work.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, the bandanna clad boy sat down in front of Terra and closed his eyes. Again, he racked his brain for every trivial bit of knowledge that he had ever heard or conceived of concerning ki...

Which immediately made him think of Raven again. He remembered that she had mentioned a kind of 'ki sight' technique that Cologne had taught her.

Of course, thinking of that only made him think about Ranma, and start his temper to simmering. When he had asked Raven to borrow the scroll Cologne had given her, she'd told him she'd given it to Ranma!

Once again, that pigtailed jerk had gotten something that Hibiki Ryouga had needed! And what did the guy even need it for? It wasn't like Ranma was here trying to bring Terra back to life. It wasn't like _Ranma_ didn't already have a million fancy techniques that people handed off to him like spare change!

" _Damn-_ oops..."

Ryouga's eyes snapped open and he very carefully extracted his curled fist from the hole in the rocky floor before him. Terra's statue vibrated for another few seconds, causing the Lost Boy to suck in his breath... but finally stilled.

Feeling quite abashed, he quickly filled in the hole and patted it down. Beast Boy would _kill_ him if he knew that he was doing stupid stuff like that five feet from Terra's statue.

And he'd thought he'd been making progress with his temper, too. Unfortunately, anything even remotely concerning his rival seemed to set him back to square one. Like when Raven had told him about the scroll, he'd been so annoyed that he hadn't even thought to just ask _her_ to teach him the technique. And now, when he'd finally swallowed his pride enough to talk to her again, Kasumi's helpful reminder had only set him off all over again.

A long sigh escaped his lips.

He sure wished Starfire would visit. At least she'd have the common decency to knock some sense into him if she even suspected the idiotic stuff that was going through his head down here.

Another sigh and he closed his eyes again.

With a great feat of will, he pushed all his mental baggage to the side and tried to get into a more constructive mindset. Gradually, he felt all the annoying distractions plaguing him begin to dissolve away into nothingness, leaving him alone in the blessed darkness.

He took another long breath, then opened his mind's eye to the world, just as Cologne had taught him. What he did instinctually during a battle was painfully difficult now, though. It took him nearly a full minute to attain the state of concentration required to use the Bakusai Tenketsu, but once he finally slipped into the right state of mind, things began to come more easily.

It started small, the breaking points surrounding him showing up as tiny pinpricks of light against a canvass of purest black. The tiny nexus of ki represented the metaphysical points within the stone around him where the numerous lines of ki, which ran through the very earth itself, crossed. It took longer than he had expected, but it had only been a matter of time. After all, perceiving the breaking points was the most basic level of the Bakusai Tenketsu training.

He then let his mind begin to wander... kind of the mental equivalent of crossing his eyes. Slowly, a fuzzy golden glow seemed to suffuse from the points around him, painting, in broad strokes, a spectral picture of the cavern in his mind. This was why he had wanted to get that scroll off Raven, since he thought he might have accidentally stumbled across a part of the technique with his latest development. He wasn't one hundred percent certain, but he was sure he was seeing the ambient ki of the entire cavern, its 'aura' as it were.

Tentatively, he lifted his own hand before his face. Yes, though he couldn't see his hand, he could _feel_ it in front of his face, his mind translating the odd sensation into a ghostly azure phantom of his hand. Running down the length of his forearm and throughout his hand, were a series of glowing points; the very same points that he had mistaken for breaking points on Ranma so long ago.

Hmm... he let his arm drop to his side and slid his 'gaze' back up to Terra's hand. Perhaps it was just him being dreadfully slow, but the placement of the breaking points along her arm were placed very similarly to his own.

Without bothering to open his eyes, he rose to his feet and carefully made his way up to the base of Terra's statue. This was where he had been for the past week, staring at the fuzzy golden glow that was Terra's statue and the cavern that surrounded it, but it had been like trying to watch television without an antenna: just a rough, blurry image.

... Man... when was the last time that he'd really been able to just sit around and watch T.V. anyway? He'd spent so much time in this God forsaken cave lately that he was worried that he was going to start sprouting lichen. Beast Boy barely even gave him the minimum three hours training in the morning just to keep himself in shape, and forget doing anything relaxing, let alone actually fun.

Heck, when was the last time that he'd had fun for that matter? Sitting in a cave, striving desperately to save the life of a girl he'd never even met before was not fun, was not relaxing...

Hmmm... he _did_ remember the last time that he'd really had the chance to relax. A flash of pink and navy blue filled his mind as he remembered his hands kneading the taught muscles of a certain sorceress' back a seeming lifetime ago. That had been a nice night, no worries, no problems, his whole world had just been to make her happy...

He chuckled weakly to himself... what was he even doing here? Wasn't he the insanely determined one that had doggedly tracked down Saotome for a stupid bread feud? Why wasn't he out there finding her? Ranma had insinuated... something, Ryouga wasn't sure what, but the pigtailed boy had sounded absolutely certain that Jinx hadn't just abandoned him.

And it wasn't like he was doing Terra any good here...

... Huh?

He kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut, but forcefully shook his head from side to side. A moment later, and a little dizzy for the effort, it was still the same. For some reason... he could see Terra standing before him as clearly as if she had been standing under the sun. Well, not really, there wasn't any color besides the same dull golden glow that suffused the entire cavern, but now, Terra, the cavern, even his own hands, it had all come into sharp focus! Every detail, every gentle curve, every meridian of ki...

Huh?

Wait a moment, since when had he been able to see the lines of ki that ran between the breaking points? He could see them in his own arm as well, brighter than on the statue, but flowing steadily throughout his body. He focused on Terra again... the brightest spot was at the very tip of one of her fingers; the very same finger with the hairline fractures running down its tip.

He followed the miniscule meridian down the length of her arm; from the tip of her pinky finger, he counted nine breaking points... though he supposed that wasn't really an appropriate term, down the length of her arm: one at the very tip of the finger, four tightly spaced together on her rather delicate wrist, another at the elbow, one mid triceps and finally one at the armpit.

Several other meridians ran down the arm as well, but out of curiosity, he continued following the one he had seen. Faint lines traveled off in several directions, branching off throughout the chest, but one moved across the torso, to a strange concentration of energy...

He realized it was Terra's heart.

Something was niggling at the back of his mind, trying to tell him something, but he couldn't figure out what it could possibly be. Out of curiosity, he began to move down the torso... lungs, stomach, kidneys, bladder, gallbladder, spleen, liver, small intestine, large intestine, as many of the organs as he knew the names for, anyway.

From the liver, it was eleven more... ki points down her narrow legs and to the floor of the cavern...

Except the lines didn't stop at her toes!

"... what the hell...?"

The tiny channels of ki sank into the stone, then branched off in all directions, as far as his mind's eye could 'see'. It was... was almost like the stone itself was sustaining her... or something...

Or more like the bulk of Terra's ki had been forced out of her body and into the cavern itself! Hadn't Beast Boy and Raven told him that her final act had been to literally quell an erupting volcano by sheer willpower alone? He couldn't even imagine the raw power it would require to do something like that... Perhaps it had taken all her power, quite literally?

His mind was racing now, as he hypothesized what on earth could have happened here. He was likely completely wrong... but everything seemed to be slipping into place in his head. From what he'd heard, Terra's power was intimately tied to the Earth, derived from the Earth. What if she had expended all her power, and it had become infused into the cavern itself. What if she hadn't turned into stone because she'd burnt herself out, but as a sort of self-preservation instinct to preserve her body after she had channeled all her life force into stopping the raging volcano?

But... that didn't quite fit, either. Because it looked like there was still a connection present between the girl and the Earth... so why hadn't her energy flowed back into her body? Sure, it likely would have taken time, but from what he could see, there was no flow of ki at all.

Maybe he was simply crazy, after all, he had no idea that things worked that way anyway, who was to say that her ki would even return to her body after something like that... but that line of thought left him at a dead end. So, if the ki _would_ have returned naturally... what was stopping it from doing so?

He started his examination of Terra anew. He was starting to feel that looming sense of... something hanging over him again, as if some huge secret were about to reveal itself to him...

He made it about as far as her ankle...

And suddenly he knew.

"T-t-that's it... that's _it_!"

He _knew_!

His eyes snapped open and he stumbled back drunkenly several feet. H-he had to tell Raven... Beast Boy – _anybody_!

Unable to contain his excitement, he spun and bolted out the mouth of the cavern as if the hordes of hell themselves were on his heels, shouting his excitement every step of the way!

" ** _Raa_** _vvvvv_ eeennn…"

...leaving a familiar, hexagonal piece of metal laying useless on the cavern floor.

Yes, it was going to be a long week.

* * *

Cologne smirked smugly as she watched the battle draw to its ultimate conclusion. Not only were the shell-shocked expressions on the faces of her so-called pupils just absolutely priceless, but she was quite certain that she had never seen anything so outrageously hilarious in her long, long life. Really, _the_ Saotome Ranma being saved by an aging officer with a fire hose?

Oh, she simply couldn't _wait_ to rub it in the boy's face the next time she saw him.

Still, it seemed like Lex's strange obsession with keeping them a secret was lying in smoking ruins at his feet now. A shame, really, but hardly critical for her...

So, why was the man suddenly smiling again?

And why did his gaze keep slipping from Ranma to Shampoo and Mousse?

"You know, they say that the Chinese word for 'Crisis' is composed of the characters for both 'Danger' and 'Opportunity'..." The man turned to glare at the martial artists gathered behind him.

"And the first person to say 'Crisitunity’ is fired."

Slowly, Mousse lowered his hand to his side...

"As I was saying," Luthor continued, "Maybe this disaster is just a stroke of good fortune in disguise?"

"A-hem."

Cologne's overtly obvious throat clearing garnered her the attention which she sought.

"Actually, that is a rather gross misconception. I don't know which catch phrase spouting capitalist mistranslated it first, but the Mandarin word for 'Crisis': 'wēijī' is _not_ formed from the linguistic elements which signify danger and opportunity."

"..."

Had she existed in a more whimsical world, Cologne imagined the chirping of crickets would have accompanied the silence that had descended over her audience.

"Ummm, I hate to doubt you," doubted Mr. Luthor, "But I have read entire books based _solely_ on that concept. I find it hard to believe that so many people could be incorrect."

Cologne shrugged amiably. "Oh, you must be absolutely right. After all, what would I know? I'm only a _Chinese_ woman with over a _century_ of knowledge of the language."

Lex lifted a hand, extending a finger in preparation to make a statement... but nothing came.

Satisfied that she'd shut the impertinent pup up, she prepared to continue her explanation-

Until David Cain interrupted her. "Are you certain, Elder? I mean, I've practically lived my whole life by the principle of finding opportunities in chaos."

The ancient Matriarch considered this before nodding slowly, "Well, I can see how that could be true for you. However, I really don't think it's honoring the spirit of the parable if _you_ are the one creating the crisis so that you can profit from it."

Around the room, a disturbingly large number of people began to shift uncomfortably. She half expected a choir of innocent whistling to start up in accompaniment; unfortunately, her current company was far too serious for their own good.

"As I was _trying_ to say, 'wēijī' _is_ composed of elements which signify two separate concepts, and yes, the first syllable 'Wei' _does_ represent danger. However, the second element: 'Ji' in _no_ way represents opportunity. A more appropriate translation would be 'incipient moment', or perhaps 'crucial point', indicating when something begins to change. Thus, a wēijī is indeed a genuine crisis, a dangerous moment, a time when things start to go awry. To try to claim there is some hidden message of finding profit amidst danger is as ridiculous as... as... as if I were to say a windmill was a form of weather pattern because the first word is 'wind'."

Hmm, she'd had to grasp there for a moment, but she was satisfied that she'd made her point. Normally, she wouldn't have made such a lecture out of such a small mistake, but she just _hated_ that mistranslation misconception... almost as much as the Beret.

Lex stared at her for another moment before shaking his head quickly, "... I'll take your word for it. However, language lessons aside, I think that I _can_ turn this negative into a positive."

Mousse scratched his head, looking vaguely confused, "How on Earth could you possibly salvage that? Saotome's always been an insufferable show-off, but he's really outdone himself this time, and _that's_ from someone that's known him for years."

The powerful business mogul confidently clasped his hands behind his back and turned a knowing smile Mousse's way.

"Well, Mr. Mu Tzu, your pigtailed friend has just made a celebrity of himself. And, if _we_ are watching this, one doesn't need to make a great jump in logic to imagine just what _other_ organizations would also be watching. Groups, perhaps, with a vested interest in such outstanding young individuals."

Mr. Luthor then turned his attention back to the television, staring intently at the group of young martial artists that populated the screen.

"And so many other talented youths stumbling onto the stage in such short order as well..."

The man rested his chin on and upturned fist, quickly losing himself in thought.

"It makes you wonder how many other such impressive children are hiding right under our noses..."

* * *

" _Achoo_!"

Jinx sniffled a bit, then grabbed the first hankie she could find. She was about to blow her nose for all she was worth... until she realized she had just unwittingly pulled said 'hankie' from her 'master's' personal sack of... valuables. With only a minor shudder of disgust, she quickly returned the flimsy piece of silk back to its home and settled on the vaguely less gross alternative of wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"You know, I'm starting to think I'm allergic to mentally unstable martial artists. I don't remember sneezing this much before I met Ryouga."

The disturbingly withered and shrunken figure that was known as Happosai turned his huge, shimmering eyes her way.

"But that doesn't make any sense, Dearie. You haven't seen Ryouga in weeks, so why would you still be sneezing all the time."

The rosy eyed sorceress leveled a devastatingly droll expression at the ancient dwarf. "I sincerely have _no_ idea, _master_."

As usual, Happi just chuckled happily, either missing the buckets of sarcasm she was flinging his way, or just not acknowledging her attempts to nettle him. Both possibilities were equally annoying, though she preferred the former.

"You're probably just catching a cold. Maybe you need someone to warm you up?"

She sensed the imminent lunge for her rather modest bosom before the ancient lecher even began to tense up for the leap. It was an odd ability she had developed after spending more than ten minutes with the old man, and by far the most important technique she had developed on this entire insane, rambling excuse for a training trip. With practiced ease, she lifted her hand before her and made ready to snap her fingers, her eyes gaining a particularly vicious pink glow to them.

"My, my, it certainly is _windy_ up on this rooftop, isn't it, _master_?"

Happosai's eyes instantly lost their target lock on her chest and in a flash, the old man was desperately clinging to his sack of... treasures. He stared up at her with huge, crocodile tears in his eyes.

"Y-y-you wouldn't do that to an _old, weak_ man, would you? Deprive him of his last joy in this world?" Happi asked with an over-used quiver in his voice.

Jinx rolled her eyes. Did they really have to do this _every night_?

"Fine, Happi, you're right, I must be coming down with a cold."

Doubtlessly he would have some ridiculous and likely embarrassing cure pop into his deluded mind, but at least it would get him off that _disgusting_ sack so she could go back to ignoring its existence.

"Ha! There's no time for that, Disciple! You see, I've decided on the next stage of your training and we need to get started immediately!"

The pink haired witch grumbled audibly. "I swear, Happi, if _this_ plan involves: getting back to nature, _au natural,_ or any combination of the words 'commando' and 'going', I'm going to be forced to tie you up and throw you into another male prison laundry truck."

Her indelibly eager master shuddered at the not-nearly distant enough memory, but just as quickly shook it off.

"Don't be silly, girl. I've decided on the _perfect_ city where we can continue your training."

" _Awwwwww, another_ city?" she wailed petulantly, "Seriously, we've been through so many cities over the past few weeks, that I feel like my life has turned into a series of poorly placed cameos."

The shrunken master of the martial arts hit her with his dreaded 'puppy dog technique'. The old man's eyes grew even larger and crocodile tears shimmered unshed at their corners.

"But-but Jinx... how can you say that when you're rolling with the Big Dog, here?"

Note to self: Kill Bumblebee for teaching Happosai slang.

She mentally amended her list of reasons for killing Bumblebee, inserting this new reason just above 'Being a Traitorous Spy' and just below 'Having a Bigger Rack than Her'.

"Ugh, _fine_. We'll go to your _stupid_ city and keep doing your _stupid_ training. Where the heck do you want to go, anyway?"

Happosai smiled a nearly toothless smile, as if the answer were so obvious that she should be able to lift it directly from the wrinkled and perverted folds of his diseased brain.

"Why, we're going to Metropolis!"


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Ranma, Titans or DC in general.

Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.

* * *

A hushed silence hung over the darkened interior of the massive office. The only light provided was the pale starlight which filtered in through the three layers of transparent aluminium which passed for windows. Even the air itself felt heavy, weighing down on the room's occupants.

Luthor leaned back into his chair, steepling his fingers before him expectantly.

"So, Miss Xian Pu, Mr. Mu Tzu, do you think that this is an assignment which you can accomplish?"

The man smiled as he watched the proud warriors begin to fidget nervously in their seats.

"Sha – _I_ am... not sure about this mission, Mr. Luthor. It seems..."

The canny businessman could already sense where she was going and was quick to head her off. After all, she was the only he had to convince. If the young woman agreed, then Mousse would follow along with all the loyalty of a faithful puppy.

"I understand your hesitation, my dear, I do. This is a _very_ dangerous assignment which I am proposing. It would require tremendous skill and ingenuity... perhaps you feel you aren't yet prepared...?"

He let the bait hang in the air. It only took a moment for an indignant expression to bloom on Shampoo's aesthetic features. He nearly chuckled but refrained with the ease of long practice.

Predictably, the deceptively delicate looking girl leapt to her feet and slammed an open palm down on his desk. What appeared to be a minor emotional outburst landed home with enough force to shift the entire mass of his desk an inch towards him. He carefully schooled his expression as the Amazon's lavender eyes bored into him.

"We can _handle_ anything you can throw at us, _sir_! Just let me get my weapons and I'll go right now!"

Ahh, to be young and gullible. The sad thing was that the young woman knew _exactly_ what he was doing, but her pride refused to let her avoid such an obvious ploy.

Containing his smile, Luthor nodded and gestured for Shampoo to take her seat. "I appreciate your zeal, Executive Officer Xian Pu, and I know that you are more than up to the task. However, there are still many preparations to be made. I just wanted to make sure that the two of you were on board before I set the wheels in motion."

With a little more force than was strictly necessary, Shampoo plopped back into her seat. Already, she had shifted completely from reluctant uncertainty to dogged determination. Yes, he definitely liked the young woman; she was just the kind of employee that he preferred to work with.

"I hate to admit it," added Mousse, "But there is a part of me that is intrigued by the challenge you're presenting. However, even with the little bit of knowledge that I gleaned from the Academy; I can already think of one thing that could stop this whole plan before it even begins. I mean... what about the M-"

Luthor raised his hand to forestall the young man's concerns. The boy was just as good a find as the young Shampoo. Though a bit of a spineless lapdog when it came to his love, the longhaired Amazon male was every bit as vindictive and ruthless when it suited him. His time at the Hive Academy had obviously had a positive effect on the boy as well.

"Don't worry about that. I predicted that complication as well and have already taken steps to remedy it."

He slid open a drawer on the face of his desk and withdrew the pair of objects in mind. With casual ease, he tossed the two items to his guests, watching in amusement as the martial artists plucked them from the air without even looking.

However, as soon as the youths _did_ see what was now in their hands, their eyes widened in shock. Mousse held up the bulky looking wristwatch, "This is-"

"Just a little something that I acquired from a very recently established technologies firm." Lex smiled knowingly at the understanding that dawned on his companions' faces. "I was thinking of acquiring the company itself, as well; however, I think I'll wait and see what they can accomplish on their own first."

Mousse shook his head, while Shampoo just stared in wonder.

"You do know _who_ -"

The unexpected beeping of his desk intercom cut off Shampoo's oblique question. It immediately put him in a foul mood, as he had explicitly ordered Patricia not to disturb him. Not feeling like making a scene in front of two of his most promising young employees, he quickly removed the earpiece from the intercom and pressed it into his ear.

He prepared to spin his mammoth chair around to face the window behind him, but, as an afterthought, turned back to Shampoo and Mousse, "Please excuse me for a moment, this won't take long."

He then spun around and activated the intercom.

"What is it, Patricia. I asked you not to disturb me." He made sure that his displeasure was palpable in his voice.

"..."

"... I... see. And you've confirmed those descriptions?"

"..."

"When did they enter the city?"

"..."

"And their current location?"

"..."

"Excellent, you did the right thing, my dear."

With a silent beep, he ended the conversation. Spinning around quickly, he spared a brief glance to the couple before him, noting the burning curiosity on their faces. Rather than explain, he simply pressed another button on the intercom.

"Elder Khu Lon, could you please come to my office? There is a situation developing which might interest you."

He then removed the earpiece and returned it to its proper place. One thing he liked about the old woman was that she didn't waste words. She would arrive shortly and learn everything she needed, so why bother with frivolous questions over the intercom?

"... Umm, if you don't mind me asking...," Mousse interjected uncertainly.

He was cut off abruptly by Shampoo, who leaned forward excitedly, "Who arrive in town that you need _Great Grandmother_ to deal with?"

Lex chuckled to himself as he leaned back into his chair. "I'll explain it all when the Elder arrives. I do so hate to repeat myself. Now, while we wait: Mu Tzu, I just wanted to remind you of the item which you'll need to procure. When do you think you'll be able to take care of it?"

Mousse dismissed his concerns with a casual wave of the hand. "Feh, that's literally no problem..."

"I'll call Hibiki as soon as we're done here."

* * *

Jinx took in a long breath as she stared across the ocean of twinkling lights that stretched on forever before her. Her legs swayed absently, tapping her heels rhythmically against the ledge of the building they sat on. A gentle breeze ran its ethereal fingers through her hair, bringing a contented sigh to her lips.

Even her company didn't seem _quite_ as repugnant as usual.

With a lazy tilt of her head, she turned to face the old man sitting on the ledge beside her. "Okay, Happi, I _admit_ that Metropolis is a pleasant change of scenery after that week in Bludhaven, but would you _please_ let me know why we're here?" She made sure to flutter her eyelashes and clasped her hands as she asked her question.

The old coot in question took a long draw from his pipe before glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Well, Disciple, your training has been coming along quite well. So well, in fact, that I thought I'd arrange a small test for you." Happi cackled gleefully before continuing, "And I figured Metropolis would be a great place to have some fun, not to mention to make a name for ourselves."

She was about to ask just what kind of insane test her erstwhile master could possibly arrange for them in Metropolis, but stopped suddenly when his last statement finally sunk in. Instantly, she fired a furious glare, complete with sizzling neon energy, in the pervert's direction.

"Make a _name_ for ourselves? Are you _insane_? I'm still trying to live down the reputation that _you_ got me back in Keystone City!"

In reply, the mighty midget began to wring his hands and leveled his most pathetic pout back at her. "B-b-but Jinx! That's the most _wonderful_ name I've ever heard. I couldn't have thought of a better one myself, and believe me, I've tried!"

Jinx shot up to her feet, far too ticked off to revel in how much she towered over her part time trainer, part time tormentor.

"'The Lingerie Lesbian' is _not_ the reputation I wanted!" she half screamed.

As usual, Happi failed to be intimidated by her temper. Instead, he just shrugged, "Well, you must admit, you _do_ kind of give off that impression. I mean, you were caught red handed stealing all of those poor women's unmentionables..."

" _WHAT_!"

This time, her shriek pierced eardrums across half the city, "You – you _perverted little troll_! **_You_** stole their damn underwear and dumped it on _me_ just in time for _me_ to get trampled by that mob!"

Happi waved his pipe around, looking quite unconcerned. "How could you possibly expect an old man like me to remember tiny details like that from so long ago?"

"It was a _week and a half ago_ , you little monster!"

"Tut, tut, Jinx, getting all worked up over trivial matters won't help the situation. Besides, how can you be so certain of your sexuality? I mean, you dumped poor Ryouga like a hot rock, and you haven't been showing any interest in any men since then." The old man ran his fingers over his chest in a mockery of a sensual gesture, "Most notably this hot stud right here."

Fortunately, she was far too livid to get sick now.

" _I am **not** a lesbian_!" Jinx stamped her foot furiously and pink sparks danced angrily from her fingertips.

In a strange case of coincidence, a nearby air-conditioning unit collapsed into a heap of scrap as all the rivets and bolts holding the machine together chose that exact moment to pop or snap apart.

Of course, by this point, neither speaker paid the incidental property damage any mind. Instead, Jinx moved on to her next bone of contention, "And I _didn't_ dump Ryouga." She then clasped her hands together over her heart and stared off into the night, "I nobly sacrificed my own love to let him find true happiness with Raven..."

The sappy sentiment was ruined, as a second later she dropped her hands to her side and a wave of disgust nearly dragged her chin all the way to her chest, "God, I hope she dies..."

It was her maudlin sentiment's turn to be ruined, as she stiffened suddenly, feeling a tiny hand unexpectedly caressing her thigh.

"Aww, don't fret Jinx. Let Uncle Happi help you forget all of those nasty, nasty memories."

A second later, the old goat had a single digit pointed directly between his eyes, a small jet of pink energy about the same intensity as a cutting torch projecting from its tip. The perverted midget's eyes crossed comedically as he focused on the furiously dancing spark of power.

"Happi," she started in a saccharine voice, "Unless you're trying to induce vomit therapy, I suggest you remove your hand before I start serving stewed monkey brains to everyone in this building."

Slowly, her _master's_ hand withdrew from her leg as the ancient warrior focused intently on the blindingly pink flame mere inches in front of his face... Until a wide smile suddenly split his face.

"Excellent intensity, Disciple! It looks like your focus is really improving." Then, without warning, the withered pervert licked his thumb and forefinger and proceeded to snuff out her finger like it was a guttering candle.

Jinx snatched the digit away, staring in incomprehension as one final tiny whiff of smoke flitted away from the tip of her finger. She honestly didn't know whether to be amazed by Happi's skill, or disgusted that she had troll drool on her finger.

"See, if you had just done that to the mob of women whose panties you stole, you wouldn't have gotten all bruised up," cackled the overly amused pervert.

A nearby satellite dish, in a completely unrelated manner, unexpectedly detached from the face of the building and plummeted to the streets below as Jinx yelled, "Whose panties _you_ stole!"

The pink haired sorceress took a moment to calm herself, "Besides, even as evil as I am, I just didn't have the heart to beat up a bunch of women that just wanted their underwear back. Heck, it wasn't even the ladies that were curb stomping me that really bothered me, it was the ones that were... _interested_."

Happi shot her a shocked look, complete with gasp, "And what's wrong with _that_? I'd be quite flattered if such lovely young women showed such an interest in me."

Absently, she shrugged, "Well, of course it was flattering, but..."

Oh, that son of a –

" _Oh, shut up!_ I'm _not_ gay! Now will you please just _drop it_ and get on with your damn test?"

Happi sighed, a hurt expression on his face. She would have _almost_ felt bad about it if he weren't such a notoriously terrible faker. As if to prove her point, his mood pulled a complete about face and he began to chuckle happily.

"I've prepared the _ultimate_ test for you, Disciple. You see, you and I... are going to battle Superman!"

"..."

Without even a word, Jinx hopped off the ledge and started making her way to the stairs.

A plaintiff wail came from behind her, "Jii-inx! Where are you going?"

She shot an incredulous look over her shoulder as she continued on her way to the exit, "I am _so_ getting off this freak train. You have _totally_ lost it! I'd play tonsil hockey with _Raven_ before I actually, intentionally _picked a fight_ with _Superman_!"

At the line of drool that began to run down the old troll's chin, she spun around, fists clenched furiously at her sides, " _I'm **not** going to make out with Raven_!"

It took half a minute for Happi to come back from whatever glorious mental image that his diseased mind had constructed. Lucky for him, too, since she had been about a second away from blasting him off the damn roof!

"Don't be so quick to dismiss my idea, Disciple. I'm well aware that the two of us could never _defeat_ the alien do-gooder... _humiliating_ him on the other hand...," Happi trailed off leadingly.

At the word 'humiliating', Jinx found herself turning around against her better judgment. She might not be active in the super villainy scene now, and she wasn't even half deluded enough to imagine she could even _scratch_ the Man of Steel... but tweaking a hero's nose was _always_ so much _fun!_

"... I'm listening... granted, not too closely, but I'm still here anyway."

Happi cackled wickedly, obviously quite happy that he'd caught her interest. Then, in a rather unexpected move, the old man hopped on to his massive sack of delicates and began to root through it with a stubby arm. She watched the display for a moment, trying to figure out what the heck he was doing.

"What are you looking for? Do you have Luthor's Kryptonite Boxers in there or something?"

Happi stopped his hunt for a moment, looking up at her incredulously. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, Jinx..."

"Really, as if I'd have _boxers_ in here."

Jinx rolled her eyes... what else could she do, really?

Happi immediately dove back into his rummaging, and after a moment, pulled out the item which he sought-

A manila folder?

A manila folder with a familiar red 'S' on the front!

Her eyes widened in shock, especially considering she could see several other similar folders now peeking out from the mouth of the sack: one bore a yellow oval with a bat in it, another was a white circle with a lightning bolt cutting through it... and those were just the ones she could see...

"Wha- whe..."

Her mentor cackled happily as he waved around his prize. "Not nearly as convenient as a good scroll, but they do have their charms."

"Where the hell did you get that?" she barked in disbelief.

Happi shrugged, "I may have _borrowed_ it from the Headmaster before I... resigned. I had to choose quickly though, since Nabiki's drones were busy stealing all of the real good stuff at the time."

Well, that just figured; man, why hadn't she thought to swipe anything? Or, at the very least get her sketchbook from her room...

She let out a resigned sigh... she had really loved that sketchbook.

"And with this information, my Disciple, we can pick apart this so-called 'Man of Steel's' weaknesses and figure out how best to really get under his skin."

Jinx scoffed, and made sure to make it loud, "I can already tell you everything you need to know: super strong, super fast, invulnerable and, _oh_ , let's not forget the _laser eyes_! Are you _nuts_? That guy could tear us in half with his _pinky_ if he felt like it!"

Yet another annoying cackle filled the air. "Yes, yes, Jinx. On the surface it _seems_ like an impossible task, but what happens if we take a little closer look at the information?"

She graced him with a skeptical look.

"Bear with me." He quickly began to leaf through the folder, "Let's start with your first point: super strength. I've dealt with some strong children in my day, but this Superman character's strength is simply beyond any kind of description or comparison. Heck, he _could_ tear us in half with is pinky, however, he never _would._ All of this research stuff tells us that he's never used more force than was strictly necessary."

Jinx actually found herself nodding in agreement.

"As amazing as we are, my dear, we're still just human. That eliminates the danger of his _heat vision_ as well. He might use it to frighten us, or to try and corral us, but he'd never actually use it to harm us."

Slowly, Jinx returned to her seat on the ledge and crossed her legs comfortably. It all made sense so far; in fact, it was villainy One Oh One. Superheroes were namby pampy wimps that always held back, Superman more so than anyone.

"Next is his super speed. It says here that his top speed is unknown. Probably something utterly ludicrous I bet, but the simple fact is, in _all_ the news reports I've ever seen on his battles, I have _never_ seen him utilize any of his vaunted super speed in a fight. Certainly, he uses it to get around the battlefield, but as soon as he throws a punch, he fights at normal speed. Why is that? Who knows? Maybe some kind of mental block or something, _but_ it works to our advantage."

Jinx continued to nod, resting her chin on an upraised palm as she considered what Happi was saying.

"In fact, it is our greatest asset, because, as far as fighters go, Superman is a talentless brawler."

He leafed through several more pages of the folder quickly, obviously checking a fact.

"It says here that he is only a Class Three fighter. To give you a reference you would understand, the Batman's file states that _he_ is a Class Twelve fighter."

"Hmm," Jinx hummed in consideration, "That's a pretty wide gap... I wonder where I fall in."

Happi smiled in reply, "Well, though I didn't strictly have _official_ access to the records, I did happen to _accidentally_ browse through them from time to time. Actually, you were the top fighter in the Academy, at Class Eight. Bumble Bee was a close second at Class Six."

Jinx 'Ahh'd' feeling strangely satisfied.

"Of course, that was before the beginning of our training trip, so I wouldn't put much stock in it."

She shrugged. The fact that she was _that_ far ahead of Bumblebee... and Superman, she guessed, was smugly gratifying to know. "So, what's that mean, anyway?"

Her master looked her dead in the eye, taking on a sagely appearance that she rarely got to see him use. It usually only happened when he was about to do or say something that was _actually_ useful... so, yeah, pretty rare.

"... Absolutely Nothing!"

Huh?

"Huh?"

"Such generic numbers are essentially meaningless in the world of martial arts. Power levels are useless garbage; anyone worth their salt knows that style is everything."

Again: huh?

"What do you mean? If Batman is level twelve, or whatever, isn't just that their way of saying he'd beat anyone of a lower level than him in a fight? Seems pretty cut and dried to me."

Happi rolled his eyes in annoyance. "There is one universal rule in the world of martial arts, Jinx. If you think your opponent can beat you, then you're right. You've already lost your first fight with Batman, and you've never even met him.

"Think on this, there is no _perfect_ warrior, no _perfect_ style. Every style has its own strengths and weaknesses. Compare Ranma and Ryouga; using the power scale that the Headmaster uses, both would likely be quite comparable in power, yet Ranma can beat the Lost Boy nine times out of ten because his strengths capitalize on Ryouga's weaknesses, but not vice versa.

"And, for as much power as _either_ boy possesses, _neither_ of them would have even a chance of defeating one such as Raven. Ryouga is too direct, and Ranma's verbal attacks and taunts wouldn't work on her, in fact she'd likely turn them around on him with great ease. Yet, _Mousse_ , who is undeniably weaker than either boy, drove Raven to the very brink of defeat because of the _style_ with which he fought."

Wow... that made a weird kind of sense. It was hard to reconcile this Happi with the one that traveled with her the other ninety percent of the time. Well, she supposed there _had_ to be _some_ reason that he had survived to become an ancient master.

Happi took a moment to tap out his spent pipe, then pulled out a small pouch and began to refill it.

"Now, moving on. As for your last point: Invulnerability; it's common knowledge that Superman has two major weaknesses. And they are...?"

"Phhfft, that's easy," she boasted, "Superman is stupidly weak against Kryptonite... but we don't exactly have any of that on us, now do we?"

Happi simply stared at her...

"I said _two_ weaknesses: Kryptonite _annnd_..."

Crap... what was the other one?

"Umm..."

"Kryptonite _annnd_...:"

"Ahhh... is it..."

"Kryptonite _annnd_..."

She shot him a dirty scowl, his reply to which was –

"Kryptonite _annnd_..."

"Shut up! Just tell me already!"

Her master sighed in disappointment, not that she cared.

"And _magic_ , my young Disciple."

 _That_ brought the young sorceress up short.

"Magic? Hey! I'm all _about_ the magic!" A disturbingly hilarious line of thought began to unfold in her mind. "Oh – _oh man_! We could totally open a bag of _freak_ on Supes!"

The ancient master nodded, smiling proudly. "Exactly right! Between my skills, and your powers, just imagine it."

Jinx began to giggle uncontrollably, "You're still crazy, b-but if we pulled this off, we'd be _legends_! I mean, just imagine if we could get a picture of Supes with a pair of _panties_ on his head-"

A pause.

"Oh God, I didn't just think that did I?"

She grimaced as Happi let out a choked sob and proceeded to wipe away the first genuine tear she had ever seen from the corner of his eye. "Oh, Jinx! I've never been so proud of a student of mine as I am this moment. Why-"

She held out a dainty hand to stop him in his tracks.

"Shut it, Old Man. Look, here's the deal: you _never **ever**_ mention what I just said, and I'll go along with this completely insane plan of yours. Sound good?"

"Wellll..."

Happi lingered far too long for comfort, but finally, "Alright. Deal. Now, all we have to do is get the Big Man's attention. And, as luck would have it, I already have the _perfect_ plan!"

Jinx felt her shoulders slump; things were about to get stupid again, she could feel it in her bones.

"After all, how do you catch a _Super_ Man?"

The pink haired sorceress groaned in disgust; she could already see where this was going...

"With a _Super_ Panty Raid!" They spoke in perfect unison, though one of the voices was _far_ less proud of the... ingenious plan than the other.

Jinx slapped a palm to her forehead. And it had all sounded so plausible, too! Why did she let herself dare to hope-

An involuntary scream was torn from her throat as she suddenly felt tiny, yet unbelievably strong arms wrap around her waist. The terrifying thought that Happi was going to force himself on her whipped through her mind with numbing ferocity-

But then she felt herself being lifted into the air! She was about to scream again... except she inadvertently got a look at the section of roof that they had just vacated only a fraction of a second earlier.

Or what was left of it.

The entire ledge had been demolished by what looked to be a half a dozen... halberds? The hafts of the weapons quivered violently from where they protruded from the shattered concrete of the roof.

Two was approaching two with freight train speed in her head, but a sudden and jarring landing sent her for a loop. It took her a few precious seconds to regain her bearings after Happi (reluctantly) released her. When she finally did, she realized quite quickly that they were no longer alone on the rooftop.

Perched rather casually on the eastern ledge of the building... was a tiny little woman. The shrunken figure had long white hair, wore a shapeless green robe and held a staff of ancient looking wood in her hand. _Something_ about the woman tickled the back of Jinx's mind as being disturbingly familiar, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.

Before she could ask Happi what was going on, another person joined them on the roof. This figure alighted on the northern ledge and wore bright clothing with what appeared to be a leather breastplate (of all things) covering her rather sizeable chest. The young woman's hair was a very bright and unusual (at least outside of the circles that Jinx normally ran in) shade of lavender. Most notable, though, were the massive pair of equally colorful maces in her hands.

Now Jinx was pretty darn sure that she'd seen _this_ girl before...

Oh, yeah! It was – was... Whatserface!

And, as soon as she figured out that little mystery, the final piece of the puzzle dropped into place. Quite literally, too, as the familiar, longhaired, and bespectacled young man dropped down onto the southern ledge; effectively surrounding them, with the forest of pole arms at their backs now. As soon as he landed, Mousse buried his hands deeply into the voluminous sleeves of his jet-black robes.

Once Mousse had joined them, the old crone tapped her staff to the ledge twice and smiled a withered and amused smile.

"Hello, Happosai..."

"A _word_ , if you please?"

* * *

Cologne smiled grimly at the surprised look on Happosai's face; as unexpected as it was for him to be traveling though Metropolis, the fact that _she_ was there was likely something that Happi hadn't even considered possible. Well, time to get down to business.

"It appears that-"

She was rudely interrupted by a piercing squeal which filled the air. The ancient matriarch was about to look for the Goddess-Forsaken animal that had just been skewered, when the source of the noise made itself obvious.

" _Mousse_!"

Cologne could only watch as, against all reason, the pink haired half of their quarry suddenly sprang forward, wrapped her arms around the weapon master's neck and planted an affectionate peck on his cheek!

"Mousse, I haven't seen you in _forever_!"

Mousse had the audacity to chuckle, considering the circumstances. He then actually wrapped an arm around the girl's waist and gave her a small squeeze in return.

"Tell me about it, I haven't seen you since your boyfriend blew up the Academy."

Errantly, the nearsighted martial artist began to run his hand through the hair at the back of his head, "Heh... um, and sorry about trying to kill you just now..."

Rather than be outraged, as most people would, Jinx giggled and playfully swatted Mousse's chest. "Whatever. That's how half the guys I know ask for a date. So, how have you been doing? You're looking really good." The pink haired girl squeezed Mousse's bicep appraisingly, "Someone been working out?"

For the first time in a long, long time, Cologne wasn't exactly sure what to do. She had a strong urge to clout _both_ children over the head, but Happi _was_ standing only a few yards away. Any misstep could trigger a premature battle... besides, it _was_ quite amusing.

"Me? _Never_. But things are going pretty well. I'm even working for Luthor now," Mousse stated proudly.

Jinx let out an excited gasp, "Aww, _no way_! That's awesome! Half the people at the Academy were hoping to get a placement with Lexcorp! Ma-an, now I'm _jealous_!"

Mousse chuckled lightly, "Well, it does have its perks, I won't lie about that. Still, enough about me, how have _you_ been lately? This is the last place I expected to run into you, let alone with _him_."

The young sorceress' eyes rolled mightily, "God, I don't _even_ want to _talk_ about the stuff he's put me through. You honestly have no idea how relieved I am to talk to a _normal_ guy again."

The weapon master pointed to himself in amused befuddlement, "Who, me?"

"Who, him?" Shampoo echoed his sentiment, though with a lot less amusement and a lot more befuddlement.

Jinx stuck her tongue out at Shampoo before turning back to Mousse, "Well, consider my current company." She then gestured meaningfully to the withered, yet grinning, form of Happosai.

Happi gave a jaunty wave of his fingers.

" _Oh_! Well, that makes sense!"

"Even Shampoo have to concede _that point."_

Even Cologne found herself nodding but caught herself doing it and stopped immediately. Really, that was just about enough of that foolishness. With that, the ancient Matriarch cleared her throat...

Loudly.

" _Excuse_ me, but if the two of you are done fondling one another, we _were_ in the middle of something."

Immediately the faces of both children in question flushed red and they jumped apart hastily.

"Um, sorry 'bout that."

"Terribly sorry, won't happen again."

Jinx then proceeded to return to Happi's side via a series of one-handed backwards handstands. My, but wasn't that girl frisky today?

Once Jinx finished her routine, Happosai pointing his still smoking pipe at her accusingly.

"What's this all about, Cologne?"

Cologne stared at the man.

"...I was just about to tell you before your protégé so rudely interrupted me."

The sorceress in question dug a toe into the gravel of the roof, looking quite abashed.

"...Sorry, my bad."

The matriarch rolled her eyes.

" _Regardless_ , I'm here to make you an offer, Happosai. As the blind fool already revealed-" She shot a dark glare in the boy's direction, "-we are currently working on an important project with Lex Luthor. As such, it is integral that we do not draw _any_ attention to Metropolis for the foreseeable future."

The Grandmaster of Anything Goes shrugged, wearing an infuriatingly innocent expression on his face. "That's all well and good for you, but what does that have to do with little old me and little young Jinx?"

Despite her reserved nature, Cologne let out a weak groan.

"Please. We _all_ know the kind of mischief you can get yourself into. And when I heard you were traveling with _Jinx_ of all people, well, the potential for disaster was simply too large to ignore."

"Aww, shucks, now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside," tittered the amused witch. This elicited a small chuckle from Mousse, which in turn elicited a withering glare from Shampoo.

"So, the offer is this," she resumed, ignoring _everyone's_ foolish antics, "Join our ranks and behave yourselves, or spend the next several weeks in a containment cell so that we may keep an eye on you."

The odd couple that was Jinx and Happosai took a moment to glance at each other.

"Well, _master,_ it sounds like your pretty standard 'Join us, or Die' ultimatum."

Off to the side, her Great Granddaughter nodded viciously, "Shampoo highly recommend latter."

Cologne shook her head wearily. "Well, Happosai, Jinx, what is your answer. Will you join us willingly?"

Again, the witch and the warrior shared a sidelong glance, as if attempting some form of telepathic communication... Then, in an eerie feat of synchronization that made her wonder if they actually succeeded-

"Mmmmm – _Naaaaaaw_!"

The immature smiles that spread across their faces were enough to make even a seasoned Amazon warrior grimace. Really, how predictable could these two get?

"Are you _sure_?" purred a wickedly smiling Shampoo, "After all, 'Obstacles are for Killing', you know?"

An incensed Jinx spun to face Shampoo, hands defiantly on her hips.

"Ha! Yeah right. You and what army, Beach Balls?"

It was finally Cologne's turn to smile. Using the prearranged signal, she raised her hand into the air. She then stated proudl-

"No offense, Mousse," Jinx cut her off, out of the blue.

Mousse waved nonchalantly in return, "None taken."

At which point, in response to her hand signal, three sleek, black Lexcorp helicopter rose soundlessly over the ledge of the roof, each of them lifting dramatically behind each of the Amazons, setting their hair to blowing dramatically.

In retrospect, though, three helicopters and three longhaired Amazons could only lead to spending the entire next day in front of a mirror with a sturdy comb or two...

The flying machines, absolutely cutting-edge technology, hovered silently for several moments before the sides of each vehicle opened to allow six heavily armed security agents to rappel down to the roof on ropes.

Happi and Jinx didn't seem particularly perturbed by this new development. In fact, they just continued to stare at her expectantly...

"What?" she snapped irritably.

Jinx tilted her head to the side, "Well, aren't you going to say it?"

She glared back at the youth, "Not after you've ruined the timing, no."

"Awww, come on, Cologne, you gotta say it!" pleaded Happi in a most undignified manner.

"Really," Mousse chimed in, "How often do you get to use that line?"

Scattered around the roof, the soldiers began to mill about, staring at each other uneasily. Not that she could blame them, the entire situation was grating on Cologne's nerves as well. Still, she had to admit that the blind fool did have a point...

"Fine, fine..." She gestured dramatically to the heavily armed and armored security agents.

" _This_ one."

The sound of palm meeting forehead drew everyone's attention to an irate Shampoo.

" _Great Grandmother_! Stop embarrassing me in from of the Fourth, Seventh and Ninth Internal Security Divisions!"

Cologne rolled her eyes, but, surprisingly, it was Happi that was first to reply.

"There, there, Shampoo Dear. We've had our fun now." The ancient master then dropped into a low combat stance, a serious look on his face. Jinx followed suit, adopting a disturbingly similar stance... No, surely, he hadn't... "Now, in the time-honored traditions held in the most sacred regard betwixt the true masters of the Art... _Catch us if ya can, Suckers_!"

With a deceptive twirl of his fingers, Happi produced a small sphere from his sleeve and slammed it into the ground at his feet. The smoke bomb lived up to its namesake, exploding into a massive, choking cloud that obscured everyone's vision.

Of course, with _three_ helicopters directly overhead, the cloud's death was even quicker than its birth. However, it had already accomplished its job, the smoke dispersed to reveal the rapidly diminishing forms of Happosai and Jinx already two rooftops away.

The ancient Amazon let out another weary sigh. Well, things were going more or less as predicted, which sadly didn't speak very highly for the sanity of the people she was predicting.

Mousse occupied himself with a small bout of chuckling as he watched the rapidly retreating duo with amusement in his eyes.

Which left it to Shampoo to actually _do_ something about it.

"Everyone, back into the helicopters! Force them away from the center of the city!"

Cologne nodded at the order; it was a wise precaution to take. It took the soldiers only a few seconds to retreat to their crafts; the same devices that lowered them pulling them right back up.

By the time they were ready to go, the chase was already on.

* * *

Happosai and Jinx cleared another alleyway and landed running on the next roof. A quick glimpse over his shoulder revealed that the pursuit was already on. The three helicopters were closing the distance quickly and would likely be ahead of them in a matter of seconds. Not that the three pieces of military hardware were really his greatest concern...

Not that he was really all that concerned at all, for that matter.

"Alright, Disciple, you handle Cologne and Mousse. _I'll_ deal with Shampoo," he cackled evilly to himself as he began to envision the battle to co-

Jinx swatted him upside the head.

"What are you, _stupid_?"

Hmph, that wasn't a very nice thing to say, or do, to her venerable master. Why did he put up with this kind of disrespect from his students?

"Alright, alright. But seriously, do you think you can handle Mousse and Shampoo together?"

For just a moment, he could see a faint trace of worry flash through the talented sorceress's eyes, but it was buried beneath a wave of bravado before it even had a chance to take root. Jinx then graced him with one of her patented Cheshire grins and nodded cockily.

"Don't worry about me. I know just how to deal with those two. The question is, can _you_ handle the hopping handbag back there? If power and midgetness are actually related, then she's at least as tough as you."

Midgetness!... was that even a word? Hmph! Whatever.

"Don't you worry. Cologne and I go _way_ back. This won't be the first time we've danced this dance. Very well then, once you've ditched your friends back there, meet me at that Motel Six we stayed at last night before we came into town."

Jinx's nose crinkled up cutely, "Ewww, _gross_! I'm never setting foot in that place again! Hey! I know! Let's meet up at that strip mall that was just across the road. That one store had the cutest pair of pumps I wanted to pick up."

They were forced to make a sharp detour to the east as one of the helicopters suddenly dropped down before them, the rather daunting tri-barreled machinegun mounted under its cockpit looming in their direction.

"Whatever for, Disciple? There's no way that the store would be open at this time of night."

The pink haired sorceress stared at him queerly.

"...What's your point?"

Oh, he was so proud!

* * *

Just as she had expected, their quarry split up and began to move off into the night. As soon as the two did, Shampoo turned to her Great Grandmother and nodded. Not even bothering to nod back, the ancient matriarch accelerated insanely and shot off in pursuit of the equally ancient lecher. Mousse continued to follow her; the male already knew what the plan was.

Such as there _was_ a plan, considering the fifteen minutes they'd had to conceive it.

Shampoo tapped her earpiece mid-stride, "This FoxCat. Tao Squadron, you assist Steel Mallard and me. Te and Ching Squadrons assist Silver Dragon."

She smirked impishly as Mousse groaned aloud at his title, but it was just so fitting that she hadn't been able to resist. A moment later, two of the helicopters peeled off and began trailing after the ancient Amazon. The remaining machine moved off ahead of them to keep a visual on the fleeing form of the pink haired villain.

Once all that official nonsense was out of the way, Shampoo accelerated as well, Mousse following suit immediately. True, their quarry was fast and nimble, but not nearly fast enough to outpace the two of them.

As the rooftops blurred beneath them, she found herself struck by an odd sense of nostalgia for the distant Nerima. Perhaps for the millionth time since they'd come to Metropolis, Shampoo found her thoughts drifting to her loving husband...

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Mousse's rather inane question ruined her pleasant train of thought, so she shot him a dark glare.

"What are you talking about? We already discussed all of this. We get the _easy_ job; all we have to deal with is one weak little Outsider."

Mousse increased his speed, coming up to run beside her, his hands still buried in his sleeves.

"I wouldn't underestimate her. I'm not worried about how strong she is, I'm more dubious about the fact that we have two Jusenkyo cursed people chasing after the Queen of Bad luck."

Shampoo scoffed derisively at her companion's cowardice. "Please, we're both master martial artists..."

"Do you think we would actually fall for that witch's little tric-"

* * *

Mousse quickly leapt back, interposing a convenient umbrella between himself and the burst of water that had so unexpectedly engulfed Shampoo. He sighed loudly; one would think that anyone from Nerima would know better than to go tempting the fates like that. How else could you explain the seemingly new water pipe that his beloved had landed on (ironically, one of the very same pipes that Jinx had alighted on during her flight) shattering like glass to reveal at least a decade’s worth of rust inside? A deft swing of his arm launched a chained mace from his sleeve to slam into the spouting mouth of the pipe, knocking the erstwhile fountain away from them to rain water down on the street below.

The removal of the geyser revealed a violently struggling set of clothing lying on the roof, or at least that's what it looked like. With practiced ease, he quickly knelt and extricated the feline he knew to be there from her silky prison.

He couldn't help himself as he looked down on the absolutely drenched pink cat as it shook itself furiously to get some of the water out of its fur.

"You were saying?" he asked, vainly struggling to hide his amusement.

A mewling hiss was his reply.

"Of course. I'm sure that was totally unrelated."

Shampoo bared her fangs and spat at him, taking an annoyed swipe with her claws.

"No!... no, I'm not laughing _at_ you _..._ I'm laughing _with_ you..."

This time the cat's back arched up and Shampoo let out a series of howls and hisses that would have peeled the paint from a sailor's bedroom, which she punctuated with a paw pointed furiously in the direction their quarry had gone. He raised his hands in a conciliatory gesture.

"Alright, Shampoo, you can kill me later. And, yes, I'll go make sure Jinx doesn't get away.

Struggling mightily to hide his smile, he turned and headed after the fleeing sorceress. As he did, he tapped the mic in his ear.

"Tao Squadron, this is Steel Mallard. FoxCat needs a hot shower. I'm continuing pursuit of Black Cat... over?"

Well, at the very least, it promised to be an entertaining night.

* * *

Yet again, Happosai was forced to change his course as a helicopter dropped down to block his path. Still, nothing for him to worry about yet. A quick peek over his shoulder, though, showed that Cologne had capitalized on his hesitation yet again, closing the gap between them even more. The spry old lass was only two roofs behind now.

Well, between Cologne's determination and her mechanical toys spoiling his fun, it looked like a fight was all but inevitable. The thought caused him to cackle happily.

Oh, this would be fun!

After all, if Cologne wanted to dance so badly, it would be ungentlemanly of him to decline. That in mind, he spun midair and landed facing the rapidly gaining Amazon. Taking a fraction of a second to concentrate, he began to form his battle aura; he could feel the crimson flames of his life envelope his entire body before beginning to swell-

The sharp clack of wood on wood shattered his concentration and dispelled his burgeoning aura. The ancient master felt a bead of sweat roll down his forehead as he saw the tip of Cologne's staff resting only an inch from his throat, only his trusty pipe holding it at bay (carefully turned so she didn't hit any breaking points.).

Good pipes were expensive after all.

"Tut, tut, Happi. What part of _low profile_ do you fail to grasp?" the old woman asked. There was a wry smile on her lips, and she was breathing a bit heavily, likely from the burst of speed she had to have used to close the last of the distance so quickly.

With a ki enhanced push of his pipe, he sent the wily Amazon skidding across the roof.

"That stings. I've always been the very model of discretion," he replied.

Cologne riposted with a derisive bark of laughter before launching herself forward. The old crone's staff led the way, before seemingly splitting into six separate staves! A fraction of a second later she closed the distance and Happi found himself on the defensive, frantically dodging the furious assault.

"Not bad, not bad. Splitting Cat Hairs and Chestnut Fist?" he asked with great interest.

His dance partner nodded, still smiling wryly, "Indeed, perhaps you'd like a _closer_ look?"

Suddenly, Cologne's empty hand exploded into motion, also splitting into six striking limbs! Even as the six phantom staves strove to puncture organs and break bone, her deft fingers sought pressure points and nerve clusters with a master's skill.

 _'Ha_!' Now this was getting interesting. He'd gotten so used to fighting children lately that he'd almost forgotten just how _good_ Cologne was. He continued to defend himself, dodging what he could and blocking what he couldn't, however, the assault was pushing him back steadily, not to mention shredding the roof in the process. The air pressure of the rapid-fire strikes was bad enough, let alone the attacks he deflected into the roof itself.

Cologne wasn't the only ancient master present, though.

It took fifteen full seconds and literally hundreds of strikes, but he spotted her mistake instantly and countered deftly. The second that the old woman unintentionally repeated an earlier sequence of attacks, he pierced through the pattern with his pipe and caught its tip in the folds of her robes.

"Hotcha!"

And then Cologne was airborne, yet another victim of his classic pipe toss. He couldn't resist a parting shot, though.

"I'd love to stay and play, but I've got a date with a pretty little thing and I'd hate to keep her waiting!"

Happi didn't even bother to watch her land. Instead, he turned and leapt suicidally from the ledge of the roof... right onto the nearby power lines that ran down the street. He cackled evilly as he started sprinting down the thick cable.

He only made it a dozen feet before his instincts screamed at him to get the heck out of Dodge. Moving as quick as he ever had, he dropped down to the wire running a scant three feet beneath the one he had been perched upon, just as Cologne landed on the cable just where he'd been standing. The heavy cable vibrated madly and wailed that strange, warbling sound that only high-tension wire seemed to make, but thankfully it held.

Cologne peered down at him from her slightly elevated perch, an amused smile still playing across her wrinkled lips.

"Oh, don't worry, Happi. You'll rejoin your student sooner than you think, just not where you expected."

The momentary lull ended as his adversary lashed out again. He wasn't really in the mood to dillydally, though, so he knocked her strike to the side with his pipe and took off in the other direction. Of course, Cologne was on his tail in a fraction of a second, keeping up her constant string of attacks.

The scurrying battle ran for three entire city blocks. People on the street below watched with blasé interest as the two diminutive fighters ran, hopped, and swung around the hydro wires with reckless abandon. Sure, it was strange, but nothing they hadn't seen before... though, it _would_ lead to an eventual ban on the genetic modification of squirrels.

Another wide, descending slash of Cologne's staff forced Happosai to swing down under the cable, only to slingshot himself back up, right past the startled Amazon, and onto the adjacent roof. Doubtlessly, the annoying old bat would be on his heels in a second, so he started sprinting for the far ledge of the roof without even thinking about it.

Unfortunately, he only made it about halfway when one of the helicopters suddenly lowered down right in front of him. The diminutive master pulled up short, more than a little worried about being sucked into the madly whirring rotors if he tried to simply jump over, which left him a veritable sitting Mousse.

A second later, the massive door on the side of the machine slid open to reveal a literal firing squad training glowing energy rifles on him-

Which they then proceeded to fire.

* * *

Jinx rolled to the side, narrowly avoiding the pair of taloned feet that seemed pretty intent on shredding her back into so much hamburger. Without much effort, she used her momentum to roll forward and flip right back onto her feet, then spun around to face the ebon clad hidden weapon master.

"Hey again, Mousse." She looked around innocently, "Oh my, where's Shampoo?"

Mousse smirked, pulling a straight bladed tai chi sword from his sleeve. "That was a nice trick, setting up that pipe like that."

The slit-eyed sorceress shrugged, unconcerned and began to slowly circle to the side. "Well, I figured one of you was bound to land on _one_ of my booby traps. Guess I just got lucky, eh?" She added a teasing wink.

The male Amazon replied with a rather lazy swing of his sword, which she simply leaned back to avoid. "That depends on your point of view. Let's just say that it might be better to let me capture you before she catches up."

His lazy slash was followed by three rapid thrusts which she evaded without much trouble, twisting her torso just enough to let the gleaming steel slide past. Another of the perks of being an A-cup, she supposed.

She gave the bespectacled boy a Cheshire grin, "You're more than welcome to try, I know how used to disappointment you are."

Her friend/enemy broke into a smile as he picked up the pace of his attacks.

"Ouch, Jinx, that's just – Ouch! And I was just about to tell you how stunning you looked with your hair down."

Jinx hopped over a low slash, leaned to the side to avoid the rising diagonal reverse slash then flipped backward out of the range of another thrust.

"Awww! That's so sweet of you to almost say!"

The weapon master's lackadaisical assault continued, with Jinx continuing to evade said attacks in a manner that Ranma would find infuriatingly familiar. Despite his failure to maim her, though, Mousse never lost his smile.

"I don't know about the fashion accessory, though," he added. He then pointed to the piece of yellow and black cloth which she had braided through her hair with the tip of his sword.

At those words, Jinx's smile quickly melted into a depressed frown. Apparently noticing that he'd hit a sore spot, her supposed-to-be-captor slowed his attacks to a much less hectic pace.

"Mousse," she began tentatively, forcing herself to dodge a slow slash to her temple.

"How's Ryouga doing lately?"

* * *

"The world is a dark and lonely place."

The morose mumble garnered the ear of the rather generously proportioned proprietor's as he made his nightly rounds around his establishment. Not for the fact that such a despondent deliberation was unheard of within the walls of an enterprise such as his own, however, it _was_ 'Two Drink Tuesday' so generally the less cheerful patrons tended to be slurring too badly to be understood by this point.

It didn't take him too long to determine the source of the dreary declaration. In fact, judging by just how _young_ the young man appeared to be, the entrepreneur was surprised that the youth had gained entrance into his wayward watering hole. Obviously, this little mystery demanded closer scrutiny.

With a forceful gait (that few had been foolish enough to compare to a 'waddle' and even fewer had survived to laugh about.) he made his way behind the long main bar to stand before the ill-dressed young man. Really, he'd have to talk to Bruno later, the Iceberg Lounge had a strict dress code, yet this boy was sitting there in a dusty T-Shirt of all things, and ties were supposed to be worn around the neck, not wrapped around one's forehead...

Except for the New Year's party, anyway.

"So, it appears we have a lost little duckling in our midst," he started rather amiably.

The young man, who had been avidly been staring into his caramel-colored beverage, started suddenly, apparently taking a moment to register that the comment had been directed his way. In a rather lacking display of mental acuity, the perhaps too-young patron looked up and met his gaze, looking more than a tad confused.

"Huh? Wha... No, he's back in Japan already."

To quote the great Socrates: 'I drank _what_?' Just how inebriated was this young vagabond?

"So, my fine young friend, just how much have you had to drink tonight?"

He might as well tally the damages. As if his establishment didn't have enough problems with the various arms of the legal profession, official and vigilante alike. The last thing he needed were accusations of underage drinking going on.

The young man, obviously Japanese (though he spoke flawless English), glanced down at the drink before him, then back up.

"Um, well, I guess this is my third one. I guess I should slow down, though, this Dr. Pepper stuff always goes to my head."

Hmm, only drinking soda pop? Well, now that he had gotten a better look at the youth, he looked lucid enough, just a little on the slow side.

"Fair enough, fair enough. Now, if you don't mind me asking, little Warbler, did you happen to talk to a man before you entered by fine establishment?" He raised a hand far above his own head, indicating the height of his bouncer, "Roughly this height, clean shaven and with a sloping, Neanderthal brow?"

The young man stared into his drink in contemplation, then snapped his fingers, "Oh, yeah, the bouncer. Umm, heheh... well, you see, we came to a slight impasse. He didn't seem to comprehend how badly I needed to get off the street before the storm broke, so we had to have a little... tête à tête."

The proprietor stared at the youth a little uncertainly. The meaning was quite apparent as to how the young man had acquired entrance. But this teenager, though looking a bit on the solid side, would be lucky to top five ten and one hundred and sixty pounds. The idea that he could 'converse' with Bruno, especially considering Bruno's intimidatingly thick brow, made the legitimate businessman seriously consider if this youth was one of _them_.

The young man then let out a long sigh. "Look, I know what this is about. I know I'm too young to be in here, and I don't want to cause any trouble. But I _really_ don't want to get caught out in that storm. Can I _please_ at least stay until the rain passes?"

Hmmm, well, the hatchling _wasn't_ drinking any alcohol, so there wasn't technically a problem there. And, of course, this young man had already laid out the lounge's bouncer, if that was what the boy had been insinuating, so it wasn't like _he_ was about to eject the youngster himself. He'd say the worst-case scenario was that he could get one of his waitresses to watch over the young man, just to make sure, but, then it appeared that Robin (one of his newer hires, and as pretty as a peacock) already appeared to have an eye or two glued on the boy.

"Bah! I suppose there's no harm, then. Though why more people don't just carry umbrellas with them, I don't know."

Unexpectedly, the young man suddenly threw up his arms in exasperation.

"I _know_! I mean, if that crazy old man hadn't wrecked mine, I wouldn't have this problem! And I even forgot to grab that technological terror that Cyborg made for me when I ran out a few days ago."

The proprietor adjusted his monocle and stared down his long, pointed nose, more than just a little shocked at the young man's exuberant agreement with his statement. Add to that: the name that his young patron had just dropped suddenly raised the youth from just interesting to truly fascinating; it was enough to make him decide to keep an eye on the young man personally. He leaned forward onto the bar, making himself comfortable.

"So, the nestling has a fondness for a good umbrella, does he? Why don't you tell me a little more about this 'technological terror' that you've been traipsing around with?"

The young man took a long drink from his glass before returning it to the bar. Then, his guest looked up, a look of childlike excitement spreading across his face.

"There's a _flame thrower_ in my umbrella!'

* * *

Mousse lashed out with a flourish of fanciful strikes, not overly intent on hurting the girl. Not that he needed to worry about that too much, she was pretty darn nimble.

"Well, he's alive, if that's what you mean."

His quarry froze up for a second, panic suddenly filling her eyes (which to his irritation had nothing to do with the fact he was attacking her). The sorceress began to giggle nervously, "Eheheh, um, yeah, cuz I wouldn't have any way to know he survived that tornado thingy... heh... heh... right?"

Well, that wasn't in any way suspicious. He would have thought she'd just have had Nabiki spy on Hibiki or something, but with a reaction like that... Well, whatever, it was hardly any concern of his.

"Um, sure, whatever you say, Jinx. As far as the Lost Boy goes, the last time I saw him, he was in good health. He even decided to stay on with the Titans. So, you know, he's still on the continent if someone was interested... a pretty rare occurrence where he's concerned."

Rather than look overjoyed at the news, Jinx rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed sigh, " _That's_ no surprise. I bet the jerk and that skank, Raven, have been all over each other this entire time."

Swing and a miss, swing, and a miss...

"Well, if by 'all over each other' you mean, 'almost on speaking terms' then, yes, I guess you're right."

" ** _What_**?"

Jinx stopped so abruptly with her shriek that he had to desperately redirect his sword to avoid impaling the girl's skull! If the apoplectic sorceress even noticed that she'd only lost a few strands of hair as opposed to an eye, she didn't give any sign. The panicked weapon master let out a weak sigh of relief...

"Th-that _frigid bitch_!" Jinx's follow-up outburst set him back a few steps; he didn't even notice his sword raise into a blocking position before him as the girl's arms began to flail furiously. " _I_ freakin' tear out my own heart so she can make Ryouga happy, and _she_ can't even be bothered to even talk to the guy? Hell, I only did that because I _thought_ she liked him!"

Mousse backed up several more nervous steps, not so much because of the girl's ranting, but more so because of the pink energy that had started to dance from the tips of her fingers... especially after an errant spark of power reduced the nearby roof door to a pile of rust topped with a shiny new doorknob...

"W-well, in her defense, she told me that Saotome was the most insistent on her taking things very slowly... if at all..."

That brought the young witch up short, her angry pacing stopping abruptly. Then, about a second later, Jinx brought her tiny fists up to her chest in adorable fury, "Oh, oh – that _cheater_!"

'Huh?' what on earth had she meant by that? This just kept getting stranger and stranger... and girls were inscrutable enough at the best of times.

Then, in a nearly professional example of instantaneous mood swinging, Jinx suddenly switched from irate to thoughtful, "Hmm, still, that _was_ pretty sweet of him... Oooh, I don't know if I should kiss the jerk or kill him!"

Ahh, he knew the answer to _that_ one.

"I highly recommend the latter," he suggested helpfully.

She shrugged playfully, "Ok, but only because you've been so nice tonight. Of course, now I _really_ can't let you catch me."

Mousse casually looked up above Jinx's head; for a moment he found himself torn... but, finally –

"Well, you might want to take two steps to your left, then."

Jinx looked at him strangely for a fraction of a second, but complied immediately... a faint trace of pink flickering from her toe as she did-

"Aiyah!"

Just in time to avoid Shampoo's aerial _Chui_ smash! The lavender haired beauty landed from her rather impressive leaping attack – only to disappear just as quickly, as the roof inexplicably collapsed under her rather meager weight. Mousse winced as Shampoo's battle cry dissolved into a surprised scream as she fell into the apartment below... only to wince all the harder as that scream was abruptly cut off by the sound of someone landing in what sounded to be a very full bathtub...

_'Oh man, **that** was going to cost him...'_

Both the pink haired sorceress and he stared at the jagged hole for a long moment before Jinx turned to stare at him, an honestly confused expression on her face.

"Ummm, not that I mind, but... why?"

Mousse shrugged, trying to appear more confident than he felt, "Well, she's going to kill me already, so what's one more accident? Besides, could you imagine what Hibiki would do if he found out we were the first ones to see you again, and that we actually hurt you?"

She smiled cutely, before a devilishly naughty look ambushed the cute smile and usurped its place.

"You know, Mousse, if you help me get away, I can _totally_ make it worth your while."

He tugged at his collar, suddenly feeling a little hot under it. After all, it didn't look like _he_ was the only one that had been working out lately. "Ahhh, heheh, well, you're nice and all, b-b-but I don't really... like you like that... heh..."

Her mischievous grin transformed into an annoyed glare. "Okay, first of all: unnecessary roughness on my feelings there, and second, I wasn't talking about _me,_ birdbrain!"

The Hidden Weapon Master rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, "Heh, umm, sorry about that. And, really, I'm sorry, but I just can't let you go like that. There's a difference between keeping you alive and betraying my duty, you know?"

"Fair enough-" Then, without warning, the slight girl made a sudden dive to the left, only to suddenly juke back to the right and start running for the edge of the building as he took a misstep in the wrong direction.

He recovered quickly and chuckled easily at the childish evasion. He then simply leapt up and over the young villainess. She was good, but still not in their league physically, yet. He landed directly before her and lashed out with a horizontal slash, more intent on disrupting her balance than harming her.

Rather then stumble, though, his surprising prey arched her back nearly level with the ground, letting the blade pass a mere inch from her nose. Then, without even using a hand to set herself, Jinx flowed with her momentum into a tight back flip; even lashing out with a kick to his sword hand as she did.

Mousse was impressed by the maneuver, but not overly shocked and easily moved his weapon out of the way. With a twist of his wrist, he twirled the sword around in a flashy display before lunging forward into an overhead slash.

Jinx landed perfectly from her back flip and pirouetted gracefully to the side, avoiding his sword by a hair's breadth. She even swung out a dainty, glowing backhand aimed at his wrist. Not to be outdone, he circled his wrist around hers, swirling his sword around in a broad circle to catch _her_ wrist.

Except, unburdened by three feet of steel, his agile opponent twisted _her_ wrist back around _his_ wrist, avoiding a nasty cut, and tapped a single finger to the cross guard of his sword-

With a loud 'ping' the screws holding the tang suddenly popped out and the entire blade slid out of the hilt, flying right over the edge of the roof!

The Hidden Weapons Master took a hasty hop back and stared at the wooden hilt in his hand in disbelief. He then looked up at the wickedly smiling female before him.

"Wow, you've really improved, Jinx."

Jinx tilted her head to the side, her smile flowing into a knowing smirk.

"And _you've_ really been holding back."

"W-what? Who, me?"

The lovely sorceress rolled her pink tinted eyes.

"Oh, please. You've only been fighting with _one_ sword. When was the last time you attacked _anyone_ with just one weapon?"

Mousse chuckled in amusement, "My memory fails me. Still, don't sell yourself short. This is actually a more difficult fight than I was expecting."

She gazed back in confusion, "Difficult? What are you talking about? _Neither_ of us is going anywhere even close to full out."

He shrugged, "It's not really a matter of what we're _not_ doing, so much as what you _are_ doing; possibly without even knowing it. Even as we speak, you're releasing a large, yet steady... fog, I guess would be the word, of ki, just like we taught you to do to fight Raven. In effect, you're making yourself _so_ obvious, that I can't follow or anticipate your movements with my ki senses, so I have to rely only on my eyes."

His companion's mouth formed a tiny 'o' as she comprehended what he was saying.

"Wow, no _wonder_ you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn the way you've been fighting."

Hey now! That hadn't been nice, teasing him like that just because he was trying... to... capture her? Hmm... okay, maybe he could cut her a little slack. Besides, she actually _liked_ Hibiki, so it was obvious that she was a few noodles short of a ramen bowl in the head.

"Hmph! Well, if _that's_ how you feel, then maybe we should, how did that guy put it: Kick it up a notch?"

His mischievously inclined companion leaned back against a nearby antennae, smiling evilly, "If you insist, you _cute_ little duckling, you."

Sheesh, the way she was acting, one would thing she'd been dating Saotome, not Hibiki. Well, he'd given her fair warning, it wasn't his fault she was so careless. With that, he sank his hands into his sleeves and slid them into his combat claws. With their shorter reach and lighter weight, he could better compensate for his opponent's unarmed speed advantage.

Then, with a grand flourish, he pulled the weapons from his sl-

Jinx snapped her fingers.

-eeves...

A second later, he nearly fell backwards as fifty feet of chains (Tangled hopelessly around _both_ of his claws in a nightmarish Gordian knot.) was dragged from his sleeves along with his claws.

The rattle and clanking of chain falling around his feet was nearly deafening as the one hundred and fifty pounds of steel did its best to drag his hands to the gravel of the rooftop. Mousse looked down to the small mountain of impossibly tangled chains pooled around his ankles, then looked up to the pink haired sorceress that continued to lean before him.

"Oh – oh – you just _suck_!"

Jinx covered her obscene smile with a dainty hand.

"What are you talking about? It's not _my_ fault that you don't know how to store your junk."

"Do you have any idea how lo-"

Mousse's rant was cut off when an ominous noise suddenly caught his attention. Below their feet, the sound of a door slamming with enough force to shatter snapped them out of their childish repartee. It was quickly followed by a series of thunderous footfalls traveling down the length of the building, only to suddenly grow in volume as they reached the nearby staircase that led down from the roof. Mousse gazed nervously at Jinx, who glanced nervously back at him as the sound of furiously stomping feet flowed up the staircase and past the rusted remains of the door...

And then the entire rooftop bunker exploded!

Jinx stared at the cloud of debris, then back at him, "T-that was _so_ unnecessary; there wasn't even a _door_ there!"

Rather than waste his last breath replying, the male Amazon decided to spend it more productively: in Prayer.

Then the cloud of concrete and mortar dispersed, carried away on the gentle air currents that caressed the fair metropolis; only to reveal a furious Shampoo... At least, he _thought_ it was Shampoo. True, the girl's hair was a familiar (and still steaming) lavender, but this girl was wearing a pair of ill-fitting jeans and what looked to be a man's button up dress shirt... Oh, and she'd managed to acquire an oversized Chinese broadsword from somewhere.

The furious female pointed the gleaming weapon in their general direction-

" ** _You I kill_** _!"_

Yep, it was Shampoo all right.

Jinx turned back to face him.

"Soooo, what do you think the odds are that she means me?"

Mousse let out a resigned sigh.

"Actually, I'd say they're about fifty-fifty..."


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Ranma, Titans or DC in general.

Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.

* * *

Cologne watched in resigned annoyance as Happosai didn't just duck under her swing but swung under his Hydro line perch and used the heavy cable to launch himself up, and over the lip of the building right at their side. He'd really put a bit of mustard on that ascent, she had to admit. With a weary sigh, the ancient Amazon quickly followed suit.

She soared over the lip of the roof just in time to snag Agent Stevens out of the air with her staff before the fool male went flying over that very same ledge. With a twist of her weapon, she flopped the glorified mercenary back to the roof in an undignified, yet alive, heap. Unfortunately, in the time she wasted saving the useless fool's life, her quarry had made good on his escape.

She was treated to the rather frustrating sight of the last member of Ching Squadron being flung bodily from the helicopter before the machine started a recklessly fast and worryingly unstable ascent from the roof. Within seconds, the security chopper was flying off over the Metropolis skyline.

"Oh, by the Goddess," she swore to herself. She then tapped the mic in her ear, "You fools in that other mechanical monstrosity have twenty seconds to pick me up before I blow you out of the sky myself!"

Impressively, a mere seventeen seconds later, the matriarch was airborne and in pursuit of the aggravating lecher once more. She chalked the efficiency up to the fact that this craft's pilot was a woman.

It didn't take them long to catch up to Happosai's helicopter; it was obvious that his pilot wasn't cooperating any more than keeping them alive.

Cologne, now perched on the headrest of her pilot's seat, tapped the woman on the helmet. "I don't suppose you can shoot the fool down in a controlled manner?"

The pilot replied sharply, "Afraid not, Ma'am. Even if I could, we still have a man on that bird..."

The woman's words trailed off to nothing as they both watched in wide-eyed wonder as a figure was tossed out of the helicopter before them. Thankfully, the man's parachute deployed, but that was easily the last thing on the Amazon's mind.

In stunned silence, Cologne lowered her hand and the pilot wordlessly placed the helicopter radio into her hand.

"... Happi, please tell me that you didn't just toss the pilot out of that helicopter..."

It took several long moments, moments filled with the light on the craft in the distance blinking on and off randomly before the radio finally crackled to life.

"It was his own fault, Cologne! The man was flying all bad on purpose, just to let you catch up, I bet!"

Cologne stared at the small piece of plastic in her hand. "... are you _insane_? How are you supposed to fly without a pilot?"

"Bah! How hard could it be? I mean, you have a _woman_ driving the one you're in."

The sharp click of the plastic safeties covering the weapon triggers was strangely in synch with her own thoughts at the moment.

"On second thought, Ma'am," the pilot looked up over her shoulder, "I believe that I _can_ shoot him down."

Cologne swatted the woman's head, though she'd have to talk to Shampoo about getting the pilot a promotion later, "Shush you." She then flicked the radio on again,

"Happosai, you colossal idiot! You don't even have a clue what any of those controls do!"

Silence reigned for a long minute, then-

"Hmmmm... that _could_ explain why it looks like I'm about to crash into that billboard..."

The Matriarch slapped a hand to her forehead, even as she watched Happi's helicopter begin to list inexorably towards the aforementioned 'Dr. Pepper' advertisement. And then, a scant few seconds later, the armored personnel carrier slammed into the massive signage. First the rotor blades bent, deformed, and snapped as they smashed into the steel beams that held up the billboard, even as the body of the craft tore through the oversized bottle of overly sugared beverage and proceeded to crash to the roof in a blaze of steel fragments and sparks...

Then, for no discernible reason, it exploded.

The pilot looked up in her direction, "Do you want me to shoot the wreckage, you know, just to make sure?"

The Elder Amazon just barely managed to contain the smile that threatened to spill out onto her face, "No need for that, Dearie. There is no way that the Fates would be so kind as to actually trap Happi in that conflagration." She took a moment to quickly scan the disaster area from their bird's eye view... "In fact, there's the old goat now."

She gestured with a gnarled finger to the tiny speck that was currently swinging down the building's fire escape with all the carefree abandon of a chimpanzee. Cologne quickly hopped off the pilot's seat and over the heads of the six agents to get to the side door.

"I'll take my leave of you now. Maintain this height and keep an eye on the old Lecher. The last thing we need is a repeat performance."

Then, with an incrementally widening smile...

She leapt from the helicopter.

* * *

Jinx back flipped up and over Mousse's entangled form, the blade of Shampoo's sword passing less than an inch before her eyes. She watched, pink eyes wide, as the tattered bandanna that had been braided into her hair split in half, then unravelled to float off into the night...

Even before she landed, her slitted eyes narrowed dangerously as she returned her gaze to the lavender eyed Amazon.

"You _cut_ my bandanna," she hissed through gritted teeth.

At that, Shampoo's furious demeanor suddenly shifted; the voluptuous young woman leaned back, now wearing a superior smirk on her smug face.

"Is good, it look stupid anyway. Next, S - _I_ help improve looks by removing hideous excuse for _face_."

"Ummm... ladies?... Need I remind you that this _isn't_ a death match?" asked an extremely nervous sounding Mousse.

" _Shut up, Mousse_!"

" _Shut up, Mousse_!"

Jinx punctuated her shout with a burst of pink energy to Mousse's feet, which instantly caused the mountain of chains around the boy's ankles to explode up into the air and bury the unfortunate weapon master under an avalanche of cold, hard steel-

" _Ahhh-oof_!"

With that distraction dealt with, Jinx returned her attention to the bedraggled but still annoyingly good-looking Shampoo.

"You wanna piece of me? Why don't you come and get it, you brain dead Bimbo?"

The Amazon snarled back, baring her teeth, "Only part I want of you is your _head_ , and Amazon _always_ take what she wants."

Shampoo then moved to prove her point, leaping straight over Mousse's prone form, and lashing out with a two-handed slash of her oversized sword. Jinx's eyes widened in shock at the speed of the attack and she fell backwards into a desperate roll to avoid it.

A second later, she pushed with all the strength in her narrow legs and launched herself from her crouch up into a soaring back flip as Shampoo's blade smashed into, and through, the roof. As soon as the young witch landed, she lashed out with a glowing backhand – only to retract the limb, now decorated with a long, shallow cut that ran from wrist to elbow!

 _'Bitch_!' She let out a pained hiss and clutched the bleeding limb to her chest. Fighting Shampoo wasn't anything like fighting Mousse. The lavender haired Amazon was blindingly fast and appeared to be harboring a serious hate-on for her.

She didn't have much time to contemplate that, though, as Shampoo was on her in a flashing whirlwind of steel. Jinx was forced back yet again under the assault of the razor-edged blade; she found herself resorting to every dodge and evasion that Happi had taught her over the past few weeks. Despite the size of her opponent's sword, the violent Amazon's insane strength let her swing it around like _she_ would swing around a cedar switch, and despite Shampoo's bimbo-ish appearance, she was _damn_ good!

What the hell was she going to do? The lavender eyed Amazon had her beat in speed, strength, and skill... The only thing that the sorceress really had on her side was luck...

Oh, _right_! That and her _incredible_ magical powers! Not to mention a mean streak a mile wide.

The cat eyed witch began to chuckle darkly to herself, even as her forearm continued to throb painfully. Happosai had been stressing his ME ME method of combat so much lately, that she kept on forgetting that she was genuinely powerful in her own right.

Jinx ducked under a horizontal swing, then spun to the side to avoid a sneaky snap kick without even bothering to stand up. As soon as she finished her spin, now tucked neatly by Shampoo's side, she threw herself into a forward roll, putting a few yards between herself and the psychotic Amazon.

She regained her feet fluidly and twirled around gracefully to face the furious warrior who was doing the same thing to face her. Jinx didn't bother with a jibe, she just stuck out her bleeding arm and waved Shampoo in with a single finger.

"Finger taunt, _Bitch_!"

... Okay, maybe just a _tiny_ jibe...

The swordswoman was more than happy to oblige, surging forward into a rapid, low charge, gleaming sword trailing a shower of sparks in her wake.

The Amazon only made it four steps before the cockily smiling sorceress casually swung her good arm around, unleashing a livid wave of boiling pink energy!

The wave of pure, cotton candy doom shattered the roof, scattered gravel, and bludgeoned structures to scrap as it scoured across the crown of the building. Everything vanished from her sight for a moment, though she heard Mousse letting out a shocked shout before the pile of chains was consumed by the wave of neon pink.

When the attack finally subsided, the witch smiled triumphantly at the look on her opponent's face. Shampoo had avoided the attack, narrowly. The Amazon was now perched on the far ledge of the roof, precariously balanced on the crumbling ledge of the building, and taking in harsh, ragged breaths. Though she wasn't injured in any way, the wide eyes and shocked expression told Jinx everything she needed to know.

Oh, yes, she had just rocked Shampoo's world.

* * *

Happosai dropped down to the third story's fire escape, bounced off the railing and launched himself off again. He errantly swatted away another piece of the flaming remains of the helicopter that was raining down after him, and then alighted on a windowsill of the adjacent building. With one final push, he launched himself out of the disturbingly tidy alleyway, caught his pipe on yet another power line and did one full revolution before sending himself soaring over the four lanes of hectic Metropolis traffic.

With nary a thump, the ancient master landed on the roof of a moving city bus and finally allowed himself to take in a long, revitalizing breath. Honestly, this chase was starting to grate on his nerves. Hopefully, his close scrape upstairs would put that old bat off his trail long enough for him to catch his brea-

Why did he keep doing these things to himself?

With a resigned sigh, the progenitor of the School of Indiscriminate Grappling dove to the front of the bus, just as Cologne's plummeting form careened violently into the vehicle's roof right where he'd been standing. The steel of the bus warped and twisted under the ancient Amazon, collapsing into a crater nearly two feet deep and four feet wide; Cologne sat perched on her staff at the heart of the destruction, the point of her wooden implement impaled nearly another foot straight through the sheet metal of the bus's shell.

Wow... he sure hoped that this bus was out of service, or _someone_ might be in severe need of an aspirin about now...

"Honestly, Happi, you didn't think it would be that easy, did you?"

Happi tilted his head, smiling wryly.

"Ya know, for a second there, I kinda did."

Both grand masters chuckled for a minute, then Cologne hopped off her staff and tore the weapon from its rest to the sound of tearing sheet metal. Happosai quickly considered his options. A: He could actually get serious and turn this into a real battle. However, he had no idea how long a fight of that magnitude would last, or how much attention it would draw, _especially_ in this city. Not to mention the fact that he still had to meet up with his Disciple later. B: He distracted the _hell_ out of Cologne and lost the old crone in the confusion. Unfortunately, that plan hadn't been working out too well so far, but he wasn't _too_ interested in finding out just _how far_ Cologne was prepared to go to bring him in.

... So, fight or flight, the eternal question. Well, when all else fails: Play to your strengths.

" _Happo Daikarin_!"

He pulled out the small, spherical firecracker and flung it at his opponent with lightning speed. With his other hand, he pulled out a smoke bomb...

And dropped it at his own feet!

* * *

Cologne snatched the tiny explosive from the air and frantically pulled out the angrily sparking fuse out before it could explode in her face. As soon as the bomb was defused, literally, she tossed its remains over her shoulder and let out a relieved sigh.

That had been a close one...

It was about then that she registered the dispersing cloud of smoke at the front of the now immobile bus.

 _'What is it with ninjas and smoke pellets_?' she asked the skies above.

A single leap took her to the far end of the vehicle and a quick sweep of her staff dispersed the rest of the smoke. The parting cloud revealed a sight that made the old woman pinch her nose in disgust-

"Get me outta the city, and _step on it_!"

Happosai, perched on the roof of a yellow taxi, tossing a handful of bills in the window at the unsuspecting driver. A second later, the tires of the public transport squealed as if in pain and the taxi tore off down the street, swerving around other vehicles with the reckless abandon that only a cabbie was truly capable of.

She stared, wide eyed, for a moment. That must have been a good amount of money...

Well, two could play that game!

As with any city of this size, there were more taxis on the street than personal vehicles, so she took her pick of the litter and leapt onto the roof of one of the vehicles herself. She quickly swung down and tossed her Lexcorp Platinum Card in the window and barked at the driver-

"Get me beside that taxi! Yes, the one with the dwarf on it!"

When the driver saw exactly what it was, she threw to him, his eyes nearly popped from their sockets. In even _less_ than a second, she was forced to grab onto plastic taxi sign as the vehicle suddenly roared to life and flew forward like the hordes of hell itself were after it! It took her three whole seconds to regain her balance enough to stand up on the back of the wildly bucking beast beneath her as this taxi did a fine job of imitating the insanely negligent driving that Happi's cab was already committing.

Her noble steed swerved to the right, then to the left, flew over a shallow incline then blasted straight through a red light and four lanes of traffic. Cologne let out an excited hoot as her cab missed getting demolished by three different transport trucks in as many seconds! This was almost as fun as that Dukes of Hazzard show she liked to watch. Of course, she then realized what she had done, and quickly schooled her features. No need to look undignified just because she was taxi surfing down Main Street in Metropolis in pursuit of a rampaging pervert.

Unfortunately for Happi, it appeared that Plastic beat Paper in this city, especially when that Plastic had Lexcorp's name printed on it.

It only took a few minutes before Cologne's taxi finally pulled up beside Happi's and she quickly scooted over to the edge of hers and took a swing at the old pervert. Her opponent parried her staff with his pipe and riposted expertly, only for her to deflect the attack in return.

Soon, the clacking of wood on wood at Amaguriken speeds nearly drowned out the sound of the roaring engines, beeping horns and the distant wailing of police sirens desperately trying to catch up.

"Would you-" Thrust-Parry-Slash, "Give it up-" Duck-Weave-Counter, "You insufferable _woman_!" Happosai cried out in frustration.

Their cabs smashed together violently, apparently their drivers were starting to take the fight personally as well, nearly causing both masters to go sailing into the air. Neither would give the other the satisfaction of getting mangled in a car accident at this point, though.

"Dead or Alive-" Jab-Feint-Lunge, "You're coming with me!"

"Damnit, Cologne! Stop quoting obscure movies!"

Happosai ducked back to the far side of his cab's roof, taking a quick glance over his shoulder as he nearly teetered over the edge. The ancient pervert then growled darkly, his eyes glowing with crimson power. In an unexpected move, Happosai suddenly threw his empty hand forward, a burst of pure ki exploding from his palm.

So! He wanted to up the ante, eh?

She nimbly twisted out of the way, the crimson bolt of life energy careening past her and demolishing a small lingerie store on a passing street corner. Then, just as Happi let out a cry of ultimate anguish, she spun back and unleashed her own bolt of silver-white ki straight back at him!

Except, at the very last second, Happosai smiled!

Unlike her, the pervert _didn't_ dodge! In fact, he hopped up and back slightly, letting the attack strike him right in the chest and carry him clean off the roof of the speeding cab and right towards the sidewalk that ran along the street...

Where the old goat's forward momentum arrowed him _perfectly_ down the sidewalk staircase that led to the subway system!

Even worse, Happi had the audacity to wave to her just before he vanished from view!

Cologne let out a string of expletives that would only be possible for a person with a hundred years of experience and the knowledge of nearly a dozen different languages to genuinely appreciate. Her taxi sailed past the subway's entrance, neither driver realizing that they were now one shrunken master short of a pair. Still, for pure simplicity, there were only two words that could properly sum up her feelings at that moment:

" ** _Goddess Damnit_** _!"_

* * *

Happosai rode the ki blast through the air, wincing internally, even as he smirked to Cologne. And then he flew down the stairwell, exactly as he'd planned. Oh, the look on the old woman's face as her cab flew down the street at those ridiculous speeds!

It was right about then that he discovered an inherent flaw in his otherwise perfect plan-

With a crack of thunder, the bolt of spiritual energy slammed him into the far wall of the staircase with enough force to shatter the concrete. His body pinballed from one wall to the other roughly seven times as he ricocheted down the corridor before shooting out into the subway proper and skidding to a painful stop about a dozen yards in...

"... perfect... plan..."

All around him, people stared at his crumpled form, probably wondering if he'd already been dead for a few years before he came bouncing down those stairs. Luckily for the ancient master, a pretty young lady moved tentatively forward to see if he'd survived...

"Um... a-are you okay, Mister?"

Ahh, what a respectful young woman, he'd have to be especially pol-

" _Sweeto!_ "

Ah, screw it! He didn't have time for niceties. In a matter of minutes, thanks to the blissfully crowded nature of the Metropolis subway systems, and the excellent quality of the city's Fitness Centers, Happosai was feeling like a million yen again.

He didn't have any trouble getting past the ticket booth, either. A quick leap sent him soaring over the ridiculous turnstiles while the angry mob of women, boyfriends and husbands kept the guards and attendants from chasing him.

A hop, a skip and a jump took him over to the nearest subway car. He got there just in time for a pleasant chime to sound, signaling that the doors were about to close.

Oh, how perfect his timing was!

With a friendly wave to his adoring public, he slipped between the sliding doors just as they closed off the train from the mob. A few angry pedestrians banged uselessly on the glass of the door, but, inexorably, the train began to pull out of the station.

Happosai cackled happily as the bland scenery of the subway station was replaced by the dark blur of the tunnel system. It sure had been nice of those girls to help such an old man; admirable, really.

And such pretty souvenirs...

Absently, as he admired the fine workmanship of one of his latest acquisitions, he noticed out of the corner of his eye, that he wasn't nearly as crowded as he had been when he'd gotten on the train...

The sliding hiss of the inter-car doors closing on _both_ ends of the car shed a bit of light on that little mystery. _'Oh, well'_ , he thought to himself, _'More room for me!_ ' Well, him and the homeless guy sleeping under a newspaper at the other end of the subway car, but Happosai was a notoriously generous man.

Quite happy with his clever escape, he took a seat and let out a sigh of relief. The gentle rocking of the train was a relaxing change of pace from that damnable helicopter, what with all the swaying and exploding and what not. Still, he did have places to go, and a Disciple to see...

Ahh, there was what he was looking for. Sitting above the door he had just hopped through was a map of the subway system.

"Now, let's see...," he muttered to himself.

He'd gotten on at Main and Bloor and was riding the East Bound train. Unfortunately, to meet up with Jinx, he needed to be on the West Bound. Well, no big problem, he'd just get off at the next station and switch trains.

While he was dwelling on the thought of his spunky student, he wondered how she was faring. The ancient master wasn't at all worried about Shampoo, but that Mousse boy could be a handful for someone with the witch's limited training. He had faith in her, though. A good villain could always make a good escape when they needed to...

Hmm, but Mousse and Shampoo were working with Luthor now, so did that make _them_ villains too? And if so, were they bigger villains than him and Jinx?

Now _that_ would be unacceptable!

The rocking of the train began to lessen as the train began to roll gently into the next station. Well, he'd find out soon enough. If worse came to worse, he'd just have to go rescue the lovely, though still a little underdeveloped, sorceress.

Couldn't leave his _favorite_ pupil _ever_ in the clutches of someone like Cologne-

God knows that the old crone might teach her _responsibility_ , or something equally horrible!

He shuddered at the terrible thought. Yes, maybe checking up on his student wouldn't be such a bad idea. That in mind, he hopped out of his seat and moved to stand in front of the door, waiting for the train to come to a complete stop. Finally, with a polite chime and a quiet his, the doors slid apart –

Revealing the withered face of Cologne!

" _Inconceivable_!"

Cologne rolled her eyes.

"If you consider a fifty percent chance of being right to be _inconceivable._ The station you got on at only goes east and west, you old fool."

Happi slapped a hand to his forehead.

" _Damn_! B-but how could you possibly get ahead of me?"

"I gave the man a _platinum_ card, Happi. I arrived here with enough time to stop for a coffee."

The old woman then took three tiny steps forward onto the train, bringing her literally nose-to-nose with him. A moment later, the doors slid closed ominously behind her. He could practically feel her dry, hot breath on his whiskers.

"Now, _Happi,_ where were we?"

* * *

Jack Johnson, Certified Public Accountant, carefully checked his collar for the seventh time as he waited for the train. He couldn't _believe_ how badly he'd lost track of the time. His wife had been expecting him home for dinner _hours_ ago. It was a guarantee that he was in for an earful when she finally got her claws into him, but if she found out exactly _why_ he was late, well, it'd be a short trip to the divorce lawyer's office for him...

The distant squeal of steel on steel heralded the imminent arrival of his train.

"Finally," he muttered impatiently.

He waited, expectantly, as the light of the subway car came around the bend and the train began its final approach into the station...

Except, the train wasn't slowing down... and-

His thought was put on hold, as an explosion of flame and smoke burst out of the tunnel, nearly obscuring the entire train for a moment! The train then blasted through the cloud, still hurtling through the station at full speed.

...The _hell_?

The first three cars were packed in like sardines! But it was past eleven o'clock! And what had that explosion been?

Both mysteries were answered as the train continued to barrel through the station. The fourth car was completely dark, the power shorted out and the windows all shattered; the fifth car...

The fifth car was barely even there!

The entire car was a wreck of twisted steel, like the entire section had tried to bloom open into a magnificent flower, except it forgot it was being dragged through a narrow tunnel.

The final two cars looked to be fine from his position. The only strange thing being that the last car wasn't abandoned like all the cars between. It had what looked to be a normal number of people, but _none_ of them were _moving_! Most notably the conductor!

And then the train was gone, only a billowing cloud of black smoke left as evidence of its passing...

Jack Johnson, Certified Public Accountant, stared at the cloud of smoke that trailed off after the train, then looked down to his watch.

"... Screw it, I'm taking a cab..."

* * *

Cologne coughed out a lungful of smoke, only to unexpectedly suck in a revitalizing gasp of clear air as the train suddenly emerged from the underground tunnel to begin traveling over an elevated track. On the far end of the subway car that was now their battlefield, Happosai was doing the same. She chuckled wryly, the foolish old man looked patently ridiculous, all covered with soot as he was.

The fight hadn't gone as expected, though, with Happi fighting much more seriously than anticipated. In fact, he'd nearly caught her with that idiotic 'Happo-Mold Burst' of his. Unfortunately, he _had_ caught everyone in the last car –

" _Happo Daikarin – Rapid Fire_!"

Cologne's eyes widened as the diminutive pervert suddenly pulled a small mountain of his trademarked fuse bombs from behind his back and began to hurl them at her at ridiculous speeds!

Had she had the time, she would have boggled at the sheer amount of ki required to perform such an attack...

Instead, she brought her staff up before her and began to spin the implement as quickly as her Amaguriken trained reflexes would allow. A second later, the bombs rained down on her. With a clacking sound so rapid it reminded her of that damnable card that Shampoo had stuck in the tire of her bicycle, she wildly deflected the steady stream of tiny explosives, knocking them off in completely random and uncontrolled directions.

A moment later, the night sky lit up around them as the bombs began to explode in a dense series of colorful explosions. Billboards were torched, buildings were scorched, and any people that happened to be wandering the streets at that moment were treated to quite a show!

The bombardment continued for a good three city blocks before her opponent finally had to let up. As soon as the whiskered pervert did, now wheezing for oxygen, Cologne quickly capitalized on the super heated air around her, combining it with the powerful spiral that her staff had already created with her harried defence. Just one tiny burst of cold ki and-

" _Horizontal Hiryua Shoten Ha_!"

Though weaker than normal, the cyclone still possessed the power to rend the steel surface of the flimsy subway car as it tore hungrily towards its prey. Glass shattered, steel fragments flew, and people screamed, but it was all drowned out by the howl of the crawling dragon!

And then, right before Happosai could be consumed by the dragon's wrath-

The train took a not so gentle turn to the left!

Even as the train veered off to the side, carrying a relatively unscathed Happosai safely out of the path of her attack... the cyclone itself continued straight ahead. Within moments, the ki infused tornado tore into a passing building, devouring directly to its heart before the winds finally lost cohesion.

"... Oops?"

Her morbid staring at the rapidly receding chasm she'd carved into the building was rudely interrupted.

"Bwahahahaha!"

Cologne turned to glare at the mirthful pervert.

"Nice shot, Cologne! I didn't know you were so serious about interior decoration!"

Well, she _was_ , but that was aside from the point.

"You'll regret those words, H-"

" _Obstacles are for killing_!"

This time, Cologne's eyes nearly popped from their sockets from shock as the radio in her ear suddenly screamed to life. Without even thinking, she spun around in the direction she imagined her Great Granddaughter might be.

By the Goddess! What was that fool girl _doing_?

"Shampoo. Call off your attack and return to base, _immediately_."

For a dangerously long moment, silence was her only answer, then-

"...Yes, _Great Grandmother_."

Cologne boggled further at the sheer insolence in Shampoo's voice. It was almost beyond belief. Oh, there would be _words_ when she returned to base, that much was certain.

It was right about that moment that the ancient Amazon realized that she had turned her back on Happosai...

With a resigned sigh, she turned back to face to old pervert, and, very much as she imagined: Happi was gone.

Oh, yes... _someone_ was going to die for all the embarrassment she'd suffered that night. The way things had been going, she was beginning to hope it would be _her_. Cologne sent a pleading look to the heavens.

"Goddess, why do you hate me so?"

It was at that precise moment, as if in sharp rebuttal to her heresy, that a blur of motion from the back of the train caught her attention. _'Oh, ho!_ ' Apparently, Happi hadn't gotten as far as she'd feared. She managed to catch a glimpse of him just as he leapt madly from the back of the train into the concealing darkness of a construction site which the train was just now passing.

She looked up to the sky quickly-

"I humbly apologize!"

Then leapt from the train in pursuit.

* * *

Jinx smiled malevolently at the hunter that had just become the hunted. A rooftop littered with destruction now separated the two seething females, and unfortunately for the building's owner, meta-human brawls weren't covered by their insurance.

"I'm afraid I've got more important things to do then play with you, Shampoo, so I'm gonna have to end this the quick and painful way, if you don't mind."

With that, the sorceress swung her good arm up in a sharp arc, unleashing a razor thin crescent of neon energy burning through the air in the Amazon's direction. To her annoyance, Shampoo casually stepped around the sizzling blade of energy, letting it slash through the ledge beneath her and soar off into the night. So, Jinx threw another, spinning around and swinging her arm across in a wide arc.

"You think Shampoo scared of _you_?" asked the increasingly confident Amazon as she easily ducked under the horizontal blade of pink.

"You second stringer. You beaten by Titans. You beaten by Raven... You _beaten_ by _pig boy_ ," Shampoo hissed the last part as if it were the worst insult, "You _loser_ , and Shampoo _never_ fear weak coward like _you_!"

Jinx felt her eyes begin to blaze with power as a strangled scream tore itself from her lips. Every syllable pounded against her skull, the hint of truth in each accusation giving them more power than the young witch would have imagined possible.

"S- _shut up_!"

She launched her fist straight forward, a burst of energy exploding from her clenched fingers in a destructive wave of power. A scar four feet wide and a dozen long was torn into the building as the roof collapsed beneath her rage given form...

Shampoo looked down at the makeshift chasm from her place several feet safely out of the way. The lavender eyed Amazon then shifted her attention back to Jinx, tilting her head as if in deep contemplation.

"Make sense when you think about it. Explain why Witch Girl like Pig Boy. Second place girl settle for second place man. But you no even have _guts_ to fight for him, you run away like little boy and... well, at least you do right thing and let better woman have prize... even if prize is worthless junk..."

" _You Bitch_!"

Screaming in fury, Jinx gave up all pretense of skill and just dove for the Amazon. Each of her fingers lit up with a jet of neon plasma an inch long as she recklessly charged Shampoo's smugly smiling face.

The night _screamed_ as her sizzling claws ionized the very air around them. The furious sorceress lashed out again and again, attacking Shampoo like a wild animal. If her victim looked at all concerned about the damage that those tiny pink cutting torches could do, she didn't show it at all. In fact, it was Shampoo that evaded the attacks effortlessly now. The lavender haired warrior didn't even have the common decency to look like she was trying, her long sword resting casually across her shoulder...

Unfortunately, Jinx realized her mistake too late, pretty much the exact moment that her head was rocked to the side by a contemptuous backhand from Shampoo. The strike landed with enough force to send Jinx spinning around to a clumsy, skidding stop several feet away.

Jinx danced dizzily along the edge of the crevice that she, herself, had created, but quickly spun to face Shampoo...

Just in time to see the wicked blade descending straight for her face!

Instinct flared to life, far faster than mere conscious thought could hope to. Luckily, before her mind could realize what a stupid idea it was, her hands flew forward, intent on catching the blade between her palms. Of course, under normal circumstances, this would have been suicide, since Jinx wasn't anywhere near strong enough to stop a strike from Shampoo...

However, with the equivalent of ten cutting torches now burning merrily from the tips of her fingers...

Jinx watched, amazed, as her poorly timed attempt to capture Shampoo's sword reduced the center of the blade to so much molten steel. The glowing metal spattered everywhere, causing the Amazon to leap back in shock, while several of the burning embers landed on the witch's clothing and began to hiss painfully.

Then there was the matter of the eighteen inches of blade that was now flying free of the sword's hilt. The sharpened piece of oversized shrapnel, still traveling with all the force of Shampoo's swing, flew right past Jinx's face, scoring shallow gash in her shoulder before fading into a glittering star as it vanished over the ledge of the building...

All Jinx could do was stand there, panting heavily and thanking the gods for the numbness granted by shock. She'd never come so close to dying before –

The miracle of her continued breathing was very rudely interrupted by an insanely powerful fist to her gut, blasting said breath from her lungs. Jinx realized she'd been standing there like an idiot for an unforgivable number of seconds, and Shampoo wasn't keen on playing the considerate type.

The Amazon then grabbed her arm and jerked on it painfully, pulling Jinx forward and levering her over Shampoo's hip to send the wheezing witch into a tumbling freefall through the air. It took every neuron she had to bring her body back under control enough to stop herself from landing on her head and snapping her neck. Instead, she twisted around enough at the last minute to land on her hands and toes, so true to her cat-like eyes, sliding several feet to a trembling stop.

She wanted to cry after scraping her palms several feet across a gravel roof, but she was too busy being scared out of her mind and pissed off beyond all belief! And she thought that _she_ was the one with a mean streak. Shampoo had played her so easily it was embarrassing! And that only pissed her off even _more_! How dare that hussy insult... her... man...

Agonizingly, Jinx pushed herself up to her feet and glared at Shampoo's leering face.

"So, you don't like Ryouga, is that it? He's nothing compared to your perfect, strong _Ranma_ , is that right? Heheh, I don't think that's it at all... I think I know why you _really_ hate me so much..."

Shampoo cocked her head, idly tossing the ruined remnants of her sword down into the apartments below them. "Stupid girl, Shampoo no hate you, Shampoo _nothing_ you. You not even _worth_ hating."

Jinx laughed bitterly, coughing up a little blood as she did. "Oh, _really_? Is that why you've been trying to kill me every second of this freakin _capture_ mission of yours? Doesn't seem like something that someone that _nothings_ me would do!"

Her enemy's brow crinkled in confusion, "You talking stupid, Stupid Girl! Kill is just as good as capture, why should Shampoo care if you live or not?"

Slowly, Jinx straightened up, gingerly resting her hands on her hips. "Good question, but I know the answer. You hate me because you're _jealous_ , it's as simple as that. Even if it was only for awhile, Ryouga and me had something special, something that you've been trying to get with your _precious_ Ranma for _years_. Heh, and you call _me_ a loser? A tramp like you can't even get a guy to act halfway civil to you in over two years, but little, weak me lands a great guy like Ryouga like that." Jinx snapped her fingers for emphasis.

Shampoo sneered vilely, "You sick in head, Stupid Girl. Shampoo know you only get Ryouga to like you by brainwashing. You no can even get man to like you without Headmaster to help!"

"Ha!" Jinx barked snidely, "And that just _burns_ you up, doesn't it? That _you_ failed again and again with _every_ stupid scheme you tried. You couldn't even get Ranma to like you _with magic_! And yet all it took for me was a little memory tweak and it all worked out like a fairy tale. But that isn't even the worst of it, is it?"

The livid Amazon looked torn between screaming and simply beating her to a bloody smear on the roof, but something Jinx couldn't figure was holding the larger girl in check... for the moment. It was time to show this bimbo why _Jinx_ was the villain here.

"You say that Ryouga is weak and stupid and anything else you can imagine to make him less than Ranma, but you're wrong. There's one way that Ryouga's so far beyond Ranma that it's disgusting and you _know_ it! You _know_ that no matter what you do, no matter what trick you try, what magic mushrooms you feed him, no matter if you even get Ranma _to fall head over heels in love with you_... that Ranma will _never **ever**_ , love you as much as _Ryouga_ loves _me_!"

Her Cheshire grin split into a truly malevolent smile as she saw the stricken expression flash across Shampoo's face.

"Ranma will _never_ respect you as a warrior, his pride won't allow it. He'll _never_ see you as an equal, you'll always be a weak girl that needs to be protected or fought over. He'll _never_ bare his heart to you, share everything that he is with you; his father's screwed him up too much to ever do that."

Jinx took a deep breath, her chest heaving from the exhilaration of destroying Shampoo's hopes and dreams.

"No matter how much of his brain you destroy with your drugs and your potions, Ranma will _never_ do _any_ of the things that _Ryouga_ does freely and without reservation. Heheheh, I may have gotten the second-place _fighter_ , but even if you _do_ win Ranma somehow, you _know_ you'll never be as happy as I intend to be with Ryouga..." she let her words trail off. She could see the Amazon girl literally trembling with rage... and were those... were those _tears_ forming at the corners of her eyes?

" ** _LIAR_** _!_ "

Jinx laughed out loud. She'd turned the tables now! Shampoo surged forward in a mad, scrambling charge, death in her eyes. Now it was the witch's turn to take advantage of the emotional wrec-

Shampoo's kick slammed into her solar plexus, knocking her completely off her feet and into the air!

_'W-what the hell!'_

She slammed to the hard ground, just avoiding cracking her head open on the unforgiving roof. Wh... what the hell was going on? _She_ was supposed to be the one kicking the crap out of Shampoo!

Jinx rolled to the side as an axe kick caved in the roof where her head had been. She used the precious seconds it took Shampoo to extricate her foot from the hole to get back to her feet. The lavender haired Amazon slowly, grimly, turned to face her.

"You I kill." It was a simple statement this time, not a threat, not a warning, just a cold hard fact.

Her breath was coming in pained gasps now; her opponent sure knew how to work the torso that was for certain. What the hell did she have to do to stop this woman: blow up the entire rooftop?

A sudden flash of black in the distance caught her attention...

No, no, she was going about this entirely the wrong way. She'd been trying to overpower Shampoo, just like she always tried to do with Raven, and always failed. She'd forgotten everything that Happi had taught her in the past few minutes, and she couldn't even imagine how disappointed the old man would be in her if he found out what had happened up here...

Not that she cared...

No, there was an _easy_ way to do this. There was an easy way to do everything, you just had to know how to find it. ME ME, as Happi had told her, Minimum Effort, Maximum Effect. Why use all your power to do something directly, when you can use a fraction of it to do the same thing _indirectly_. All you had to do was think outside the box a little bit...

Alright, she knew what her goal was; now all she had to do was figure out how to achieve it...

A flash of insight, quite literally, struck her. Oh, oh, this would be good.

Jinx painfully kicked up her legs and rolled backwards up to her feet. She desperately wanted to clutch her stomach, her arm, her shoulder... damn she was hurting, but refused to give the Amazon the satisfaction.

Shampoo gazed down at her as if she were an insect.

"Time for talk over, Dead Girl."

The young witch snorted, "You just _bring_ it."

And the Amazon obliged, exploding into a furious charge-

Jinx snapped her fingers...

-only for Shampoo’s shirt to inexplicably burst apart at the seams! The tattered rags of cloth literally flew apart, revealing her in all her topless glory for the entire world to see!

_'Ha! Let's see her fight like th-'_

Shampoo's fist slammed into Jinx's face hard enough to cause her entire world to flash into a blur of pretty colors, even as it sent her crashing back down on to her butt. The young sorceress clutched her aching face, not sure if her cheek was broken or not.

She glared up at the Amazon proudly standing over her.

"W-would you _stop doing that_!" Goddess! Every time – _every time_ she thought she had Shampoo beat; she'd ended up clobbered mid gloat!

Shampoo scoffed loudly, "Ha! Look like bad luck is _yours_ this time. You think you embarrass Shampoo with naked attack? Shampoo proud Amazon Warrior, fight naked all time back in village."

Jinx gingerly rubbed her cheek again, discreetly looking over her executioner's shoulder, "So, being a shameless hussy runs in the family? Still, you're forgetting the most basic law of luck, Shampoo: One person's bad luck is another person's good."

The lavender haired Amazon slowly raised her hand and curled her seemingly delicate digits into a steel hard fist.

"Your luck run out."

The mischievous witch giggled wickedly, "Oh, I never said it was _my_ good luck."

Shampoo stared at her in confusion.

"Wha-"

_" **Shampoooooo**!"_

Annnd... contact!

Shampoo let out a strangled scream as Mousse seemed to literally melt out of the darkness and glomp on to her with all the romantic overtones of an octopus.

"Mousse, what hell you-"

"Shampoo, my love-"

"Let **_go_**!"

"Come into my arms!"

**" _Get off_** _!"_

Jinx didn't waste her opportunity this time. She nimbly flipped back up to her feet and started sprinting the _hell_ out of there while Shampoo tried desperately to untangle herself from the adoring weapon master.

Just before she leapt from the ledge of the building, though, she stopped for a second and turned back, somehow managing to catch Mousse's eye as she did. Without knowing why, she mouthed a quick _'Thank you'_ to the doomed young man...

Only to stare wide-eyed as Mousse winked back at her, right before continuing his affectionate struggle.

The smile that split her face caused her head to throb painfully, so she swore, turned, and leapt into the night...

_'I owe ya one, Mousse...'_

* * *

Finally, Shampoo extricated herself from Mousse's clutches enough to drop a savage elbow to the back of the blind idiot's skull. The soon-to-be-deceased collapsed to the ground in a heap, though she made sure to kick him once more for good measure.

She then proceeded to unleash a string of profanities that would have gotten her excommunicated from the village had she been back home. She violently tore the mic from her ear and squeezed it almost hard enough to shatter the durable plastic shell as she shouted all her rage into it-

" _Obstacles are for killing_!"

Instantly, Mousse was on his feet again, desperately grasping at the earpiece.

"Shampoo, _no!_ "

She brutally drove her elbow into his face, dropping him back to the ground. A moment later, the radio crackled to life-

"Affirmative, FoxCat. Use of lethal force is authorized. Moving to engage target."

Mousse looked up at her in horror, "Shampoo, what have you done?"

Shampoo was about to tell him _explicitly_ what she had done when the radio sounded again-

"Shampoo. Call off your attack and return to base, _immediately_."

...Cologne's voice... And the Matriarch did not sound pleased...

She stared at the earpiece long and hard, her gaze hardening to steel.

"...Yes, _Great Grandmother_ ," she replied coolly.

Then, very accidentally, the tiny mic slipped from her fingers, only to be crushed under her heel. She glanced at Mousse, wearing an obscenely innocent smile on her face.

"Oops, Shampoo is too, too unlucky tonight. Well, you hear Great Grandmother, is time to go."

Mousse just stared at her back as she turned and started to make her way to the stairs. Finally, as she reached the exit, she heard the male let out a long sigh and begin to follow... "Of course, Shampoo..."

Feh, she wondered what his problem was? _She_ was the one that had been _humiliated_ by that pink haired witch! Still...

The breeze did feel nice.

* * *

Jinx landed from her leap, skidding wildly on the treacherous roof gravel, and nearly wiping out completely. The same gymnastics she had been performing effortlessly, like, twenty minutes ago were pushing her to the limit now. Panic and pain were totally throwing off her concentration, and it was starting to feel like were legs were gonna just fall off. She couldn't stop running, though. She didn't have any idea how long Mousse could hold Shampoo, and she honestly wasn't sure she'd survive a second round.

Damn, she sure hoped that Happi was faring better than herself. It'd be a sad day if she had to rescue that old goat.

She stopped her mindless ruminations as she nearly bought it leaping over another alleyway. Again, she barely recovered to continue her flight...

Man! What the hell was she still doing on these roofs anyway? She should be in a cab, or something, _actually_ getting out of town!

Revolutionary thought in mind (whose stupid idea was it that super-types could _only_ get around via rooftops or invisible jets, anyway?) Jinx altered her run, angling away from the far ledge of the building and towards the roof bulkhead instead. A nice, easy elevator ride sounded absolutely _lovely_ right now-

Then her footing gave out on her. The gravel skidded maliciously out from under her feet and dropped her painfully to her bottom _again_! She was about to scream, or cry... or something – except a bright flash of crimson light suddenly distracted her.

... That... was odd. Burned into the ground, just halfway between her and the door, was a small, quarter sized hole. The edges of the hole were still glowing red and little wafts of smoke rose from it.

"Oh, son of _a Bit-"_

The gymnastic sorceress kicked up into a one-handed cartwheel and flipped behind an air-conditioning unit seconds before the roof abruptly lit up with laser fire.

 _'What the hell?'_ Those weren't any kind of stun weapon! Those bastards were trying to _kill_ her!

Jinx quickly peeked out from behind her bulky barrier. Just as she expected, the helicopter that had been following her fight was hovering just above the roof, disgorging its entire compliment of armed troopers out to hunt her down. The six agents slowly began to spread out across the roof, doubtlessly trying to get her in a good crossfire.

If it weren't for the fact that she'd never been so angry/scared/furious in her life, she would have giggled to herself. _Only_ six Normals against _her_? She was beating those kinds of odds even before she started training with Happi. Now, even in the shape she was in, she was sure she could handle the likes of them.

Once the agents were sufficiently spread out, the helicopter ascended out of range once more, whatever technology Luthor had installed in it making the ascent nearly soundless, even from such a short distance. All the better for her, just one less distraction.

Jinx took a long, calming breath, squeezing her slitted eyes shut as she concentrated on what she was about to do. It was a crazy idea, but then, she was kinda crazy anyway, so there wasn't much helping it. Once her ribs stopped aching so badly, she opened her eyes and slowly shook out her stiffening arms.

These boys were about to have an unfortunate series of events befall them.

"Target spotted!" The voice sounded off to her far left. Apparently one of the soldiers had gotten a line of fire on her.

Well, time to show them just how unfortunate they were.

Before the first shot could even be fired, Jinx leapt straight up, landing lightly on the very air conditioner that she'd been hiding behind. Instantly, all six troopers spun around to face her, training their deadly weapons her way. She grinned her Cheshire grin and waved to the handsome young men.

"You boys picked the _wrong_ Bitch to screw with tonight," she sing-songed.

Unfortunate: because they had managed to corner a wounded animal (a sexy, sexy wounded animal, but the principle still applied).

Her executioners opened fire as one, trying to paint the town red with her superheated insides. Not too keen on baring her heart for all the world to see, the mischievous witch cartwheeled to the side and dropped off her pedestal. She then dove forward into a front roll, avoiding another round of fire.

Unfortunate: because she wasn't the nicest of girls in the first place, let alone after the night she'd had.

She came up in a run, then leapt right over one of the agent's heads, landing nimbly on the corner of the rooftop bulkhead. Immediately, she pushed off as hard as she could, launching herself almost straight up into the air. Beneath her feet, the concrete structure covering the staircase was reduced to ashen rubble. As she soared through the air, she performed a single flip, before coming down in a perfect landing...

Right in the center of all six soldiers.

She came up from her crouch and spun around with a flourish, a wave of pink energy spilling from her fingers and washing over all the agents. The black clad mercenaries stared at each other in confusion for a moment, especially considering her attack didn't have any effect whatsoever, but like true professionals, quickly recovered from their surprise and trained their weapons on her once more.

One of the nice men was kind enough to speak before shooting.

"This is your last chance. Surrender. Now!"

She just leered at the man.

"Why don't you kiss my tight, toned as-"

" _Open fire_!"

Oh, and most of all: unfortunate because, as a straight A student of the HIVE Academy and notorious ne'er-do-well, she was _intimately_ familiar with the specifications for pretty much every weapon used by pretty much every security force out there.

As one, each of the six weapons let out an angry whine as the power cells all simultaneously suffered from a fluke power-feedback loop. It was a rare malfunction in the laser rifles used by the Lexcorp security forces, caused only by very certain circumstances... but it looked like tonight just wasn't their lucky night.

Jinx leapt straight up; her lithe frame pushed even higher by the ring of explosions that suddenly bloomed around her. Pretty, pretty lights and a nice warm waft of air pushing her ever higher. She enjoyed it for a moment, before gravity finally reasserted itself on her and pulled her back to the ground.

Six, moaning, barely conscious figures were scattered around the roof when she landed. Kind of funny, the difference that a single second could make. Thank goodness for body armor, anyway. Feeling strangely satisfied with herself, the pink haired witch giggled happily and started to make her way back to the staircase. Happosai was _so_ right: if you couldn't find a good way to do something, find an evil way to do it!

She easily cleared the six agents and made it pretty much the entire way to the staircase unmolested before she remembered one particularly important detail that had somehow slipped her mind...

The dull 'budda-budda-budda' of a helicopter mounted chain gun roaring to life behind her sounded as far away as the moon. The barrage only lasted for a second, just enough to reduce the entire stairwell to rubble and destroy any chance of her escaping.

Almost absently, she felt something warm and wet on her face. With glacial curiosity, she slowly looked down to her side. Every inch of her body was blissfully numb, but the angry red liquid oozing from the sizeable gouge in her arm was hard to miss. Some distant, distant voice in the back of her head was dropping to its knees in thanks to whatever forsaken Goddess was watching over her that _that_ was the worst that happened, considering the alternative...

She ignored that voice.

Jinx spun around, her eyes glowing with such molten pink fury that it began to spill out into the air around her face. The entirety of the rooftop (or what was left of it) began to glow with the ghostly, cotton candy hue of her rage. She focused the entire brunt of her will onto the helicopter hovering in the air above the street.

She didn't even care as the three smoking barrels of the automatic cannon began to spin ominously once more.

The sorceress continued to narrow her focus, narrow it down to a single thought.

Minimum Effort, Maximum Effect. Why use all your power to do something directly, when you can use a fraction of it to do the same thing _indirectly_? Well, what happened when you used _all_ your power instead of just a fraction?

Her eyes widened as far as possible as she unleashed the full extent of her power on the machine before her, the power flaring from her eyes nearly blinding even herself. It wasn't a blast of pure force she unleashed, though, or a cutting blade, or anything so tangible. In fact, the pilots likely didn't even see anything happen at all...

She bet they _sure_ as _hell_ noticed it when the entire damn rotor assembly literally tore itself from the top of the helicopter!

The sleek, multi-million-dollar war machine dropped like a stone, even as the madly spinning rotor, merrily dragging its mast and a good chunk of the engine, rose into the night, quickly vanishing against the black, starry sky. The front of the helicopter, baring the heavy machine gun, slammed heavily into the ledge of the roof, smashing the weapon to so much scrap before the machine slid backwards off the roof and proceeded to fall, now upside down, out of sight.

A moment later, a massive explosion rocked the entire roof beneath her feet.

Jinx took a moment to glance around her, from the six unconscious people at her feet, to the merrily glowing lights reflecting on the buildings across the street from her, then up to the invisible, but no longer silent helicopter rotor as it whirled off heedlessly into the city...

She then shrugged and proceeded to make her way to the next closest building.

Hmmm, now, about that taxi ride...


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Ranma, Titans or DC in general.

Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't.

* * *

Happosai revelled in the sensation of the winds whipping past his wrinkled cheeks. He soared through the air with hardly a care, leaving the speeding (one might say _careening)_ train, and the troublesome Amazon to slip off into the night. Before him, the skeletal frame of the building he'd leapt towards loomed quickly into his field of vision, threatening to smash his frail old bones to pieces with reinforced steel stubbornness.

Not being one to ever let something as simple as leaping from an out-of-control train and into a dangerous construction site slow him down, he caught his smoking pipe on a conveniently protruding piece of steel pipe (hopefully) securely welded to the skeletal building frame, spinning around it at least a dozen times to kill his momentum from leaping from the runaway train. A little dizzy, but not too much worse for wear, he finally landed on the nice, solid, non-moving earth. He considered kissing the hard packed dirt, but then decided that his affections would be better lavished on one of his recent acquisitions.

With a weary sigh, he sat himself down on a nearby pile of I-beams and pulled out one of his silky darlings.

It was odd, though, seeing Cologne getting so distracted. He'd almost been tempted to stick around to find out the cause; whatever it had been must have been a real doozy. Well, no real loss; it had been a little easier to escape than he'd expected, but...

Happi grimaced and smacked himself on the forehead.

Why did he _keep jinxing_ himself?

He sensed her approach a second before she landed. The ancient Amazon wasn't nearly at her best: her hair was a complete mess; her clothes were in disarray and she looked perfectly ridiculous all covered in soot as she was. The old crone was breathing hard, as well, nearly as hard as himself.

"So, what happened to keeping a low profile?" he asked wearily from his seat.

Cologne looked at him oddly for a moment... then shrugged and shuffled over to sit down beside him. The two of them gazed up at the blackened sky together, dry, rustling breaths filling the silent void.

"Honestly? I suppose I allowed myself to get caught up in all the excitement. I can scarcely even remember the last time I've had a night like this one." She pierced him with a sharp glance, "After all, you never take me anywhere anymore, Happi."

The ancient warrior shook his head and chuckled wryly, "Ahh, I'm sorry, Cologne, Dear. You know how I can get with my work."

Cologne returned his chuckle, rolling her eyes. "Speaking of your _work_ : Jinx? Really? I feel obligated to ask why you would take one such as her to be your student."

Happosai let out a derisive snort, "I could ask you the same concerning that degenerate half-breed you took under your wing."

" _Ha_! Raven is the perfect pupil. Intelligent, talented, focused, and powerful beyond belief. Not at all like that wastrel trailing along with you."

"Bah, you always _did_ take the easy route with training students. Only picking the best and the brightest pupils, only those practically overflowing with talent."

"Oh, as opposed to choosing any talentless youth desperate enough to stoop to your methods?"

He let out another bark of laughter, "Perhaps you'd like to arrange a battle between your Shampoo and my Genma? Nodoka is remarkably open-minded about manliness, I'm sure she wouldn't mind him having such a young mistress."

Cologne raised a finger to refute his claim... only to drop it back down a moment later.

"...Point taken. Even rooting through the dregs, one is bound to find a diamond eventually... So, you really think that your Jinx is a match for my Raven, then?"

He pondered her question for a moment, "Not... yet, no, but in time. True, Raven is more powerful, but even though she hides it well, she possesses the conceit of power as well. She is direct, forceful, and used to dealing with situations from a position of strength. However, when you shake that position, introduce something unexpected, she is easily flustered. Though Jinx will sadly never be as powerful as her rival, in time, she will become so unpredictable that not even Raven's demonic power will be a match."

The skeptical look on his companion's face spoke volumes. However, he didn't feel like pressing the issue. Time would show Cologne the error of her ways... or him his, but that was where the fun was!

"The real question, Cologne, is what on earth are you doing working with Lex Luthor? That man is a villain on an entirely different level than that Headmaster fool."

The ancient Amazon seemed to digest his words for a moment. "...Yes, I have gathered that much myself. It wasn't terribly difficult to divine his true nature. The only thing that I haven't been able to determine yet, is exactly what his game is in all of this."

He peered at her, a little shocked. "You _know_ the kind of man he is, and yet you stay? Are you sure that's wise? I mean, I don't know much about Luthor, just what the students and the Headmaster's files were able to tell me, but even in the dark underworld of villainy, that man is pretty notorious for stabbing his companions in the back when it suits him."

Cologne nodded, agreeing completely. "True enough, the risk is quite apparent to me. However, you know me, Happi: I can't just up and leave without solving this mystery. The fact that he's made it so ridiculously easy to take advantage of the situation for the moment is simply a pleasant perk. Even if I walked away right this moment, the village will still have prospered immeasurably."

Well, that made sense at least. He could only imagine how much loot the Amazons were getting out of this _deal_ with Cologne at the wheel.

"Just as long as you don't sell out your entire village for a few shiny beads, then."

His companion rolled her eyes. "Please, the board may be larger than I'm used to, but this is a game I've played countless times before... Still, you should reconsider your decision to join us, Happi. Though he hasn't revealed his plan yet, Luthor has been acting supremely confident. I'm certain that he at the very least _believes_ he possesses some grand secret or token that will ultimately win us over to his way of thinking."

Now, that he'd had time to rest, he considered her words more seriously.

"Maybe... maybe later. I just got out of an evil relationship, after all. Besides, my disciple is still wavering... unsure of herself. I want her to make her own decision on how to lead her life, not drag her into a mess even more convoluted than the one she just escaped from."

Cologne nodded slowly, before letting out a weary sigh. The old woman then lifted her staff up before her-

He lifted a quick hand to cut her off.

"Alright, alright, you win, Cologne. It's obvious how important all of this is to you, and more fighting won't really help anything. I'll leave your little city and stay out of your business, fair enough? Besides, I have a feeling that there might be somewhere, or someone out there that Jinx might want to visit soon, anyway."

Cologne turned to stare at him warily, gazing at him with those huge, owlish eyes of hers. The seconds ticked by, mocking the irregular beat of his own aged heart. Then, finally-

"Very well, Happosai. Collect your disciple and be on your way. I won't hinder you any further. However, if you could, please keep this under you hat for the time being?"

He shrugged easily. "Sure, why not, it's not like it's any of my concern anyway."

A single leap took him from his cold, uncomfortable seat, to the security fence surrounding the construction site. "Well, I'll be off to collect Jinx, then. Hopefully, she didn't hurt your precious Great Granddaughter _too_ badly, heheheh!"

And then he leapt off into the night...

Totally missing the sly grin that spread across the withered Matriarch's lips.

* * *

Jinx winced as Happi liberally sprinkled the livid wound on her arm with a rather pungent smelling whisky, only to wince again as he tied a bandage tightly over it.

"Jeez," she hissed between clenched teeth, "Where'd you learn first aid, Vlad the Impaler?"

The old geezer chuckled weakly, "Oh, don't be such a baby. It's not all that bad, now is it?"

She shrunk in on herself, feeling a bit petulant... then gazed down to her feet, suddenly feeling a little bit better.

"...Well... the new shoes _do_ help a _little_ bit..."

The pink haired witch clicked her heels together, simply adoring the light shade of purple her brand new shoes were. They were just _so_ cute...

Her _master_ just stared at her, shaking his head in wonder.

"Well, now that you're no longer in danger of _dying._ What on _earth_ did you do to get that girl so riled up? I honestly figured it would be Mousse that would give you trouble, not that he'd end up saving you from _Shampoo_!"

Jinx rolled her eyes, giggling mischievously.

"Oh, come on, Happi, it wasn't too hard to figure out how to tick her off. After all, I went to school with Ryouga, Mousse, Kunou and _Nabiki_! I know more bad stuff about Ranma than even actually _exists_. Honestly, I just grasped at the first straw I could think of; who'd have thought that the violent bimbo actually cared if Ranma liked her back or not?"

Happosai cackled happily.

"Eheheh, attacked her in her most vulnerable place, eh? I would have thought that you of all people would know better than to antagonize a woman scorned."

She shrugged in reply. "Whatever. After what she did, I hope the thought of Ranma never loving her keeps her up in tears for the next _week_!"

"...Although," she continued a bit hesitantly, "I _do_ feel a little bad about talking so mean about Ranma. I mean, I'd never tell Ryouga this, but even though I barely had a chance to talk to the guy, I thought Ranma was kind of a sweet guy. And if what Mousse said was true, then I owe the pigtailed lunk a big one, too."

"Oh ho ho! Is that remorse I hear in your voice, Disciple?"

Jinx scoffed loudly at that ridiculous notion, "Ha! Yeah right. I'd do it again a million times if I got to see that look on Shampoo's face again! I'll just... I dunno... meh, you know what? Ranma will never know what I said, so it isn't like he'll care. Besides, I'm sure if anyone would understand, it would be that jerk."

Her mentor nodded, chuckling to himself. Indeed, if anyone knew about smack talking during a fight to mess with people's heads, it was Ranma. And she knew that piece of information was reliable, considering it was pretty much the _only_ thing that Ryouga, Mousse and Kunou _all_ agreed on.

The pink haired sorceress moved her arm gingerly, only to grimace as the pain flared up all over again. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been in this banged up. It definitely put her off the idea of even thinking about training for at least a week. Which very conveniently left her with an incredibly open schedule.

"Happi... I – I want to see him... do you think we can go to see him?"

Talking with Mousse reminded her, vividly, just how much she missed all her friends, most especially the Lost Boy. She hadn't worked alone in a long, long time, not since she had joined the Academy years ago. People had almost always surrounded her since then, her classmates, her teachers, and, of course, her ever-present teammates.

Not that she'd technically been alone for the past month or more, but Happosai was hardly ideal company. It wasn't too unusual for the old pervert to vanish for hours and hours at a time, leaving her truly alone for unbearable stretches of time. No, meeting up with Mousse again had rekindled in her a strong desire to enjoy the subtle joys of human companionship... and if she had her choice of any human to be companionable with, well...

"Weeellll... I suppose a _short_ break wouldn't hurt your training too much, my girl. Of course, it would probably be a good idea to go see Nabiki before we did, though. At the very least she could give us an idea of what's going on with Hibiki and his playmates."

Jinx considered that... it wasn't a bad plan, though Happi probably just wanted another shot at the girl's underwear drawer or something equally depraved. However, there was one thing that she knew for certain.

"Can we _please_ take a plane?" she whined petulantly, "I'm so sick of _hitchhiking_ and walking everywhere!"

From out of seemingly nowhere, Happosai suddenly donned a sheepish expression on his withered face.

"Ummm... about that... You see, I... kind of blew all of the cash we stole from that BlockBuster guy on cab a ride... kind of..."

" _You **what**_?"

"Now, now, Jinx, throwing a hissy fit won't change anything. Hey, I bet if we gave Nabiki a call, she'd wire us the money to go visit her."

They stared at each other for a moment.

_" **BWHAHAHAHAHAHA**!"_

"Oh-oh man." Jinx wiped a tear from her eye, “I _needed_ a good laugh after tonight. Well, I guess that mean's we're walking again, right?"

Happi's face lit up at the prospect, and he began to cackle madly. A moment later, he produced a set of familiar manila folders from... somewhere. Jinx didn't bother thinking about it too much after all this time; it helped her to avoid unnecessary migraines.

"You know, if we're going to be traveling the conventional way, maybe we can make a few more stops on the way. I'm sure there's _someone_ else we can play with along the way," Happosai chattered excitedly. The old man then quickly lost himself reading through the folder with the green ring on the cover.

So, the two of them sat, side by side on the roof of the Motel Six, right across the road from the strip mall that was now minus one pair of cute pumps. Jinx had to admit, despite her injuries, she wasn’t feeling nearly as bad as she imagined she would be. Between Happi's ministrations and the few pressure points he'd hit to dull the pain, she felt like she might even be able to sleep that very night, instead of writhing around in pain for the next few hours.

Feeling a strange emotion welling up from some unfamiliar region within her chest, she turned to peek at the old man beside her out of the corner of her eye. He really did look perfectly ridiculous, all covered in soot as he was. Beyond that, though, she could hear the slow, wheezing of his breath; could see the dark bags hanging under his eyes. It was obvious that the old man was utterly exhausted but hiding it. She wasn't sure why, either. It wasn't like he couldn't just run off and cop a few feels and be back at the top of his game. So why wasn't he?

He wasn't sticking around to make sure _she_ was okay, was he? It seemed like an odd thing for him to do, and she couldn't imagine doing it herself if their situations were reversed, but it was... in a strange way, kind of sweet...

Damn.

Taking a long, deliberate breath, Jinx steeled herself. Then, with swift, yet controlled motions, she deftly reached out and caught one of Happosai's tiny hands in her own...

And placed it gently on her thigh.

Not too high, mind you, but not too low, either. Instantly, Happi turned to stare at her, true confusion in his eyes for the first time that she'd seen. She met his confused stare with a sharp glance of her own.

"Don't get any funny ideas, Gramps. I'm only doing this because I know it's how you get your power back. But you make any sudden moves, or I feel so much as a _squeeze_ , and I won't be the only one wrapped in bandages, got it?"

Happi continued to stare at her for several long moments, a myriad of emotions flying across his face. She couldn't imagine what must be going through the old man's mind at that moment, nor did she really care to... but, to her amazement, he behaved himself.

And so, they resumed their silent reverie, Master and Apprentice, groper and gropee, and... and it wasn’t totally horrible.

"Still, it _is_ too bad we didn't get to fight Superman." Jinx let out a wistful sigh, "It would have been nice to be a legend."

With his right hand still resting perfectly still on her thigh, Happi waved off her comment with his free hand, "Nonsense, Disciple. Compared to the fights we just had,"

"I bet fighting Superman would have been a complete let down."

* * *

The figure stared down at the merrily burning wreckage of the unmarked helicopter. While there was nothing unusual about this, since there were quite a lot of people staring at the shattered remains, the fact that this figure was levitating over one hundred yards above the ground was quite unusual indeed...

Unless you happened to live in Metropolis, that is.

The red boots, red cape and the expansive red 'S' that was stretched across the figure's expansive chest were as familiar to the residents of this particular city as the red, white, and blue of their country's own flag...

The hip hugging blue mini-skirt, white tank top and long blonde hair were a different matter; though, none of the males down below seemed to be complaining.

Supergirl absently lifted her right hand, using the massive helicopter rotor assembly to scratch her head in confusion.

" _Maaaan_! Can't a girl even go to the bathroom for _five minutes_ in this crazy city?"

One minute – one minute everything was just peachy, the next, everything's going to heck in a handbasket! First a massive car pileup because some roof pipe decided to play fountain in the center of a busy intersection, and _that_ was the most normal thing! By the time she'd been able to get into her costume, she'd been running back and forth across the city so fast, that she was starting to feel dizzy.

Car wrecks, noise complaints, _helicopter_ crashes, roof explosions, car chases, runaway trains and then _more_ helicopter crashes! And to top it all off, a flippin _helicopter rotor_ flying across the city like the worlds deadliest Frisbee. By the time she'd chased it down, and stopped the train, and put out the first crashed helicopter, and pulled all those people out of that multiple car accident... well, she hadn't had time to find out _what the heck_ actually _caused_ it all.

Her cousin had asked her to look after his city for him for one month – _one month_ , while a bunch of the Leaguers went off to some other galaxy, or something like that, and look what happened, like, three days into her watch?

"Yep –" A resigned groan escaped her crimson lips.

"Clark is _sooo_ gonna kill me...".

* * *

Cologne let out a tired wheeze as she made the seemingly endless trek down the hallway to her erstwhile _partner's_ office. The hour was later than she preferred, though at least she'd had the opportunity to clean herself up, somewhat. Still, no shower in all the world could revitalize her after the night she'd just had. And so, it was, that she was walking, not hopping, down the long corridor, the tapping of her staff playing counter point to her labored breathing.

As expected, the doors opened soundlessly before her, granting her access to Luthor's dimly lit office. She would have much preferred to be in her own room already, sleeping like the dead, but, unfortunately, some things just could not wait.

Her already dismal mood decayed even further when she noticed that Luthor was not alone in his office. Lady Shiva was there as well, trying to simultaneously wear the disparate expressions of anger and smugness.

"So, the _great_ Elder Khu Lon finally returns from battle, fresh from her _glorious_ defeat, I see," sniped the younger woman.

Before Cologne had the chance to remove the snide fool's head from her shoulders, and she had done much worse for much less insolence in her day, Luthor raised his hand.

"Lady Shiva, that's enough." He then turned his attention her way, "Now, Elder, would you please give me your report?"

The aged Matriarch let out an exhausted sigh before nodding. "Very well, Mr. Luthor. However, I am quite tired, as you might imagine, so let me sum things up quickly. Though we met with unexpected resistance and there were some... _minor_ slips in judgment on our part, overall, the plan succeeded within acceptable tolerances."

Lady Shiva took a heavy step forward, shock written on her face.

" _Succeeded_? Are you _joking_? You lost _two_ helicopters, tore up half of the city and still, despite all your _vaunted_ skills, not one, but _both_ targets escaped, in no small part _because_ of your bungling! The only person that _wasn't_ acting the complete incompetent was your Great Granddaughter!"

Cologne shot the impudent whelp a dark look, causing the would-be-warrior to back off several steps immediately. Lady Shiva recovered quickly, though, and spun back to face Luthor.

"I _told_ you that you should have let us accompany them on this mission, Mr. Luthor. Perhaps then this operation wouldn't have been such a spectacular disaster!"

Luthor looked from Lady Shiva, then back to Cologne, a perfectly neutral expression on his features.

"...Perhaps she is correct, Elder Khu Lon? Both of your targets did escape, and didn't your Great Granddaughter suggest that Cheshire be included in the hunt for Happosai, as well?"

The Amazon rolled her eyes. She knew _exactly_ why Shampoo had wanted Cheshire to join the hunt for Happosai, and there had been _no_ altruistic intent in her offer at all.

"Mr. Luthor, I do not like to explain myself," she shot a dark look to Lady Shiva, "Especially to witless pups that don't know their place, but, in this one case, I shall indulge you. There was a simple reason I did not include Lady Shiva and her ilk on this hunt."

With slightly more trouble than usual, Cologne hopped up into one of the nice chairs, letting the soft leather sooth her aching muscles.

"The answer is that we did _not_ go to battle with Happosai and Jinx, we went to _play_ with them. Had your murderous toadies joined us, with their guns and their bloodlust, and their intent to kill... Well, let me put it this way. For the most part, Happosai is a harmless, if annoying, pest, however, when angered, he is truly a force to be reckoned with.

"You have no idea what that male is capable of when he fights seriously. Your so-called martial artists would have tried to terminate him, or heaven forbid, terminate his _Disciple_ , and they would have unleashed a wrath that would have consumed them all."

Luthor stared at her, still wearing his impassive mask.

"You don't think you could defeat him in that state?"

"...Perhaps, it is hard to say for certain. I _can_ tell you, though, that instead of the minor disturbances that we created, the battle that resulted from _that_ scenario would have brought the attention of your beloved Superman, if not his entire League of heroes down on this city. It would have been a monumentally foolish decision to do things as your minions wished, especially..."

She trailed off, smiling smugly at Lady Shiva.

"Especially since our goal was _never_ to actually capture or convert Happosai."

"What?" asked a confused Lady Shiva.

One of Lex's eyebrows rose in curiosity.

"Honestly, I would rather claw my own eyes out than intentionally work with that insufferable man. However, if I toldhim that, well... As depraved and unpredictable as Happosai, and even Jinx can be, they are both, sadly, quite simple creatures."

She raised one hand to her side.

"If we tell them that we want them to leave, they would automatically desire to stay. If we told them that we didn't desire to work with them, they would instantly demand to join us. However, by telling them that we _did_ want them to join us, and in fact, _telling_ them that they could not leave, well, the result was sadly predictable."

Luthor leaned back, finally cracking a small smile.

"So, all of the fighting, the chasing, the property destruction..."

"Was just make them believe we were serious. If we told them that we were going to capture them, then just let them walk free, unmolested, it would become quite apparent, even to them, that something wasn't right."

A light chuckle.

"So, from the start, you just wanted to get Happosai out of the city so that he couldn't interfere with our work. Quite devious, I must say. However, why did Xian Pu take things so seriously, then? She even authorized the use of lethal force in her target's pursuit."

Cologne glowered at that. "Yes, and I will _speak_ to her on her lack of judgment. Unfortunately, I couldn't risk telling Shampoo and Mousse about the true nature of the plan, lest they unintentionally betray it to Happosai. The old fool isn't as blind as he appears to be. Honestly, I anticipated Mousse's reluctance to harm his old classmate, and believed that he would precipitate her escape. What I _didn't_ anticipate was Shampoo's loss of control. True, Jinx did intentionally antagonize her several times, but such a loss of focus over something as trivial as words is an unforgivable mistake for a true warrior to make."

"Well, then," Luthor finally replied, "It seems that everything is in order then. The mission was a success in that your goal was satisfied, and honestly, the amount of destruction caused amounted to a slow day for our resident Man of Steel, so I highly doubt anyone will look into it too deeply."

The man turned to face Lady Shiva, "You are dismissed, Miss Wu San."

"But Mr. Lut-"

"You are _dismissed._ "

Without another word, the assassin strode stiffly to the door and then out of the office completely. Luthor then turned back to face the Matriarch.

"Is there anything else you wish to discuss?"

Cologne considered this... then. "Actually, yes – yes there is. I believe that it is well past time that you elucidated me on this grand plan of yours."

Luthor leaned further back into his chair, steepling his fingers before him. That same smirk still adorned his lips.

"...Very well, then, Elder Khu Lon. I believe you've more than demonstrated your dedication to our cause tonight. However, before I get to the heart of my design, let me tell you about the latest addition to the plan. It was quite inspired if I do say so myself."

She just stared at him, prompting him to continue.

"Tell me, Elder, have you ever heard the saying: 'Know your enemy as you know yourself, and your victory will be assured'?"

A harsh bark of laughter was his response.

"You presume to misquote Chinese military Dogma to _me_ , boy?"

"Heh, I apologize. I just wanted to help you understand my decision. But I won't beat around the bush anymore. You see, I have asked your Great Granddaughter, and her companion Mu Tzu... to infiltrate the Justice League."

"...What?"

The man's insufferable smile only widened. "The situation is _perfect_ , Elder. With your son-in-law's explosive entrance on to the world stage just days ago, a better setup could not have been manufactured by myself personally. I have _no_ doubts that the Justice League was watching that battle just as closely as we were. Your _Ranma_ has just made himself a celebrity, and a hero, in the eyes of the world. Add to that, his ties to the Titans, improving that further."

Lex chuckled in amusement at his own thoughts.

"Now, if Saotome is seen in such a grand light, does it not follow that his _friends_ might be viewed in much the same light? After all, no one of consequence knows that we are working together, so, with several good references and a glowing testimonial or two from Saotome and the Titans, do you think anyone would question two highly skilled warriors desiring to join such a prestigious organization?"

Cologne considered his words, long and hard, her eyes widening slightly in surprise. It did make sense, perfect sense. Not one, but _three_ of Ranma's friends had already joined with the Titans, setting a precedence for 'meta-martial artists' to be predisposed to upholding justice. From what she had heard through her sources, Ranma himself had gone on to join the Tokyo Police Force, further proving the point. The Justice League would have no _reason_ to question two more of Ranma's friends seeking to join them. The darkest conclusion they could logically come to would be that Shampoo and Mousse wanted to 'one-up' their various friends by joining such a vaunted gathering of heroes.

...It was deliciously devious; she was almost disappointed that she hadn't thought of it herself, except that she had no real desire to spy on the aforementioned gathering of heroes. Still, as wonderfully clever as the plan was...

"I am not certain that I can consent to such a plan, Lex. I have nothing but respect for those that would endanger their own lives to save the lives of others. Not to mention the fact that several of the Titans are my students and I have grown quite fond of them. I do not like the idea of trying to subvert such noble people and can't imagine anything you could say that could convince me otherwise."

Lex never lost his smile, obviously he had foreseen the conversation going in this direction. The fact that he was so good at the Game already, at such a young age, irked her slightly.

"Actually, the Titans stand to benefit from this operation as much as I do... and as much as your entire village does. However, before I go further with that, I believe it is only fair for me to reveal to you the next stage of my plan, so that you may make all of your objections first."

She glared at him, but her damnable curiosity wouldn't allow her to walk away. She knew that he was not a man of noble purpose, in any sense of the word, and that it appeared his goal was to simply take advantage of the Amazon people in his well documented grudge against that Superman fellow, but he was just too damn _cocky_. She had to know what his secret was.

"You see, Elder, you and the young Mr. Mu Tzu were correct, to a point. I am after the secrets of what we've come to term 'meta-martial artists.' However, it is not exactly what you think. I have, regrettably, done several things to foster this... misunderstanding. Hiring on Lady Shiva, David Cain and those other martial artists was just window dressing, really."

His smile widened once more.

"I _do_ wish to possess an army of meta-martial artists, Elder. That much is true. However, why go to the considerable trouble and expense of training, or heaven forbid, cloning one army..."

Lex let his interrogative linger in the air dramatically.

"When there are at least _five_ armies of powerful and skilled warriors _already_ in existence?

Cologne stared, her eyes going wide.

"You – you can't possibly be _serious._ _How_ could you possibly even know..."

That same, damn smile.

"Don't look so shocked, Elder. After all, Mu Tzu was in quite a sorry state when he trained under Mr. Cain. He did little else but speak of his precious Xian Pu, of their many adventures, of their ancestral village... of the village's allies and enemies..."

She shook her head, still lost in disbelief.

"Now I _know_ that you are insane! If undermining an institution which has done nothing but help and protect this planet wasn't horrendous enough, there is nothing – _nothing_ which you could say that could _ever_ even make me _consider_ joining forces with the likes of those... of those..."

Words failed her, and she degenerated into indignant sputtering for a moment. She leapt from the chair and began to make her way for the door-

" _Nothing_?"

 _Damnit_! The tone in his voice just _screamed_ that he believed that he knew something that very well _would_ convince her otherwise. Against all her better judgment... the ancient Amazon turned to glance at the man over her shoulder.

"Nothing... _conceivable_..."

Luthor smiled all the wider, then gestured for her to retake her seat. As she did, he idly flipped up a computer screen from his desk and began to type something lazily onto the keyboard imbedded into the wooden surface.

"Tell me, Elder Khu Lon-"

He then put a hand on top of the ridiculously thin monitor and spun it around to face her. Cologne's eyes narrowed as she stared at the six familiar... yet not familiar figures that it depicted.

"What do you know..."

"About the Justice Lords?"

* * *

"And so, it is with great honor," began the caped crusader.

Batman gestured to the young individuals standing beside him. The black expanse of the starry sky made the two figures stand out even more as they stood before the massive bay window of the space station.

The first was a young woman with lavender hair. She wore colorful silk clothing, with a traditional Chinese breastplate of hard leather over her chest and a small black mask over her eyes.

The second figure was a young man with long black hair. He wore a long, white robe bearing an odd design embroidered on the chest. He also wore eye coverings, though his were a pair of highly advanced glasses made of white titanium and gleaming blue composite materials.

Both warriors were heavily armed, the young woman with a pair of heavy looking, yet very colorful maces. The man wore an assortment of weaponry across his body. Three pole arms strapped to his back, two swords on his hips, lengths of chain wrapped around his arms and a pair of wicked looking claws strapped to his hands.

"That we formally induct our newest members, Nujiézú and Weapon Master, into the Justice League of America."

And lo, the heroes did cheer.


End file.
